Sometimes I feel like the only person on this planet. Yet, I have a close circle of good friends, 360+ friends on Facebook (ya, it counts, sort of), i have no problem communicating with strangers, I have a family, a pet and over 15 cousins... I like people and for the most part, socially, am rarely ever alone. And yet...I am. Alone. It is the strangest feeling. Mentally... emotionally... physically... Perhaps when I feel down I feel inclined to imagine that I am going through the motions by myself, and perhaps in truth, I am not. Yet, sometimes, when walking home from school, or work, through the park or on the subway, I look at everything and everyone around me and realize, that at the end of the day, I am by myself. I have books, material and all the things I need to make life work for me... but somehow I feel as though in a void... it's misty, it's dark... there's colour but it's still dull.
I don't know where I'm going with this... I guess I want someone to wonder about me. If I am awake... If I have turned my lights out, and called it a night. What my last words before going to bed were... who I thought of when I woke up in the morning...
Well, maybe not all that... but I guess it would be nice to be someone... to someone...
All the advice in the world is not going to stop me from feeling how I feel. And trust me, I have heard it all... Don't think about it... things happen when you don't think about it... or... You should take assertion into your own hands... yadda yadda blaah blaah... It would be nice for once, for someone else to take control.
I hate feeling this way. All gooey and mushyucky! Maybe tomorrow will be better. Uuughh! I hope so!
hey Simone. it's Nicole. Vanessa gave me your blog address because she said you like to get comments. i hope you don't mind. i'm an avid commenter :)
ReplyDeletebut i know exactly how you feel. so much that i cried a little when i read your post. and i know that nothing anyone says helps. but, i know that one day you will have someone who thinks about you non-stop and maybe wonders if you think about him as much as he thinks about you. you are wicked cool. keep your chin up :)
ps. if you want to read my blog, it's at:
ReplyDeletehttp://a-holic.livejournal.com/
:)