Monday, 22 October 2007

Mind is wandering... again.

This time I was wondering about the Human Spirit... and how much it can endure. I was thinking about all the things that happens to it... you know, the wounds (physically and otherwise), the scars, the punches, the lies, the false build-ups, the let-downs... everything.

How much can it really take? Think about it... in this day and age the Bad outweighs the Good, by far... and we keep taking it because it is all we can do. How do you heal the Human Spirit? Without it being momentary or a temporary solace away from the absolute madness that is life... love...

We always say that we want to be in control of our own lives and destiny, and yet, we constantly find ourselves in situations where we are at the mercy of others. This can be in terms of work (bosses and potential employers...), school (professors and groups), family (wants and demands), love (everything).

How do we just let the Human Spirit... be?
How do we allow ourselves to just let life do what it must, without feeling the pain, sorrow and loneliness that overcomes us when these things start to prick away at whatever little you have left?

I'm listening to a song by Mary J. Blige these days. It's called "Be Happy", and part of the lyrics state:

How Can I
Love Somebody Else
If I Don't
Love Myself Enough To Know
When It's Time
Time To Let Go?

All I Really Want
Is To Be Happy...

I am only referring to these lyrics because it applies to me right now. I am always second guessing myself... and I can't begin to explain why. I guess that's because I don't know why.

I only want to be happy. My Spirit just wants to be happy. And I mean... the genuine kind. The kind that comes naturally... not at the cost of others or because of situations. Just Happy. With who I am and what I have become. I want to look in the mirror and be Proud of Me.

I want to be selfish.... I want to do something for ME without thinking of the ramifications or how it will affect my family, friends, coworkers... People around me do it all the time.

My Spirit wants a vacation from heartache and longing for things that I have never had. You can't want something you've never had. And yet, it is all I can think about.

And here I am ... thinking. I am always thinking. I want to find the "off" switch to my heart, because it swells so much for things and situations that do not deserve it.

For once... I just want to stop. Thinking.

1 comment:

  1. trapped.
    we all feel that way, to some degree. some chose to overcome it, and some choose to exist within it. it seems like you want to fly. i'll join you. i know how hard it is to try to separate yourself from everything else going on in this crazy world, but my advice is to find solace in what you love. i know that can sometimes be the problem, but, in my experience, these things are the only things that can truly save you. for me, it's music. when i sing, it's as if the world stops moving and i feel i can finally stand still. what makes you feel like that?

    and sometimes, all you need is good conversation.


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