Thursday, 20 November 2008

You might call me crazy

I've been talking to my computer a lot. Like, really talking to it.

Every morning when I open my laptop, I say, "Good morning, Macintosh! Tell me you have some interesting news today... please!"
... See? Crazy!

It's become a habit, though. You see, it started a few months ago, when I'd refresh my e-mail account about five times in a sitting, with hopes that if I stared at it long enough, someone would send me... something. Anything.

It began with sources for my stories. I'd pick a day and send out an arsenal of e-mails.

"Hi, I'm S. This is what I'm doing. This is why I'm e-mailing you and this is how you can help. Help! Sincerely, S"

I'd send out about 8-10 of these per sitting.

Then in the days that followed, I'd do the ritual. Open up my inbox and stare. Then, refresh, refresh, refresh! Usually, there would be nothing. Sometimes, there would be the odd message from Facebook... and sometimes, a bill statement (I really should have stuck to paper billing).

This soon ventured off into other aspects. Sources turned into dinner requests, dinner requests turned into internship applications and those turned into... well, nothing.

Which is why I've resorted to talking to Macintosh. Perhaps if I suck up to the machine from the moment I wake up to the time my eyes close before bed... something will give, right?

I figure, maybe it's not an e-mail-only thing. Maybe it's the karma I'm sending out through the wires(less) and clicks. Maybe if I'm nice to the machine, the Man will get back to me.

So until then, I've got nothing to lose, right?

Dear Macintosh,
I love you. Please tell them to e-mail me with some good news!





Tuesday, 18 November 2008

Some notes

Today has been an incredibly long day. Maybe it's the fact that I'm running on two hours of sleep, or maybe it has something to do with my quest for self-discovery (again, I know...), but I made some observations over the past 22 hours.

- It is easier to fall in love, than it is to fall out of love. Falling in love can take a split second or a lifetime to achieve, but when it happens, you know... and when it does, it's easy. Falling out of love is a whole other experience that can forever leave us changed. Because we get out of it different than when we got into it... and the thought of going back to how we were, is a terrifying experience in and of itself.

- Sometimes you just need your friends to be your friends. Whether it is by telling you exactly what you want to hear, or even if it's telling you what you NEED to hear, sometimes your friends just make an experience more bearable to get through.

- I think I'll spend the rest of my life trying to answer some of life's unanswerable questions.... I can't help it!

- I've always been an observer, and I don't think that will ever change. There's something to be said about being able to place yourself in a situation and just watch those around you.... behaviours, body language, thoughts, ideas, opinions... everything, even a small word can trigger a thought process that maybe even you never imagined you could deal with before.

- I haven't lived the way I want to live. If i want to live the way I do, I need to embrace the risks that come knocking at my door.

- You can learn a lot about a person/people over a pitcher or two of beer.

- You can learn a lot about yourself over a pitcher or two of beer.

... the question now remains, do I like what I see... with myself? With everyone else?


Saturday, 15 November 2008

I find it funny...

... that as a writer, I barely ever have time to write for leisure.

I've had a lot on my mind lately. Some of it is school related, while other things stem from the personal aspect that I referred to in the post previous to this. Some experiences over the past few months have left me thinking and longing to reevaluate a few areas in my life.

For one thing, I am trying to appreciate where I am in time and place. I want to keep remembering that life is about the journey, not the destination. I've realized that it's so easy to get caught up in where I want to get to, that I tend to forget where I am. I keep telling myself that there's certain things that are out of my control and that there's only so much I can do without losing it. And this is a fact. I'm realizing quickly that I can't be in control of all the outcomes in my life (as much as I'd like to). It really does seem as though some things are just predetermined, and we just have to play along. This is because no matter how hard we fight for something, sometimes, it's just not destined to be ours.

I've also been talking to a very good friend of mine lately, about some experiences she's been having in the guy department. Though I tend to be an idealist, I must acknowledge that I haven't been too optimistic lately. But I thought, without a doubt, that what she shared with this guy was something special... and I guess I was wrong.

Sometimes even Peter Pan masquerades as a grown man, though he is fully aware that he wants to stay a boy forever. To this friend, please remember, you're worthy of a man who loves you just the way you are, no questions asked and no mind games required. You don't need Peter Pan, and you certainly don't deserve to be second to anyone else. I hope you always remember that. Also, I've shared this with you already, but just in case... no one can make you feel inferior without your consent...

Finally, I'd like to ask some (small few) people in my life who tend to call themselves my friends (you know who you are), please--without doing me any favours--please give me a little more credit than you do. I think I deserve that much.

four more weeks.

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