I guess I was more angry at myself, during the turn of events this past month, than I was at the actual source. I was mad for letting my guard down, and more angry that I allowed myself to risk such a huge part of... well, me. After the initial burst, I felt relief at the fact that my confession was not without merit, as I heard all that I wanted to hear and then some. I went in with complete conviction that I would be let down, and was ready for it. Instead, I was fed scoopfuls of words that girls only imagine hearing at some point or another. It doesn't happen often, so when it does happen, we take it...
Maybe we shouldn't... always. Well, rather, I shouldn't.
I don't know... It felt good to hear all that, you know? Like... "wow, I put myself out there, took a risk... and actually got results!"
It even felt good the next day, when we corresponded... it felt like we were getting to know each other ... as promised the day before. But after that... it was all me. The messages, the questions... all me. That doesn't exactly go along with what I had heard before. There's that saying: "Actions speak louder than words"... and this was a key case and point. The actions certainly did not add up to the words I had heard.
I know people are busy. I get that. Heck, I am too... I have 5 articles and 2 quizzes to study for, all this week. But, if interested, I can do the 5-minute coffee... I can do the walk to the subway... I can do the 1 line message or 2 minute phonecall. This is all... possible, even in a crazy-busy world. But only if you want it to be. I wanted it to be... I thought he did too. Or maybe, I had heard wrong.
For some reason, this is taking a lot longer for me to get over than I would like. Perhaps because he is everywhere.. at work, on the computer... I can't disconnect and move on. But I have to... and I will.
I just hope that any guys out there who are reading this, will break from pattern. Please don't tell someone you mean something, when you don't. WORDS are powerful... more powerful than you can ever imagine. It is communication, it is real... Words dictate our heartbeat, our adrenaline, our ups and downs. A kind word can ignite the smile muscle just as easily as a mean one can make us cry. So please, use them wisely, use them sparingly.
Don't speak just because you can. Sometimes the truth is all we need. Even if it isn't what you think we want to hear.
whoa, why does this sound like my relationship? well, at least the apparent, "i have no time". i agree that it's bs. if something matters, you make the time.
ReplyDeleteand you most likely didn't hear wrong. men seem to get quite confused when it comes to making a commitment. they say something to keep you around, when really, it's not what they mean at all. or maybe it is, and they just don't know how to negotiate.
i am seriously no help here. i think i understand men as much as you do. not at all.
we should all try to get together soon. maybe some good food, and some good wine.
:)
Wine and dinner sounds amazing... Will I see you at the bday bash next weekend? How about dinner the following week? and dude, get my real email from van.... lol!
ReplyDeletexoxo
luv ya!
i won't be coming next weekend i don't think. i've got another birthday thing to attend, but vanessa and i are working on getting everyone to the same place so we can all be together. the weekend after that, i think vanessa is planning on doing something with everyone for her and our friend amanda's birthday.
ReplyDeletevanessa is in the way of everything. hahahaha! try getting a hold of her so we can work something out.
k, no prob... i hope we're all at the same place. but yea, i'll chit chat with her.
ReplyDeletexoxo hope things are well with you nic!