I guess I was more angry at myself, during the turn of events this past month, than I was at the actual source. I was mad for letting my guard down, and more angry that I allowed myself to risk such a huge part of... well, me. After the initial burst, I felt relief at the fact that my confession was not without merit, as I heard all that I wanted to hear and then some. I went in with complete conviction that I would be let down, and was ready for it. Instead, I was fed scoopfuls of words that girls only imagine hearing at some point or another. It doesn't happen often, so when it does happen, we take it...
Maybe we shouldn't... always. Well, rather, I shouldn't.
I don't know... It felt good to hear all that, you know? Like... "wow, I put myself out there, took a risk... and actually got results!"
It even felt good the next day, when we corresponded... it felt like we were getting to know each other ... as promised the day before. But after that... it was all me. The messages, the questions... all me. That doesn't exactly go along with what I had heard before. There's that saying: "Actions speak louder than words"... and this was a key case and point. The actions certainly did not add up to the words I had heard.
I know people are busy. I get that. Heck, I am too... I have 5 articles and 2 quizzes to study for, all this week. But, if interested, I can do the 5-minute coffee... I can do the walk to the subway... I can do the 1 line message or 2 minute phonecall. This is all... possible, even in a crazy-busy world. But only if you want it to be. I wanted it to be... I thought he did too. Or maybe, I had heard wrong.
For some reason, this is taking a lot longer for me to get over than I would like. Perhaps because he is everywhere.. at work, on the computer... I can't disconnect and move on. But I have to... and I will.
I just hope that any guys out there who are reading this, will break from pattern. Please don't tell someone you mean something, when you don't. WORDS are powerful... more powerful than you can ever imagine. It is communication, it is real... Words dictate our heartbeat, our adrenaline, our ups and downs. A kind word can ignite the smile muscle just as easily as a mean one can make us cry. So please, use them wisely, use them sparingly.
Don't speak just because you can. Sometimes the truth is all we need. Even if it isn't what you think we want to hear.