Sunday, 31 July 2011

Memories that were

Its a funny thing, life. Full of ups and downs, twists and turns, and other similar cliches. Never consistent, really. And through it all there exists this invisible club that dictates a set of rules you should abide by in order to classify your life as 'normal'.

What does that word really mean, anyway? 'Normal.' Anyone who thinks they have this whole life business figured out is in even more denial than Michael Jackson was about his sexuality. (Too soon?)
I'm writing this post today because I once again find myself at a very strange juncture in life.

Perhaps it's because I've disconnected so much lately, or perhaps it's because I've forced myself to grow up a lot over the past couple of years (I'm not sure). But I find myself looking at past experiences in my life with renewed perspective. Where before, merely minutes, days, and sometimes even months after said experiences, I would look back and become overwhelmed with raw emotions, (some of which were quite paralyzing), I now find I'm able to look back and compartmentalize the exact feelings I felt during those moments.

A for instance? Well, Craig Armstrong's songs from the Love Actually soundtrack would always make me well up with tears. Why? Christmas 2009. You can check the archives to get an idea of what was going down at that time. It's a bizarre fact to share, but let me explain. For months and months, every time I heard the familiar notes for Prime Minister's Theme, I'd lose it. Not sure why (well, yes...). And Joni Mitchell? Done.

But now all of a sudden when I hear those songs, I'm transported back to the memory that evoked these ridiculous emotions, and I'm content. I don't go through the psychological motions of it any more. It almost feels like I'm watching a movie.

Perhaps I can equate it to something we can all relate to. You know how you'd feel when you liked a girl or boy in grade school (and for some of us, even later), only to find out they didn't feel the same way? Then you know how the emotions would consume you beyond rational thought, to the point where you would feel like your only shot at love and happiness had gone the ways of the dodo? And you know how you spent days on end after that, feeling like you'd never get over it, only to wake up one morning and not have it be the first, second or last thought in your mind?. ...Yea? Well that's sort of what it feels like right now.

I look back on those moments/memories and not only think about the experience, but also think about the way I acted/reacted to them in the days that followed. And then I can't help but laugh.

Why is it that things always appear so much larger than life in the moment? It's almost guaranteed that down the road, if you get through it, the moment will appear as a fragmented speckle in the filing cabinet that is your memory.

I suppose it's easy to lose perspective during experiences that evoke intense emotions. At least in my case. But it's nice to reach a place in life where something that initially absorbed so much thought and mental energy, no longer does. The realization that life's emotional roller coasters eventually have dips and lulls is fantastic. Especially when you initially believed the ride would never end.

I've really come to appreciate the moments not clouded with chaos and uncertainty. And I look forward to the days after a roller coaster where I'm not replaying the ride in my mind... On loop.

It's nice to be able to look back on a memory as a painting on display in the art gallery that is your life. Isn't it?


Image courtesy of Google Images

Saturday, 30 July 2011

Clearing out the cobwebs

Yep. It's official: I'm definitely not in a good place in my life right now. You know how I know that? I've managed to not put a single word into this blog for over a month. It's the first time this has happened since I first started Straight From The Curls back in 2007.

Thankfully it's the August long weekend, and I've dedicated my time to write. Write for leisure first, and for work second. Ah! I can't tell you how good it feels just now. Just sitting here putting thoughts into words. I can feel myself de-stressing already. Do any of you ever experience that? When you finally find yourself doing something you love for leisure, and you feel all the worries, stress and absolute weight of life just slip away into the shadows? Even if only temporarily? Hmmm...

Since my last post (which was in the middle of June?!?! -- what?!), I've been dealt a couple of unsettling blows by life. But I know as I sit here and write this, that it could be worse. Work has been alright. Some days are better than others... especially because it's a new style of writing, for a new audience, with new demands. But I think I'm working it out. I miss my lifestyle and travel pieces terribly, but I'm continuing to freelance (as much as possible, anyway) for some of the magazines I've worked for, which I'm truly excited about.

I've also been reevaluating my life and the choices I've made to this point. I almost feel like I might have a different purpose... a different calling than what I'm up to these days. I just wish I had more clarity. Perhaps I should put those meditation lessons to some use, huh?

Also, on a side note, I think it's worth mentioning that when I was in Seoul at this time last year, I went to a restaurant where the waitress offered me a cup of Turkish coffee, and then told me she would do a psychic reading. I didn't think anything of it at the time, but as she was doing the reading, she asked me to promise her that I'd go visit my doctor. I just shrugged it off, and went on with my life. I now wish I'd listened to her sooner. Nothing to worry about... just a cautionary tale -- when a psychic makes you pinky promise to go see your doctor, you might want to take that little nugget of information a little more seriously.

In other news, I've also booked a short trip at the end of August to visit a friend in the States. It's really exciting, because it will be exactly a year to the day since we last saw each other. I can't wait! Expect a lot of travel posts from that visit!

Hope all is well with y'all!


Image courtesy of Google Images
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