Sunday Song

I've spent the past few Sundays being a homebody. I've baked, decorated, slept, ready books and spent some quality time with my family and friends. In the hustle and bustle of everything that's happened since moving back to Toronto, I never imagined that this would be the exact prescription needed to get through my severe case of reverse culture shock.

I've reconnected with friends... or rather, established a new degree of comfort with friends who know me the best. It's a great feeling, and in the spirit of the season, I am counting each of my blessings.

2010 has been quite the melange of a year, filled with travels, love, heartbreak, life lessons and about a gajillion reasons to smile. I'm grateful for the experiences that forced me to grow up, and thankful for the moments that were so precious, I wished they'd last forever.

Despite the pitiful state of the economy, I take comfort in knowing I've chosen the career track that's right for me, and I know (and hope) that someday, I too will get my turn in to bathe in sunlight.

I was going through the photos on my computer this afternoon and stumbled across a few that I'd forgotten about. The discoveries really made me smile and I wanted to share them with you.

This series of photos takes me from January 2010, right to my first month back in Toronto.

I took this photo before heading down to purchase my ticket to Thailand. I left on my two week trip a month later. This was the most snow Seoul had seen in over 70 years. I wasn't prepared for it, and as you can see, neither were the people who'd lived there their whole lives.

This is a photo of the floor in my favourite café in Seoul - Café Da Vinci. It's Robert Frost's poem 'The Road Not Taken'. I love this poem and it seeing it was a constant reminder of my journey through Korea, and about the changes that took place in my life.

This photo was taken during the second leg of my trip through Thailand. We took a boat trip around Ayutthaya, and I saw this boat... with a room for rent. I wish I'd seen what it looked like inside.

This pirate... erm, I mean waiter worked at Bora Bora restaurant on Kho Phi Phi. He was quite an interesting character. A waiter by day and a fire twirler by night. I imagine he's thinking 'arrrrgh' in this photo!

This photo exemplifies life on Kho Phi Phi - relaxation at its best. Cats slept like this all around the island. I later found out it's because of heat exhaustion. Who knew?!

About a month after I got back from Thailand, the weather changed dramatically, and the cherry blossoms came out. This is a view of the street I lived on. It was such a pretty sight, and I loved my walks. The blossoms only lasted for a couple of weeks.

This photo was taken in Hampyong, Korea, during the city's annual butterfly festival. I love how happy she is. The sun was out, and everyone at this festival just seemed to be having such a fabulous time. Quite the stretch from the atmosphere back in Seoul.

I can't remember if this photo was taken in Insadong, Seoul, or in Busan. Regardless, I loved the message and the fact that it was so prominently placed the shopping centre. Words to live by.

This is another photo taken in Hampyong. I guess the timing was perfect. I love the older kid's reaction. The little boy had a blown up baton, but the look the older kid's face would let you believe it was steel.

Finally, in Busan, during one of the last trips I took while in Korea. I love that the guy being buried is STILL on his cellphone, and isn't fazed that his friend is making his body into that of a woman's.... A well endowed woman, it seems.

September in Toronto... the seasons had changed. Summer flowers gave way to colourful autumn leaves, and I was back to experience it all. I believe I was a lot more optimistic about my life back then.

This was one of my favourite photos taken in the fall. This tree was in the woods by my house, and I had a lovely view of it from my balcony. It was great watching the leaves change, and then eventually fall, as the season gave way to winter.

And there you have it. 12 random photos that have brought me to where I am right now. 2010 has been quite the year. But to be honest, I'm ready to pack it up and put it on the shelf. Bring on 2011.

xo
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Your roots will follow

It's always nice to remember where you came from, even if you're not sure where you're going.


My lovely aunt sent me the sweetest e-mail greeting today. I mentioned her in a post I wrote after visiting India in 2008. She's in her mid-70's and still managed to find the perfect e-greeting for this random Saturday message. Her tech-savvy-ness is beyond impressive!

There was no purpose or special occasion for the greeting. She just wanted to say that she was thinking of me, and that she was proud of me. I was pretty taken aback, as I wasn't expecting to hear from her until my birthday. Her words were like sweet poetry -- something that I've always known comes very naturally to her. My aunt knows just what to say and when. I love listening to her and reading her letters.

In a few short sentences she reminded me of all that I've overcome in life, and of all that she hopes for my future. As I lay on my bed while the rain hit the pavement outside, I couldn't help but feel absolutely guilty. I think about her often and I miss her a lot. I'm not sure why I haven't stayed in touch. It's not like I don't have the time. I guess I just wasn't thinking. As soon as I'm done this post I will be writing to her. But before that, I should mention one thing that came up in the message.

"When will the experiences of your Goa trip materialize?" she asked.

I wasn't sure what she meant when I read the question at first. But after spending the afternoon thinking about it, I remembered something. During my short visit with her, she was keen on me writing a series of articles about a pressing issue in Goa at the moment -- a beautiful post-colonial state that's being exploited by tourists with a lot of money, and a government that's more keen on pleasing them, rather than preserving the rich culture and heritage that makes Goa so unique from the rest of India.

I never did end up writing those articles. But now I feel the need to do.... something.

I've been keeping updated on the changes, however I'm no longer a citizen of India. I haven't been for a very long time. Still, as you know, fragments of my heart are floating along the Arabian coast and memories of Goa cease to disappear with time. Though I'm not physically present, my roots extend from that small, coastal state. I'll always be tied to it, regardless of where I end up on this planet. I mean, here I am, in Seoul, Korea, thinking of a country I lived in as child. I only spent three weeks in the state as an adult, but I remember the distinct changes in the landscape, the priorities and most of all, in the environment.

My aunt is an active member in the community. Despite age and dwindling health, she still finds the strength to wake up each morning and trudge to the capital city and work for the causes she believes in. A critical one that she's involved in is empowering women in local villages to educate themselves and stand up for their rights. This is a big deal, as a lot of women in rural parts of the state still live with the old mindset that they simply go from being daughters and sisters to wives and mothers. And, should the unfortunate occur and their husbands pass away, they confine themselves to their houses and wait their turn to dive into the great abyss.

She really does amaze me. I'm grateful to her as she's the link to my roots. My aunt reminds me of where I came from -- of my ancestors and history. She sees purpose in my existence and believes that I can enforce change. I'm flattered, but I hope an idea or opportunity surfaces soon.

Looks like it's time to put on my thinking hat.

As Winnie the Pooh says, "Think, think, think..."

Love you, aunty M!

xo
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Image courtesy of Google Images

Dear Life

"Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things you didn't do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover."

- Mark Twain

Dear Life,

You've been keeping me on my toes for almost quarter of a century now. Literally, you had me convinced I could run before I could walk. What's with that? I guess it's what set the whole 'you're older than your time' issue in motion.

But, I'm grateful to you. You've never left me for lack of entertainment. Just when I find myself getting bored, you always manage to throw another adventure into my path. Even if I'm tired and want to sleep for days, you manage to keep my mind racing with thoughts and ideas at a mile a millisecond. Sometimes they lead to massive brain cramps, but mostly they inspire me.

You've taught me lessons after the fact. I've tripped, stumbled and bruised my way to this moment in time, but I've (mostly) learned from the falls. You've made me stronger with each obstacle and have ensured that I have the power to overcome even my deepest and darkest fears. Don't get me wrong, I'm still nursing some of these battle scars, but I know I'll get through... because of time.

Life, you've taught me that time is neither linear or infinite (I guess I'm stating the obvious here, huh?). I have a few windows to jump through and a handful of doors to open in my adventure on this planet. And the most recent lessons have taught me that I HAVE to take chances and fly through them. Doing so will ensure that I'll always know I tried and trudged forward with faith, regardless of the outcomes.

I've learned the importance of having hope. It's the fuel that humanity runs on. If there was no hope, we would have all given up on just about everything by now. Even doctors, engineers and scientists - people who mostly work with definite answers - will admit that they believe in possibilities. Thinking positively about the future means that hope is a key ingredient in their thought processes. And it should be... for all of us.

I've learned to be grateful for moments of love and blissful perfection - even if they're momentary. Experiences where you feel like you're floating on clouds of happiness and can touch the sky mean such moments do exist. And if you've experienced them, you should be grateful, because not everyone does. I guess I'm one of the lucky few... even if just by moments.

I've learned to appreciate your sense of humour, Life. Seriously, you're a regular clown when you want to be. I mean, just when you have me believing I'm on a steady and sturdy path, you decide you're bored and put a boulder in my way. And what do you do next? Well, you watch while I work my way around (and mostly through) that giant rock. But I'll give it to you, you somehow always provide me with solutions on how to get by. So thanks for that, I guess. I'm glad you're amused at my expense!

Lastly (for now), thanks for making me into the kind of person who feels truly, honestly and deeply. You've given me senses that are triggered by the heart over the mind. I sometimes wish it was the other way around because perhaps my journey would be easier that way. But as it stands, I'm happy with the way things are for now. Living like this lets me see and experience the goodness, beauty and love in this world with genuine light.

I love openly because that's the only way I know how. And thank you for bringing kindred spirits into my life who also see things the way I do. But mostly, thanks for the ones who think differently, because they've taught me a lot as well. They've definitely made the journey that much more interesting.

So, here's looking forward to what you've got planned for me next. Bring on the lessons and adventures, because really, who ever liked taking the straight path anyway?

Cheers!

xo
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Image courtesy of Google Images

Hope and forward movement

"I'm moving into 2010, leaving what happened and who happened behind in 2009," I said.

"Don't you think that's kind of extreme?" she asked, with a shocked expression on her face.

"Kind of... but it's a new decade, so why not, right?" I said, thoughtfully. "I brought a lot of baggage with me into 2009, and I'm tired of lugging it around. So whoever wants to come along, can meet me in 2010. I don't mind! I'm just not carrying anything around with me anymore."

We did something on new year's eve this time. After the clock struck midnight and we shared our kisses, we headed out into the streets, lighters in hand, and burned two pieces of paper each. On one paper, we wrote something we were saying goodbye to, and on the other, something we were looking forward to. I'd never done anything like this before, so the thought of visually seeing something disappear and welcomed into the new year thrilled me to no extent.

It was a lot easier to write out those two statements than I thought it would be. Just before December took its final bow, I had pretty much made up my mind about what I wanted out of my life... and what I wanted in it.

There were no resolutions made this year. Just statements... filled with hope.

Hope.

I've come to realize that it's not luck or love or money that makes life move forward. Sure, all those things can make life better and more comfortable... but the foundation and reasons why we move forward... those things are based in hope.

I've broken almost every resolution I've ever made, looking back as far as I can. Sometimes, it's within a month... and sometimes it's just before I make the next resolution. So this year, I decided it was time to take a different approach.

I like the me I've met in Seoul. I want to take her back home with me. Back to the constant life I lead, among the constants in my day to day. In the four months I've been here, I've learned very different lessons than I have in my entire life - both, while in India and Canada.

I've needed to learn these lessons, and I can only imagine what the next few months have in store.

But even through the hard times and lulls, the one blessing I always have with me is my hopefulness.

Without it, I would be... lost.

So the general idea through this journey is to not let my hopefulness overtake my present. Hope means looking forward with optimism that everything will turn out alright. Now, whether that 'alright' is the kind of 'alright' I want, or the kind that the universe wants... well, that's yet to be determined.

But all I can do in 2010 is continue, in hope, that what will be... will be.

xo
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Image courtesy of Google Images

I thought I liked running into people...

... who I thought I'd left in my past.

But I'm starting to think that's not such a brilliant thing after all. Let me explain:

I was at the Tim Horton's just around the corner from my work and ran into a police officer. I looked at his face and realized that I knew him. I was friends with his brother when I was in high school. We had become really good friends over a period of time and seemed to enjoy each other's company a lot. Then one day, he mentioned that he thought a friend of mine was cute... someone who he hadn't spoken to... someone who used to make fun of him and his friends when we all waited for the bus to school. But, Cupid in me kicked in and I figured why not introduce them? So I did.

The girl was someone who was in my larger circle of friends... but I noticed that over the course of that summer, she too started getting close to me... but the common factor was, well, the guy. Being 17 and all, I didn't think much of it.

As the summer drew to a close, I realized that the two were getting closer and we in fact, dating... I remember thinking at one point that I should have considered a career in matchmaking, because this was the third couple that I'd managed to set up, successfully. (Go me...)

Anyway, as the days turned to weeks, the weeks to months, I noticed that these two people had gradually stopped talking to me. I wasn't sure why, at first... but I soon realized that they, like peas in a pod, had both gotten all they had wanted from my friendship... each other. I was simply the medium.

I haven't seen the guy in about seven years. The girl was in one of my classes in university ... but let's not talk about the servings of awkward sauce involved in that.

Fast-forward to 10:30a.m. this morning... I run in to the brother of the guy of topic (who is now a proud serving officer of Toronto's Law Enforcement, mind you). The brother is also a police officer.

And this is what he says to me:

Hey! Did you hear about X and Y? Yea, they're engaged now. Did you know that? They belong together, it's so cool how it all happened! They're searching for houses together...

... Did I hear? No. Was I supposed to hear?

Needless to say, I saw this coming. I knew it would happen eventually but I guess I never prepared myself for it. My automatic impulse was to run back up to the office and call someone and say, "Ohmigosh, did you know??" because she would probably appreciate this kind of news... But I didn't. I needed therapy... and I figured this was the best way to get just that.

I might delete this post if I read it again. Then again, maybe not.

I also wondered if I was perhaps missing something. Am I missing an element in my life that should make me want to have a marriage or a strong relationship before 25? Maybe it would be nice but... I wouldn't know where to fit a relationship into the roller coaster that is my life right now.

But the news did strike something. I just can't figure out what it is quite yet.

xo
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