Simple love in real time

How can it already be February? Where did the last month go? 2013 took off to a busy start for me in terms of work and my personal life as well. I was knee deep in all things Valentine's Day, but I was also experiencing something that I hoped would eventually happen... 

In the cold days of January I felt the fog over one of my past experiences lift... and for the first time in many years, I experienced clarity. And oh, what a feeling that is! It's that moment where there are no more doubts about something weighing heavily on your soul. There are no more back and forths; no more what ifs; no more maybe this and maybe thats. No more tug of war games between your heart and your head. It's the moment when you realize that things are exactly as they are supposed to be -- and that you're completely okay with that.

Ah! And in that moment of clarity I did something for myself. I booked a trip to a country that's been at the top of my travel wish-list ever since I fell in love with Pride & Prejudice as a fourteen-year-old girl. I'm off to England at the end of the month to visit a dear friend, to have some of my own adventures, to dream, write, breathe, laugh, and to maybe... just maybe meet my Mr. Darcy. (Hey, a lady can dream, right?)

But before I do that, I need to reaffirm some things. It's kind of like my own take on therapy for 2013. To focus on the positive. My goal is to end each post this year with some of my favourite things. These are the ordinary, everyday things that bring a smile to my face without effort. They are the simple strokes that add to the the painting that is my life and I need to acknowledge them, because let's face it -- It's so easy to get lost in the negativity sometimes. So here we go. 

The simple things...

. Perfectly ripe avocados

. Wildflowers 

. The way the sky looks during sunrise/sunset

. A cool breeze on a warm day

. A warm spot of sunshine on a cold day

. Plain bread and butter sandwiches

. Cursive writing

. Snail mail (Flyers and bills not included)

. Big, oversized scarves -- no matter the season

. Sam -- the eyebrow cat (Those eyebrows are 100% real + he has a very sweet story!)

Image courtesy of SamHasEyebrows.com

What are the simple things in your life that you love? Can you list at least three?

xo
Simi

Festive Baking

We're almost at mid-December, and I'm starting to get into the festive spirit. I've always enjoyed baking, and I think the Christmas season begs for some relaxing time spent in the kitchen. Yes, I said 'kitchen' and 'relaxing' in the same sentence!

Nothing brings me more joy over the holidays than setting aside time to listen to carols, while baking festive treats for friends and family. How comforting is the smell of freshly baked shortbread? What about ginger molasses cookies? These smells send me into a state of nostalgia —the good kind! The kind where every one of my senses gets engulfed in happy memories.

So I thought I'd take this opportunity to share some of my favourite recipes with you. These aren't family secrets (I'll save those for another post... maybe!), but they're a blend of tried and trues, and ones I'd like to attempt over the holidays this year.

Classic shortbread cookies, all dolled up for the holidays. Shortbread cookies are my standard go-to when it comes to baking. Easy, delicious, and SO much fun to decorate.

I get especially excited over Christmas time because Hershey's brings out their Candy Cane Kisses. These beauties are chocolate peppermint cookies with Candy Cane Kisses. A delicious blend of some of my favourite things!

One of my best recipes for family and friends is this delicious chocolate chip cheesecake, with an Oreo cookie crust. It took me a few tries to get it right, but now it's a recipe I turn to at almost any celebration.

My friend Melissa baked these fantastic vanilla bean cupcakes, with strawberry buttercream during a get together this past weekend. She found the recipe online. The cupcakes are delicious by themselves, but the buttercream is unbelievable. She took fresh strawberries and mixed them in a food processor, then added them to the buttercream. The result? Buttercream that tastes more like strawberries than sugar. Delicious!

Love 'em or leave 'em, no Christmas bake-a-thon is complete without a classic rum fruitcake. My mother has a great recipe that she turns to every year. She even soaks the fruit slices in rum, months ahead. The smell of the cake baking in the oven sends me into nostalgic overdrive.

So what are your festive baking plans for Christmas? Do you have your own tried and true recipes you turn to? Or perhaps you're attempting something new this year? Do you have any secret recipes passed down through the generations? I'd love to hear from you.

Whatever you find yourself doing in preparation for Christmas, I hope you have fun! I hope you're surrounded by love and laughter, and that your experiences give way to wonderful memories you'll cherish and turn to in the years to in the years to come.

xoxo

Images courtesy of Pinterest.com and Google Images

9/11 - You May Say I'm a Dreamer

"You may say I'm a dreamer.
But I'm not the only one.
I hope some day you'll join us.
And the world will live as one."
- John Lennon

A lot of people have spent today reflecting on their whereabouts exactly 10 years ago. Almost everyone can perhaps remember where they were, and what they were doing when they found out the twin towers in New York City had come down, as the result of a terrorist attack.

Me? I was one week into my grade 11 year in high school. I can't quite remember which class I was in while it was happening, but I do remember where I was when I found out. Our second period English teacher had been called away with the rest of the staff for an 'emergency meeting.' When she came back into the classroom, she looked pale and obviously shaken up. She, then, choosing the best words she could muster given the situation, proceeded to tell us that there was an 'attack' in New York City, and that we wouldn't be on a regular schedule for the rest of the day. Little did I realize that the schedule I'd known up until that point, would never be the same again. Not for me. Not for the rest of the world.

2001 was a pivotal year in my life. I turned 16 that summer, to a lot of chaos, both personally, and externally. I never realized that the events of that year would have ramifications so far into the future.

I'm not going to go into details about my thoughts on the fact that this tragedy has resulted in more wars and hate crimes in our world. But suffice to say, I don't think we've learned anything since the tragedy that was 9/11. That, in and of itself, is it's own kind of tragedy.

I do believe, however,  that a new generation with a new understanding has emerged -- one that strives for peace, and is fueled by hope. It's inspiring.

But there are still a lot of people in power -- the decision makers and influencers -- who are choosing not to promote change for the better. They're encouraging hate in political platforms, and are drawing lines among citizens who should be working together for the common good. They're promoting fear, when they should be encouraging hope and love.

Call me dramatic, but this is just how I see it right now. I sometimes catch the broadcasts on conservative news networks, and get goosebumps. I can't believe people are allowed to stand on their soapboxes and say the things they do. It's all so heartbreaking.

Here's my hope.

I'm hoping that 10 years from now, we'll be able to look back as a world that's managed to piece itself together. That we're encouraging peace and taking the time to break down walls. That we're teaching our children to think and act with love in their hearts, rather than hate. And that our priorities remain more focused on engaging in discourse where we're actually listening to each other, instead of focusing on getting the last word.

It might be a tall order, but a girl can imagine, right?

I'd like to end this post with one of my favourite singers, Neil Young, performing a tribute cover of John Lennon's iconic song, Imagine.




Here's wishing you, dear readers, lots of love and peace, from my heart to yours.

xo
Simi

Set fire to the rain

Ever encounter a musician who feeds and ignites even the most wounded parts of your soul? Here's Adele. I love her. Her lyrics are awesome and they resonate. Such a raw and wonderful singer/writer.

Resilience

I spent some much needed quality time with a couple of my girlfriends this past Saturday. Is there anything better for the soul than easy laughter over brunch with forever friends?

We don't see each other a lot these days, so when we do get together, it's always well appreciated. The conversations focused around the usual topics -- what we'd been up to since we last got together, men, our families, men, women, our upcoming plans, men... and reminders.

F decided to get tattooed on Saturday. She had been mulling over the idea and placement of it for a long time, but after finally having made up her mind on the 'where' and 'what' she decided the 'when' had to be on Saturday. So after a day of shopping and gossiping, we found ourselves on Yonge Street, in the friendliest Tattoo parlour I'd ever been in.

F told me a while back that she wanted the word "Resilience" tattooed in script on her body.

"Why not 'Resilient'?" I asked. "Wouldn't that be better?"

"Well, I'm not resilient. It's something I have to remind myself to try and be everyday," she said.

And after having listened to some stories from F's life, I couldn't think of a more perfect word for her to meditate on.

Resilience.

Ten letters joined together to connote so many different visuals and ideas.

Life expects us to be resilient, but no living thing can fully say they are, can they? Resilience is something we have to strive for. Plants and animals have to strive for resilience against the elements. And if they survive, they become resilient -- but just through that particular storm. If another one comes along, they have to strive for resilience again... and again... and again.

It's the same way with humans too -- we have to strive for resilience through the elements and physical forces. But there's also resilience from emotional and mental pitfalls. Battles that were fought long ago can leave unseen scars which, for some people, need to be dealt with everyday. These scars can affect our everyday life, our choices, our paths. But striving for resilience helps us get through, whether it's one day at a time, or one hour at a time.

If we simply turn on the news these days, we're reminded of what a mess our world is in. The recession is destroying families and businesses, earthquakes and tsunamis are causing havoc, and man-made wars are hurting civilians in so many countries.

And in between all the headlines we read "...but the people of Japan are resilient. They will get through this." Or "Libya is one of the most resilient nations in the world." Or even "This recession has made people resilient..."

The thing is... they're not. They're striving for resilience. They're fighting battles they didn't ask to be in. They've been dealt these cards and now they're trying to cope. They're trying to be resilient.

Resilience isn't something that comes with the click of a button... it's something we have to hope for. It's something we have to strive for.

Resilience is fueled by the hope that we can get through. That someday, everything will be OK.

xo

Image courtesy of Google Images

Dr. Seuss on love

I love Dr. Seuss. The man certainly had a way with his words, didn't he? What's your favourite Dr. Seuss quote?


xo




Image courtesy of Google Images

A toad by any other name

I've been meaning to share this story with you all for quite some time now, but my biggest fan and number one critic (Mama C) didn't know about it, and I was afraid to tell her. But thanks to my lovely sibling, she's been enlightened, and now I'm free to share it with all of you.

So, here we go!

The back story.

A few weeks after moving back to Toronto from Seoul, I decided I needed to get out of my slump and meet new people. You might have read about my feelings upon moving back (if not, check out A year in a dream), but suffice to say, I felt left behind while all my friends had moved on in their respective lives, careers, romances, etc. So I thought the most logical thing to do at that time was to try online dating. It seemed easy enough -- you log in, create a profile, upload a photo, and consider your options.

A few friends were lucky enough to meet their significant others online, so I thought this was a good sign. Mind you, the sites they joined ranged from the popular ones you could join for free (my first big mistake in this endeavour), to the more complicated ones that involved filling out a questionnaire about 10 pages long.

So one Wednesday afternoon, after waking up confused about the date and time again, (an awful reaction to jet-lag), I joined the online dating world. I won't plug the website here, but I'll say this -- for a site that says they have a lot of fish, it sure doesn't have a variety. I think this is one of those cases where quality over quantity DOES matter.

I dove straight in.

I filled out the basic profile information -- age, sex, location, physical attributes, what I was looking for, interests. They seemed like basic enough questions that would matter when searching for a suitable partner online. Then came the other questions that set off a red flag in my mind, but which I filled out anyway -- race, body type, religion, political views...

Those of you who know me will agree that I'm more of a mind over matter kind of person. Sure, I like a great smile and broad shoulders just a much as the next person, but given the choice, I'll take a witty conversation, a sense of humour and intellectual stimulation over dead air, fancy dinners and kisses any day. (Yep, you read that right).

The usual suspects.

Within minutes of uploading my profile, I was inundated with messages. OK, that sounds a little pompous, but bear with me. I realized very quickly that women on online dating sites bear the brunt when it comes to filthy, bizarre and borderline creepy messages. They ranged from one liners about my race, to questions about my personal habits. Mind you, this was without an introduction. An even more creepy aspect was the age range of the guys sending these messages -- anywhere between 19 to 65. Just about any guy with a pulse and a libido, eh?

Within a few days I learned to filter the messages. I set up a criteria for myself and ruled out any messages that were one liners composed in broken English, (I will not date someone who doesn't know the difference between your and you're, to and two. We learn the difference between these words in grade 3, and the invention of spell-check does not give you an excuse to slack off on that matter. Phew! Sorry. Obviously a touchy subject.), or contained any reference to my race or religion from the get go.

I've never considered race or religion to be factors in my dating pursuits, and I know that I'd expect the same from anyone I was with. I hoped that with the turn of the century and with globalization these wouldn't be factors for anyone. I would never want to be with someone who only wanted to date me because I was X race or X religion. That would be a recipe for disaster from the gamut.

Along came J*

A few weeks and many disappointments later, I found myself weaning off the idea of online dating. I started to realize I preferred meeting people in real life. I mean, not that this wasn't real life, but this idea of quantity over quality was killing me. And I was becoming more jaded with each new message received with the title, "Yo baby! Ssup?!" I decided to give myself a chance for a couple more weeks, before deleting my profile from this pool of fish all together.

One night I received the following message in my inbox.

Subject: Dear Pretty Lady
Message: I am a PhD graduate from ******, where I specialized in ****** research. I am also an Indian Catholic just like you, and you know how rare we are in Canada. I am kinda bored this evening. Would you like to chat? :)
- J

I didn't reply back to him because I was turned off by the idea that he found my profile by typing 'Indian' and 'Catholic' into his search box. If these were important factors to him, then I knew we wouldn't get along. I figured not responding to him would mean I wasn't interested. This had worked in the past with messages from other guys, and I also figured it was the universal way of telling people you weren't interested in them (at least in this strange world of online dating).

Five minutes later, I received the following message.

Message: How come all the Pretty Indian Catholic girls are in Toronto, and I am stuck here in Vancouver? It's not fair. :)

Again, he emphasized the whole Indian Catholic thing. Now I knew for sure we wouldn't gel. But at this point I was also quite irritated and felt inclined to respond back with something snarky and mean. Instead, all I could come up with was this:

Message: I'm sure there's tons in Vancouver. Maybe you're not looking in the right places.

I guess he took this as a good sign (and now, I see how he could have), because I found an instant message pop up from him (the site had instant messaging?!). We talked for maybe five minutes. He asked me a bunch of questions about myself, and I tried to remain as short and civil to him as possible. I excused myself and told him I had to go offline, and said goodbye. It ended with him asking me to send him my contact information.... which, of course, I didn't.

The following morning, I received this message.

Subject: Dear Pretty S
Message: I enjoyed chatting with you this evening, and I am happy that you are a Goan. If you are interested, you can read about some of my best scientific research available from the ****** website. Anyway, I was planning to go to Hawaii in November, but it is hard to find a nice Indian Catholic girl to accompany me. So I was thinking if you would like to take a couple weeks off in November, perhaps you could visit me in Vancouver for a few days and then we could go from here. If you book your flight to and from Vancouver, I will pay for our trip to Hawaii. We would have a great time. When you are in Vancouver, I could teach you how to ski, and then when we get to Hawaii, I could teach you how to surf. :) I haven't really dated that much, but I am looking for a long term relationship with a lady that I could potentially marry someday. Please let me know if you are interested?
Best Regards,
- J (He also included his e-mail address and phone number in the message.)

This wasn't really happening, was it? ANOTHER emphasis on the whole Indian Catholic thing? Should I have told him that I barely made it to Sunday mass every week? Should I have indicated in my profile somewhere that being Indian doesn't define who I am and what I do on a daily basis? And to top that off... a free trip to Hawaii, ONLY IF I came on my own to visit him in Vancouver first? After a five minute chat?! This couldn't be real.

So I made a mental note to remove my race and religion from future online dating profiles (yet to happen). And even if he found me based on those factors, I would assume one look at what I wrote on my profile would drive him away, screaming, in the opposite direction -- we seemed like complete opposites as far as our priorities in life were concerned. So I ignored this message as well, figuring that not responding to a trip to Hawaii would drive home the point that I wasn't interested.

Then, a few days later, I received this message.

Subject: S, I like your eyes...
Message: ...because they are almost as narrow as mine. It was once said that evil spirits enter into wider eyes. So at least we don't have to worry about that. :)
- J

At this point, I was starting to get amused. I shared these messages with a friend of mine, who said, "You know, in all the time I've known you, I've never looked into your eyes and thought, 'Gee, S has really narrow eyes!'"

My own mum went into shock when she read this message recently. "For a scientist he sure does believe in old-wives tales a lot, huh?" she said.

As you can imagine, I still didn't respond back. But I also didn't think he was worthy of being blocked. After all, it wasn't too bad yet... right?

A few days later...

Subject: S, your eyes remind me...
Message: ...of the beauty of a tranquil Vancouver sunset gently glistening over the peaceful pacific blue.
- J :)

OK, this was nice. But if this hadn't been preceded by the string of bizarre and kind of creepy messages, I would have been flattered. I know by this point you're thinking, "Why haven't you responded to him yet?!" Or, "You're leading him on..." (How so?)

Here's the thing... I can't bring myself to tell someone, flat out, that I'm not interested in them. And I know a lot of you share my fear. I've had people do it to me in the past, and I know you, dear reader, have either had it happen to you, or have done it to someone else. I don't condone this, but I do think it's a better tactic than leading someone on with false hope. (Don't you think that's far worse?)

Wouldn't you figure that if someone hasn't responded to your handful of messages by now, that they weren't interested? Wouldn't you think that someone with a PhD would put the pieces together somehow?

No.

A few days later...

Subject: Dear Pretty S,
Message: I think you should get to know me. I don't drink alcohol or coffee because I don't take drugs and caffeine is a drug. If I get bored or depressed, I just run for miles and miles on the downtown Vancouver seawall. I am a (Ivy League)-educated scientist with a background in ******, ******, ******, and ******. To be honest, I am actually looking for a long term relationship with a lady I can marry someday. Although I am 35, I have better strength and stamina than most 25 year olds, and I have a healthy 102-year old Grandfather, so I am really only one third through my life.

If we are compatible, I am sure I can provide you with a wonderful and happy life in Vancouver, and it is only a five hour plane ride away from your family in Toronto which you can visit anytime. I believe that we could bring much happiness to each other's lives and to the lives of our families. Perhaps we could chat on skype video sometime?

Best Regards,
- J

Where do I begin...?!
1. I love how he assumed that if we got together I'd drop everything and move to Vancouver to live with him. Talk about an antiquated manner of thinking.
2. He's assuming he's a third though his life -- he could get hit by a bus tomorrow and be 100 per cent through his life (morbid, I know, but it's the truth).
3. If he thinks coffee is a drug, then that fact alone would set us miles apart. I love my cuppa java in the morning, and a nice cuppa tea in the evening. And sometimes, I like a glass of Merlot. And on hot days, I'll indulge in a margarita or two. I guess that makes me (and 99.9 per cent of the planet) a drug addict.

A few HOURS later, I received this.

Subject: S, I am not that good at mind reading.
Message: Also, I never really understood the concept of taking a hint? :) Please let me know what you thought about my previous messages because I would like to get to know you better. Thanks S.
- J

And finally, the last straw.

Message: Dear S, I once wanted to be a journalist, but I let it pass me by in favour of science. In journalism, we look for the crisis around us. In science, we cherish the universe that surrounds us. That is why I became a scientist.
- J

And with that, I blocked him, deleted my profile from the pool of fish, and vowed never to take online dating seriously again. It may work for a lot of people out there, but it clearly isn't for me right now.

I couldn't believe this guy. He insulted me for being in journalism... but the saving grace was AT LEAST I was a Goan.

Really? Is this what's left to deal with?

Dear readers, I would LOVE it more than anything if you shared some of your stories with me. Am I alone in my experiences? Do you have a funny or horrifying online dating story worth sharing?

Please join in the discussion on the blog's Facebook group or comment on this post. I can't possibly be alone in my experiences... can I?

xo




Image courtesy of Google Images
*Name has been changed for the sake of discretion.

Creative room

I'd like to tell you the story about my creative room.

When my brother and I were kids, my mum designated one room in the house for all our future pursuits. This was the room where I learned the alphabet, where my brother learned to count to 100, where I practiced what I thought look like amazing calligraphy (yes, at the ripe age of three), and where I became convinced beyond a shadow of a doubt that I'd grow up to become a teacher just like my mother. Or perhaps a pharmacist.

I wish I had a photo of that room to share with you. But since I don't, please allow me to put into words the image that's ingrained in my mind.

It wasn't a big room by any means. In fact, it was probably the smallest room in the house. It had a small bed in it, an antique clock and a buffet-style table along one wall, and a dinning table that converted into our study area as we got older. Oh, and the room also had a window, which in those peaceful days, overlooked a small wooded area - home to many a stray cats, each with their own designated name.

As you might imagine, this was a living room of sorts for us. In the evenings, my brother (tamer and more civilized than I'll ever be) would come home from school and sit at the table to do his homework and read his Archie comics, while mum would drink her cup of piping hot tea and grade test papers. In those days I hadn't started school yet, but I was fully aware of what mum did... and what my brother was starting to do. And I wanted in!

The green crayon

Green. That was the choice colour, it seems. As I sit here and think back to that special place, I can't see white walls. I can only see scribbles. Lots of scribbles. I would watch my mother and try to copy her actions as she studied her students papers with intensity. Every check mark on a paper would mean a check mark on the wall. If a student had the misfortune of receiving a big X through an answer, then so would a porcelain white spot on the wall. Alphabets and numbers were scrawled all over the chalky white canvases, including pictures from my mind, begging for expression, even though I could barely put a coherent thought together.

And through all of that, mum never got upset. She was always aware of the insane toddler running around the room thinking she was Picasso incarnate; and yet, she never once lost her temper. As the years passed by, the walls in that room became covered with all sorts of strange musings. I think there were some nursery rhymes in picture form as well. One section even looked like those stick figures that archeologists find on cave walls. I'll never know what went through our minds in those times.

Creating comfort

That particular room always brought me a sense of comfort as I got older. In fact, my mum even taught me to tell time with the help of that antique clock.

I remember the day we decided to paint over all the walls in the house. I walked into the room with my mum and we stared at all the years of 'creativity' etched into the paint.

"How come you never stopped me?" I asked her. "This looks like the work of a crazy person. You let me keep going and going..."

"If you didn't have this space, you'd probably have attacked all the walls in the house," she said, with a laugh. "Not that it stopped you, anyway."

I grinned knowingly.

In the end, I was sad to see a fresh coat of bougainvillea pink cover a decade of memories. But I was glad my mum gave us that space to test drive our dreams. Those walls held truths and secrets of innocent minds. My brother and I were allowed to believe, imagine, create and hope in that space, without worries of the outside world. It was a sanctuary filled with so much love and happiness.

And even though I ran around with my crayons, believing I was getting away with some sort of illegal act, my mum always knew. She was around. She sipped her tea and graded her papers, and she always made sure she knew.

And now, as I look back, I know.

If you've got children in your life, I hope you give them creative room.

Image courtesy of Google Images

Banksy and the Balloon Girl

Those of you familiar with Banksy's graffiti art will recognize this picture with ease. Balloon Girl has been one of my favourite pieces for quite some time now, and I was recently reminded of it when a friend posted it as her Facebook profile photo.

I love the simplicity and innocence of it. Every time I look at the picture, I consider two questions: is she embracing love? Or is love leaving her?

In one way she looks like she's reaching out and trying to grab the love balloon. Or at least willing it towards her. I imagine she's reaching out for love. If only it were that easy, huh? Wishing for love is clearly a different thing than actually having it.

It could also be that she has intentionally let go of the love balloon. Perhaps holding onto it became too painful. Maybe she feared that it would pop and fade to a million pieces if she held on to it too tightly, so she decided to let it go.

Another way of looking at it (and this is the hopeless optimist in me speaking), is that she filled the balloon up with all the love she had to give, and sent it out into the world for everyone else to share. Hmm... perhaps.

You know, as I sit here typing this, the image above cuts out just above her head, and it looks as though she's just reaching out into the air. I don't see the balloon. It seems like she's just reaching out for... something.

It's interesting, really. If you check out the actually graffiti of this image, you'll see a line that reads, 'There is always hope'. And I suppose that's what it comes down to, huh? I've always said hope fuels humanity, and if this simple image doesn't demonstrate just that, then I don't know what does.

Banksy's work intrigues me, and I'm sure a lot of you feel the same way about it. I guess what's more fascinating is that no one really knows who he is. I adore that there's people like him in our world. They see things differently, and in some way, they also put life into perspective. They hold a mirror up to humanity and provide the reality checks we so often need.

Cheers, Banksy! You're a fascinating fellow.

Image courtesy of Google Images

Life is Wonderful

One of my favourite songs by Jason Mraz -- "Life is Wonderful"
(performed live in South Korea)

"And it takes no time to fall in love
But it takes you years to know what love is
It takes some fears to make you trust
It takes those tears to make it rust
It takes the dust to have it polished"

In quotes and images

Straight From The Curls is now on Tumblr.

Consider it an extension of this blog. The goal is to enhance the posts you find on here simply via images and quotes.

So whether you're bored, or need to be reminded that life has a brighter side, or you're looking for inspiration... whatever your reasons, be sure to check out Straight From The Curls' Tumblr feed.


xo
SC

Image courtesy of Google Images

On love...

I stumbled across this quote today, and found it rather inspiring. I'm not sure who wrote it though. If you have any idea, please let me know. 

"Because, that’s the thing about love, really. No one will love you how you want to be loved, they’ll love you in the only ways they know how. Life throws everyone down drastically different paths so how can we expect everyone to love in the same way? The person you’ll spend your lifetime with will love you in their way and you’ll love in yours, and maybe you’ll meet in the middle and it’ll last. None of us know what we’re doing, you see, we’re just fumbling for matches in the dark. If you’re lucky, you might eventually just strike the right one."

xo
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Trust me on the sunscreen...

Seems like we have a theme for the blog these days. So in the spirit of things, here's Baz Luhrman's Everybody's Free (To Wear Sunscreen).

Enjoy!



xo
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Giving Thanks in 2010

Happy Thanksgiving, everyone! I hope you're all set to have a special weekend with your nearest and dearest. May you always be wrapped in joy and surrounded with love!

I have a lot to be thankful for this year. After a whirlwind adventure, I'm blessed to be home, safe and sound, with those I care about most deeply. I thank my lucky stars every day for friends who keep me grounded, and for those who challenge me to colour outside the box! I'm giving thanks to those of you who remain faithful, even when I tend to run low on steam.

"Just keep swimming...."

All the best, my dear family, friends and readers! May the warmth of the season always find you all with smiles on your faces!

xo

SC

Image courtesy of Google Images

Dear Life

"Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things you didn't do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover."

- Mark Twain

Dear Life,

You've been keeping me on my toes for almost quarter of a century now. Literally, you had me convinced I could run before I could walk. What's with that? I guess it's what set the whole 'you're older than your time' issue in motion.

But, I'm grateful to you. You've never left me for lack of entertainment. Just when I find myself getting bored, you always manage to throw another adventure into my path. Even if I'm tired and want to sleep for days, you manage to keep my mind racing with thoughts and ideas at a mile a millisecond. Sometimes they lead to massive brain cramps, but mostly they inspire me.

You've taught me lessons after the fact. I've tripped, stumbled and bruised my way to this moment in time, but I've (mostly) learned from the falls. You've made me stronger with each obstacle and have ensured that I have the power to overcome even my deepest and darkest fears. Don't get me wrong, I'm still nursing some of these battle scars, but I know I'll get through... because of time.

Life, you've taught me that time is neither linear or infinite (I guess I'm stating the obvious here, huh?). I have a few windows to jump through and a handful of doors to open in my adventure on this planet. And the most recent lessons have taught me that I HAVE to take chances and fly through them. Doing so will ensure that I'll always know I tried and trudged forward with faith, regardless of the outcomes.

I've learned the importance of having hope. It's the fuel that humanity runs on. If there was no hope, we would have all given up on just about everything by now. Even doctors, engineers and scientists - people who mostly work with definite answers - will admit that they believe in possibilities. Thinking positively about the future means that hope is a key ingredient in their thought processes. And it should be... for all of us.

I've learned to be grateful for moments of love and blissful perfection - even if they're momentary. Experiences where you feel like you're floating on clouds of happiness and can touch the sky mean such moments do exist. And if you've experienced them, you should be grateful, because not everyone does. I guess I'm one of the lucky few... even if just by moments.

I've learned to appreciate your sense of humour, Life. Seriously, you're a regular clown when you want to be. I mean, just when you have me believing I'm on a steady and sturdy path, you decide you're bored and put a boulder in my way. And what do you do next? Well, you watch while I work my way around (and mostly through) that giant rock. But I'll give it to you, you somehow always provide me with solutions on how to get by. So thanks for that, I guess. I'm glad you're amused at my expense!

Lastly (for now), thanks for making me into the kind of person who feels truly, honestly and deeply. You've given me senses that are triggered by the heart over the mind. I sometimes wish it was the other way around because perhaps my journey would be easier that way. But as it stands, I'm happy with the way things are for now. Living like this lets me see and experience the goodness, beauty and love in this world with genuine light.

I love openly because that's the only way I know how. And thank you for bringing kindred spirits into my life who also see things the way I do. But mostly, thanks for the ones who think differently, because they've taught me a lot as well. They've definitely made the journey that much more interesting.

So, here's looking forward to what you've got planned for me next. Bring on the lessons and adventures, because really, who ever liked taking the straight path anyway?

Cheers!

xo
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Image courtesy of Google Images

L is for the way...

Jimi Hendrix once said, "When the power of love overcomes the love of power, the world will know peace."

Genius!

He, in a single sentence, managed to sum up my struggles with the state of the world we live in. Before moving to Korea, I would spend many moments reflecting on why people focused on the negatives in our society, rather than embracing the positives. I would stumble across pages and pages of past journal entries where my teenage self wondered why people found it so difficult to see the beauty in our world.

I realize now that it's so much easier to focus on the negative, because we're always surrounded by it. There's no doubt that the media broadcasts the horrible things happening in our world in much greater and frequent detail, than the moments that present hope.

Think about it -- how often have you turned on the TV or radio, only to listen to news about murders, disasters, robberies and death? How often have you stumbled upon or clicked on stories over the Internet that depict the shallowness and vanity of our society? There's so many websites and blogs that are simply dedicated to highlighting all that's wrong with our world.

It makes it pretty easy to focus on the negatives when those stories and moments become ingrained in our subconscious, huh?

The experience I described in my previous post got me thinking about hope. The naysayers and those counting down to doomsday have megaphones attached to their thoughts. And we (even if it's unintentionally), give them the attention they crave.

Feeling quite alone in my manner of thinking, I started searching the Internet, hoping someone out there shared my (and Jimi's) beliefs.

In my desperate attempt to find at least one proper blog dedicated to preserving hope for humanity, I came across this website. Love Gives Me Hope is a site dedicated to the invisible moments -- the moments you only think about once they've passed, before you realize how precious they were. These are the moments when you say to yourself, "All hope is not lost."

There's people out there who believe in the power of paying it forward. They don't broadcast their experiences and doings over megaphones and tweets. They simply love and treasure life. They are the optimists in our world who do simple gestures without expecting anything in return.

They show their love through acts of kindness to strangers; through love for the environment and our planet; through simple value for the gift of life.

Love can move mountains! I believe this from the bottom of my heart. Even when I find myself feeling defeated and jaded from life's battles, I'm always picked up when I experience or hear about acts of kindness and love... in any form.

We all encounter them more often than we think. Yet somehow, simply because of the way our world's programmed, we can't help but overshadow these precious moments with those of pain and negativity.

Yes, there's a lot of despair and suffering in the world. And yes, we might be spiraling towards a global disaster that might be beyond our control. However, if we spend less time thinking about all that's happening past our reach, and use more energy trying to make a beautiful difference within our radius, we might be pleasantly surprised by the outcome.

Just some thoughts for the evening. Thanks, Jimi! Thanks, dear readers!

xo
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Love always wins!

There's a lot of talk about love these days. I feel as though I've been having the same conversation over and over, with everyone from my middle school students to the friendly bar owner in one of Seoul's busiest neighbourhoods.

A couple of weeks ago, one of my fifteen-year-old students approached me and said her boyfriend broke up with her. She was extremely sad, which was such a shift from how I'd seen her just last month -- bright-eyed and beaming.

"I love him, teacher," she said.

She'd met him at an amusement park in Seoul, and their relationship lasted just over three months. Anyone can agree that three months in middle school land is a pretty long time. A couple of weeks went by, and I approached her again to see how she was feeling.

"Still... confused," she answered. "I just... love him."

"What do you mean," I asked. "How do you know about love?"

She looked at me and started smiling. I could see the pictures circling through her mind; memories of time spent together.

"I know love means happy," she started. After struggling with the thought for a little while, she went on. "Love... it means even when you are sad, you cannot feel sad."

I looked at her, with an utter loss for words. How would I - jaded and bah-humbugy - respond to that? I simply smiled, told her she'd be OK, and asked her to allow herself to feel any emotion that came her way.

"... even when you are sad, you cannot feel sad."

It made sense in a strange way, because love always wins. It's the strongest emotion out there.

I just posed this question on the SFTC Facebook fanpage (which, if you haven't already joined, you should!): "Which is a stronger emotion - Love or Anger?"

So far, commenters agree that anger and other emotions are fleeting, but love overpowers them all, and lasts the longest. I tend to think so too.

When it comes down to it, I feel that life is rooted in love. Whether or not people admit to it, a majority of our daily actions stem from love for something... or someone. And though our society is rapidly turning into a 'me' culture, deep down, everyone longs to be loved, and fears leaving this planet feeling unloved.

Am I right?

I got talking to a bar owner on Saturday night; a Korean woman in her mid-thirties who's witnessed the rapid generational and cultural shifts in the city. I was immediately intrigued by her, because, as a bar owner, I figured she must have met a lot of people from all walks of life, with strange and interesting stories in tow.

She laughed when I told her this, and said, matter-of-factly, that she was brimming with stories!

"This is a story of strange love," she said. "I don't understand, but I have this friend. Everyday she calls me and tells me she broke up with her boyfriend... and she cries. I tell her it will be OK, and she hangs up. She calls back the next day and tells me they are back together... and she laughs. I tell her I'm happy for her, and she hangs up."

"So... what's that got to do with love?" I asked.

"She's been doing this every day for the past two years."

I couldn't help but laugh. Talk about a bitter-sweet relationship!

But I guess her point was that love doesn't make sense... and why should it have to? It's an emotion that manifests itself into different forms to work in particular relationships. And as long as it works, why question it?

Because regardless of all the fighting, the emotional wars, the broken hearts and pain (sometimes self-inflicted), love - in one shape or another - always wins. And deep down, even the strongest cynics know that.

xo
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Take what you need

There's something to be said about living in a part of the world that's alien to what you know and find familiar. Getting adjusted to new customs, traditions, and a value system unlike yours, is something that can be rather challenging and rewarding all the same.  And all of this is heightened, when you're doing it alone.

I tend to find myself evaluating where I am in life, from time to time. It's a bad habit that I am trying desperately to break, but, every so often, it helps to take a look around and gain some perspective of where you are, what you're doing, and who you're with.

With the change of season (finally!) and the spare moments I've had as a result of being ill, I've had a lot of time to think. Those of you who know me are probably rolling your eyes, saying "Oh, not this again!" But please, hear me out. 

My goal for this year was to live from one moment to the next. And so far, with the exception of some self-imposed roadblocks, that's precisely what I've been doing. This attitude has come as a blessing and a curse... depending on the moments.

Looking at the world as segments rather than a continuation, has helped me relax a great deal. I've come to let go of things that weigh me down, and appreciate smaller things... like when the older Korean man walking lazily down the street, smiled at me, rather than scowled and stared. Or the time I found myself on a park bench in Seoul's financial hub, watching business men and women race against the clock on their lunch hour. Enjoying moments such as these has made me appreciate this journey I'm on, a great deal.

Then, sometimes I find myself in moments where I get caught up. Sometimes it's a smile... a stare... a shared laugh, a note, or a "promise". And I can't help but get caught up. Why do these moments have to be different from the easy ones, like the time in the park? I wonder why these moments become so difficult to separate and eventually let go of.

And I think it's because the heart's involved.
Oh heart... why must you get involved when you shouldn't?

I fear it's because the heart likes to feel needed and fed. There's something strange that happens in these said moments, where the flush of endorphins that sail through your body set off bells that you spend a lot of time keeping silent. Sometimes, I guess these bells just want to... ring! But, it's nice when they ring and are heard and acknowledged... it's a whole different game when they're begged to be silent again.

So, I guess the quest for this season is to work on the imposter. I'd hate for you to think I'm not romantic and that I believe love is dead. I don't. I believe love exists all around us, in so many different shapes and forms. I love love.

It's that obvious love... the one that holidays and greeting card companies design... the one people pretend they're not looking for, but are secretly hoping will find them soon... that's the love that scares me.

It's just easier to imagine these moments as unable to move past those few minutes or hours, for fear of disappointment. Sometimes, it's easier to set the heart free for a breather, and then call it back for lockup. Because love should not make you sad. So take the measures you need.

xo
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Image courtesy of Google Images

Don't just like

I found this while flipping through the December 2009 issue of Elle magazine. It's from an ad campaign done by Research in Motion for BlackBerry. This is what it said:

Don't just like.

LIKE is watered-down love.
Like is mediocre.
Like is the wishy-washy emotion of content.
Athletes don't do it for the like of a sport.
Artists don't suffer for like of art.
There is no I like NY t-shirt.
And Romeo didn't just like Juliet.

LOVE. Now that's powerful stuff.
Love changes things.
Upsets things.
Conquers things.
Love is at the root of everything good that
has ever happened and will ever happen.

LOVE WHAT YOU DO.

Wow! Simple, yet profound, no?
I thought so.

Now, go love something (or someone)!

xo
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Image courtesy of Google Images

C is for Couples... I mean, Christmas... I mean...

Merry Christmas! ...but only if you're a couple. Screw you, if you're solo (or single).


"... and here I thought being single in Toronto was bad," I said to S, as we walked through the sea of tinsel and bows that flooded the newly built shopping mall by her house. "But this is just taking it to a whole new level. We've been here since September and there's been not one but two, TWO holidays dedicated to couples!"

S stifled a laugh. She's become used to this, I think. I've started to just blurt things out as I see and observe. Nothing is filtered anymore. It can't be helped. This country is just... random.

"I mean, look at this! Who gives out cards with big, red hearts on them, for Christmas??" I asked, while picking up and analyzing an over-sized package that looked more fitting for a valentine's special.

"What happened to 'Christmas is for families'... what about baby Jesus?" I didn't understand why I was becoming so irritated. Then, words I didn't realize I'd said out loud, flew past my lips.

"Thank you baby Jesus for being born, so that I can ____ a ______!!"

As I said this, I felt a sharp pain on my shoulder. S was hitting me. Repeatedly.

"Why are you doing that?" I asked, even more annoyed now.

"It was either roll on the floor, laughing at what you just said, or hit you."

Fair enough, I suppose.

But truly, for the first time in years, I find myself willing the holiday season to be over and done with. The concept's all wrong here. Sure there's twinkly lights galore, and Christmas songs blasting from almost every corner in the city... but something's off.

In the weeks leading up to Christmas, I asked some of my coworkers what their plans were for the holidays. "Will you be making dinner?" I asked Mrs. P, over lunch in the cafeteria.

She nonchalantly bobbed her head and continued to munch on her kimchi... she was thinking.

"Christmas is a big deal for you," she said... it was more a statement than a question. "But in Korea, Christmas is for lovers."

What? I couldn't have heard that correctly.

"Don't you mean Valentine's day?" I asked, still not sure we were on the same page.

"That one also, plus Pepero day... White day too," she said.

So she was essentially telling me that even though this country had not one, but THREE days dedicated to couples and coupledome... they were now also designating Christmas as a "holiday for lovers."

... I had no words.

I was flabbergasted, as I dug into my rice and breaded fish.

"S, you're solo. Aren't you going to be lonely for Christmas?" said a new voice.

I looked up to see one of the other teachers had decided to join the conversation. Mrs. P had quickly managed to translate what we were talking about, and now it seemed as though everyone at the table was intrigued.

"Why would I be lonely?" I asked. "I mean, it's my first Christmas away from my family, but I'm not lonely. I have my friends who are like family to me over here."

I was fuming at this point. What was wrong with them? Had they not watched Christmas movies or specials on TV? My brain went through the mental archives to try and find one example of a movie that designated Christmas as a "lovers holiday". Not one. I mean, of course there's the sentimental ones that deal with love as part of the holidays... but definitely none that make it centre focus.

"But don't you want a namja-chingu?" asked Mrs. S. That was the Korean equivalent of 'boyfriend'.

What I wanted to say was, "No, I'm actually in the running to become the Slut from Seoul, you know?"

But what came out was, "Actually, yes... but definitely not from Korea. The men here are too... needy. I could never walk out in a matching couple's outfit and be serious. Sorry!"

This drew a mixed reaction from the table, which consisted of mostly older Korean teachers.

I had to have some sense of honesty here. Otherwise they would spend all day debating the fact that baby Jesus WAS in fact born so that I could ____ a _____!

Not in my mind.

Anyway, that being said, MERRY CHRISTMAS, dear readers! I love you all very much and hope you have a safe and fabulous week ahead. Sending warm wishes and beautiful thoughts to you and yours!

xo
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