Tuesday, 16 June 2009

Global Footprints

It's been strange spending the second half of my life on this side of the planet.

I've spent exactly half my life in the east, and the other half here... and I sometimes still feel disjointed. I figured I'd someday get to a point where both halves of my life would meet in this invisible middle. And that perhaps all the things that confused me as a teen trying to battle the values of the east while trying to fit in with the west would somehow start to make sense.

Hasn't quite happened yet.

Everyday I am faced with new challenges and thought processes that force me to choose sides. Do I maintain my eastern values and pay attention to what was embedded into me as a child? Or do I go with the western flow and put myself first?

Some things I want to do might be considered selfish by eastern standards. But if I stay true to western influence, I will be doing the right thing.

It's this constant yo-yo of choices I've wanted to make lately, that's been gnawing away at my soul. How do I find balance?

A lot of people I know were born here, with immigrant parents or immigrant grandparents. Aside from their households, they've pretty much had a western education in terms of external influences.

Others have come here as adults, completely keen on tossing aside their eastern chips, trading them instead, for a western thought process so forward, it goes beyond the norm even by North American standards.

So again, how do I find balance with a dozen in the east and a dozen in the west? And if and when I do, how can I know I'm not hurting those I care about... those who've helped me get to this point?

It's a lot to process and I'm trying to take it one moment at a time. But sometimes the gates to my thoughts swing wide open and I can't stop the the flood of emotions from just overwhelming me.


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