So finite

Yesterday it dawned on me. It happened mid-sentence and during a thought that had nothing to do with... anything. But for the first time it became quite clear that my time on this planet is limited.

I don't know why it took me so long to really absorb this truth. I mean, it's something I've always known (obviously), but it's a thought that has taken a backseat in my vehicle as I've maneuvered through life, when it really should have been sitting front row and centre.

Perhaps it's because we, as humans, are coded by society to live our lives a certain way. We try to measure our own happiness and success by those around us, and by what we're told is 'right.' You know? Go to school. Study. Get a job. Get married. Have children. Work. Work. Work. Because work = success. Save all your money. Retire. Then what?

I know far too many people who work so hard at jobs they don't like simply because it brings in money. However they then take that money and store it away at a bank or in investments, and never really see it. They say (the people I know) that it's to provide for their children (who don't exist as yet), and for future generations (who also do not exist as yet). And all the while these people complain about how much they hate their jobs, hate their lives and hate the people who bring them down. I hear this far too often.  Do they not realize that 'someday' should be today?

Not too long ago I too was in the same canoe. I was working at a job that made me quite unhappy. And I was working so hard that by the time I came home, I would pass out from mental exhaustion and sadness, with no time to enjoy my hard earned earnings. It was a vicious cycle.

Fortunately my tides have turned, and I now work at a place that feels like home. It's not easy by any means, but it's right for me. And I'm finally learning how to balance. However, part of this balance is the importance of knowing that my time on this planet is finite. That I shouldn't put off till tomorrow what can be done today, and that if it makes me happy, I need to jump in with my heart wide open. Because chances are I won't have tomorrow.

Take that trip. Quit that job. Study that program. Kiss that guy.

Live YOUR life YOUR way. 

Do what makes you happy. Be with who makes you happy. Even if it's just for the moment. Live for the moments that make you smile naturally. Be thankful, be grateful and pay whatever good comes your way forward, because everyone deserves goodness in their lives. 

As I tackle this next chapter in my life, I look forward to remembering that my time is finite. And that I don't have to follow anyone else's design for life but my very own.

I'm thankful for every chance I get to wake up, dust off, and embrace a new day with all the love in my heart. Because we're not promised tomorrow. We're only promised right now.

xo

P.s. Tell someone you love them. Today. 


Image courtesy of Pinterest.com

2012: Give It Your All

Happy New Year, everyone! Here's wishing you and yours all the very best that 2012 has to offer. May you always have reasons to smile, and may your lives be filled with all the goodness and love that this world has to offer!



I spent quite some time thinking about my first blog post for 2012. I wasn't sure about whether to do a wrap up of the year that was, or to write a post in anticipation of the year that will be. As you can see, I went with the latter choice.

One of my resolutions this year is to live life in forward motion. To let go of the past and to try to be absolutely present in the now. It might sound pretty obvious to you, because why would anyone live their life any other way, right? But you'll see from past posts that I spend far too much time reflecting on what was. I think about moments that shaped and brought me to where I am at a given time. And I believe it's good to do that once in a while, but for the most part, because the past cannot be changed, it's important to keep focusing on what's ahead. And to do it with hope and optimism.

With any luck, 2012 will be marked as a year where I make significant changes in my life. I'm looking forward to accomplishing more goals (personally and with my career). If 2011 taught me anything it's that I am the only person responsible for my happiness. Since moving back from Korea I've spent so much time worrying about my career, that I've lost track of other aspects of my life that are also important —my health, giving back to the community and personal growth. My goal is to get back on top of all those things this year.

Over this past holiday season one of my dear aunts reminded me that every day is an opportunity to do good and to be better. She is in her mid-70s and she wakes up every day with a purpose — to live her life to the fullest, knowing that when she goes to bed at night, she can say with confidence, "I gave it my all." And that's what I want to do, because that's all I can do. Give it my all.

So my wish for you, dear readers, is that you wake up every morning and do the things that make you happy. Find your bliss and revel in it. We don't need to be reminded that life is short. Money will come and money will go, no matter how much we try to control it. People will enter into our lives, and some will stay forever, while others will take off without notice. But we have to move forward. Life doesn't come with a 'pause' or 'reset' button, so we have to keep looking forward and give it our all.

Lots of love,

Images courtesy of Google Images

Quit the Quiet

I'm horrified at how long it's been since I posted a blog entry. Straight From The Curls used to be my safe place. I would find solace in my writing. I would come here to de-stress and share little pieces of my life with you. And for the past few months it's been impossible to spare a few moments to just breathe and let my thoughts process.

I don't like how things are at the moment, so rest assured that one of my resolutions for the coming year will be to find my way back to Straight From The Curls on a more frequent basis. 2011 will go down in history as one of the most tumultuous years of my life. There have been health scares, career ups and downs, utter confusion about life choices, and moments when I've truly felt alone in this big world. Perhaps it sounds a bit dramatic, but I can say with certainty that I am coming out of a messy mid-twenties crisis — partially of my own making, and partially the result of external factors.

On the plus side, this year also acknowledged a couple of positive firsts in terms of my career — editing my first nationally produced magazine and a monthly stint as a health columnist. Two things that I only dreamed about a couple of years back. It's been a tough year, but I got what I asked for, so I've been lucky.

I'm making a few changes in 2012. It's funny how people get so introspective at this time of the year, huh? For one thing, I've been reducing my lists on social media. I think it's great that 'Sally' from elementary school wants to become friends on Facebook, but if the only reason she's adding me is to troll around my profile and not say a word, then chances are, Sally, I'm going to delete you asap.

Isn't it funny? Did you ever think in, say... 2002, that this would even be a problem 10 years down the road? About someone from your past who you've made no efforts to stay in touch with, all of a sudden resurfacing, and with the click of a few buttons goes on to find out about what you've been up to since your grade eight graduation? Not cool.

Life certainly has changed a lot in the past decade. And it's weird, but I think more and more people are remaining static instead of changing along with the ebbs and flows of life. We're spending way too much time in front of a computer screen, watching other people live their lives, instead of actually making our own memories. Adding chapters to our own lives.

I know that for now, I won't be able to fully disconnect from social media. It's part of my job, and it's part of how I share my work. In fact, as soon as I publish this post, it will appear on my Twitter and Facebook feeds. But I'm hoping I can change the way I use social media. I'm hoping that it's something I can turn to when I need it, as opposed to logging on out of habit. Someone referred to it as social media snacking.

Definitely need to cut back on the social media snacks.

xo

Image courtesy of Pinterest.com

A World Without Jerks?

Generally speaking, we're a bunch of jerks. We really are. I don't know if it's because I've experienced a terrible couple of incidents over the last few hours, but right now, I've got a general distaste for humanity.

A few months back I noticed a new ad campaign become prevalent on TTC billboards in Toronto. The campaign, featuring simple graphics and text, is part of this movement encouraging people to do good. It's called the People For Good project.

When I first stumbled across it, I couldn't help but smile, because I thought, "Wow! Here's a group of people who truly want to do well by this world. What a refreshing use of ad space!"

As time went by I began to notice more of these posters, and not just on the TTC anymore. The campaign had spread to the street, stores, and to bus shelters across the city.

I never really thought Toronto was a bad city, you know? I never thought it was filled with people who turn to anger before kindness, and selfishness over simple human consideration. I mean, I understood the point of the campaign, but I didn't think we needed to be reminded of it everywhere we went... to choose good.

But after my experiences this evening hit a boiling point, I realized just how essential it was. The sad reality is that we NEED to be reminded to do good. To be good. To choose good.

Today was a good day. After a stream of not-so-good days, I welcomed the end of my working hours, and headed to to the subway for my daily ride home. I stopped off to pick up my October metro-pass at the TTC booth, and after paying with my debit card, I asked the collector for a receipt. This request was met with a series of angry remarks from him, along with demeaning comments at a very loud tone:

"You already have your debit receipt!"

"You already have a receipt in your hand, why do you need another one? Can't you see what's already in your hand?"

"What the hell is wrong with you? Are you stupid? Woman, just get out of here!" 

My request was simple: I asked him to provide me with an additional receipt to go along with my purchase, because another TTC employee had informed me in previous months, that this was needed for my own accounting purposes. But the employee from today's incident didn't want to hear it. Instead of explaining it to me simply, or asking me for my reason, he chose to yell and humiliate me in front of a growing line of customers.

If I didn't need an additional receipt, he simply had to tell me. If he didn't understand my request, he simply had to ask me. There was no need to yell.

Anyway, I walked away feeling about two feet tall, and completely embarrassed. All because I made a simple request. And for the record, I always pay with my debit card, and when I ask for a receipt, other TTC employees always provide a written one... that includes their signature and employee number.

*Deep Breath*

So suffice to say, my good day did a 180 and turned utterly horrible from this single incident. An incident that could have been avoided with simple customer service (that the TTC prides itself in delivering), active listening and understanding.

Then, while I was getting on the train, I saw a young man standing in the doorway while people were trying to get on. He was blocking the entrance, and making people walk around him, while he stood there with his backpack.

After a number of people squeezed through, one older man said, "Do you mind moving in a bit please? There's people trying to get on."

This simple comment made the young man so angry. The audacity that someone asked him to move in and show some consideration to the people trying to get on the train.

He smirked and responded  with, "Show some respect! Why do you care where I stand?"

Really? Show some respect? You're saying this to an older man who is asking you to show some consideration. The way I see it, you and your 15-year-old self have a lot to learn about respect. And of course he cares where you stand. We all do! Especially when where you choose to stand is making it difficult for other people to get into the train.

Most days, I just really don't understand people.

And then I got to thinking about this campaign. Wow! How desperately do we need it? How desperately do we need to be reminded that life doesn't have to move at a thousand miles a minute? That we don't need to be so quick to jump to judgment. That a wee bit of understanding can make such a huge difference in situations, and in life all together.

What's to gain out of being mean? All you're doing is hurting someone else. I understand that some situations warrant quick wit and rebuttal, because let's face it -- some people deserve what's coming to them. But in everyday behaviour? What do we have to gain by being rude? Unless you're some sort of sadist who thrives on the misfortune of others and from making people feel beneath you. If that's the case, I feel sorry for you. Life is about so much more than sitting on a high chair and looking down your nose at people.

There's something to be said about really connecting with people. About listening. About paying attention to things that don't necessarily involve you. About having points in your day, week, month, where you choose selflessness and kindness.

Doing good and seeing the reaction you get from your actions -- the smiles, the aura that changes from one of darkness and doom to hopefulness? There's nothing quite like it. It fills your soul and it becomes contagious.

So try it. Choose good. Do good. And watch how the wave spreads and takes over humanity. There really is no catch.

Call me a hopeless optimist, but I truly believe (down to my toes) that it's possibl/




xo
Simi
Images Courtesy of Google Images

Learning to balance

I can't believe I've only written one other blog post this month. I was doing so well! One of the hardest parts of adjusting to the new job has been balancing work and my life in general. I know it sounds cliché, but it's quite difficult to find a work/life balance when you start a new gig. And if you don't figure it out quickly, you'll find yourself in an unhealthy pattern of stress.

This isn't the first time I've had a full-time job, but it's the first time I've been delegated this much responsibility. I love it, but I need to learn to allow myself some down time as well. One of my favourite things to do in my down time is update this blog. Straight From The Curls is my baby, and I love coming here and sharing little anecdotes and stories from my life with you.

But because I spend my whole day on the computer dealing with another aspect of the WWW, I come home and crash. I have thoughts of coming here and talking to you all about what's running through my mind, but by the time I get home and unwind, all I want to do is hit the hay.

This has to change. And it will. I promise to sort myself out and figure out a balance somehow, so that I can do the things I love more often.

I've often wondered though, about people who do the 9-5, commute across the city, and still have the time and energy to come home and do so much more. By the time I come home, I barely have enough time to cook dinner before it's lights out.

I did some research this morning and discovered an article in the Vancouver Sun addressing this very issue. The work-life crunch: Who has time for fun? highlights how many people are struggling with the 'time economy'... especially as technology keeps us wired in for more and more hours each day.

I know in my case, I'm always online. I've been working with the Internet for quite a few years now, and I'm always tuned in to what's happening. I love the work I do.

But being so wired in all the time... it can get scary. I never get the sense that I'm 'unavailable'. I'm literally just a click away, whether by a phone call, text, e-mail, tweet or... poke.

Some of the statistics mentioned in the article state:

• The proportion of Canadians experiencing high levels of time crunch, according to the report, grew from 16 per cent in 1992 to 20 per cent in 2005. About 23 per cent of women felt time-pressured and 17 per cent of men.
  
  
• Adults providing care to seniors grew from 17 per cent in 1996 to 20 per cent in 2006. More women (23 per cent) took care of seniors compared to men (16 per cent).
  
  
• Time spent on social leisure activities dropped from 15 per cent in 1998 to 12 per cent in 2005.

I don't know if you'd agree with me, but I think these are some drastic increases in a short amount of time. So it begs the question: Am I really bad at balancing my work/life or am I just a victim of the times, and hence, a statistic?

I don't want to be a statistic, that's for sure. So my goal in the coming weeks is to find a solution that works for me. I'm not quite sure what that solution is at the moment, but I'm sure I'll figure it out. Plus it helps that the weather is getting nicer outside... it means I won't want to rush directly home after work. 

Anyway, if you have some tips to help me better manage my work/life situation, I'd love to hear them. What works for you, and how do you find time to do the things you love, outside of work?

xo

Image courtesy of Google Images

Wasted words

Sorry for the silence. I've been up to my eyeballs adjusting to the new job, which is going well so far (thankfully!). But something heavy has been weighing on my mind lately, and I figured it's time to let it out.

First off, let me start by saying this post isn't reflective of one person in particular, but rather of observations I've made over the past few months.

There are moments when I genuinely feel I should start charging people for the hours upon hours I spend listening to how stressful their lives are.

Now, here's the thing: I don't mind it. Truly, I don't mind lending an ear to people when they want to get something off their chest, or decompress their thoughts. Sometimes, when something has been floating around in your mind for so long, it loses value until you speak it out loud. Everyone deserves to be heard, and I've always been a better listener than a speaker. So generally, I don't mind it.

But what bothers me is this: People seem to walk around with this idea that they're the only ones (on a planet of close to 7 billion people) who are suffering from the problems they're encountering.

They're not complaining about unemployment, they're not complaining about sickness, they're not complaining about abuse, they're not complaining about malnutrition, they're not complaining about death.

They complain about things they shouldn't be complaining about. Silly, trivial stuff.

And then they ask for advice. Someone once told me never to give out advice for free, because chances are it will fall on deaf ears, and you'll find yourself repeating it a thousand times over. I didn't really believe them at the time...  but sure do now.

It seems to me that when people ask for advice, they only want to hear one thing -- confirmation that what they're doing, feeling, experiencing and considering is right. And if you tell them it's wrong, I think they block it out. They choose to intentionally not hear it. So you're left with wasted words... words that you'll find yourself repeating again the next time they come knocking for advice. And  the next time after that.

People, if you're able to kick back and read this blog, your life can't be that bad.

Sometimes I just want to scream when I hear the complaints. I often tell people to stop measuring their lives with someone else's yardstick. We need to stop looking at what we don't have in comparison to others, and start being grateful for what we do have. Not everyone in the world is so fortunate.

Have you read the newspapers lately? Have you watched the news? You should.

We are all dealt a different deck of cards. No one knows if someone else's life is better. What you see on the outside might very well be a show.

I'll admit, I'm guilty of complaining too. I mean, it's human nature to wonder if your life is as good as it should be. I often wonder if my life will change. If perhaps just one of the dreams I had as a child will come true. Who doesn't?

But it's the people who do it day after day.... come on! Take a step outside of yourself, and have a look around. You'll see that things aren't half as bad as you imagine them to be.

Look, all I ask is that you sit back and look at the positives in your life. You'll realize how blessed you are in comparison to a lot of people on this planet. You may not have what your neighbour has, and you may certainly not have what your best friend has.

But you do have. And you should be grateful for that.

We can only control so much in our lives. A lot of what happens to us is a result of external factors. When things get bad, you just have to keep looking forward, and remain hopeful. We're human... and are hopeful by nature.

So try to wade your way through the bad muck, and hold on to the good. It's all anyone can do.

And when all else fails, remember these wise words...

'Everything's gonna be alright.' - Bob Marley
(Sage advice from one of the most hopeful men in history.)

xo

Image courtesy of Google Images