Music, moments and memories

One of the last distinct conversations I remember having with my father happened a year ago today. There were more, of course, but this one stands out in particular because of the date. It was about the death of Whitney Houston. She, for as long as I can remember, was always one of his favourite singers. "She has such a powerful voice, no?" he would often say to me.

He would then go on to compare her to the latest singers -- most of whose names he could barely remember. He would make up their names, coming as close as possible, but never quite get them. I guess it showed he didn't care much for the Britneys and the Chris Browns of modern music. He often vented about how the latest music was "rubbish". "Whitney -- wow!" he would say.

So when he found out one of our timeless favourites had passed away last February, all he could say in reaction was "So sad..." over and over again, with a contemplative look on his face. He knew her life story and said all of that didn't matter because she was an amazing singer with a beautiful gift. It was fun watching him talk about the things he felt passionately about.

The more I think about it, the more I realize he must have known he didn't have long either. Just over four months later, he passed away.

Image courtesy of Google Images

That's the thing, though. My father always had a special connection to his love for music. He preferred his trusty little transistor radio (tuned in to one of two stations -- CBC Radio 2 or the best of the oldies), to any television show. Well, except for Turner Classic Movies.

But the one thing that defined my father... The one way everyone knew he was home from work was because of the music -- soft acoustic jazz, classic crooners, the oldies and so much more. He loved it all.

And that's how we knew something was amiss towards the end. He was home, but the sweet sounds that floated lightly through the silence had stopped. The music had stopped, and that's how we knew.

Today, his little transistor radio sits on my kitchen counter, tuned to the same station that played his favourites for him in the evenings -- CBC Radio 2. Sometimes, when I miss him the most, I turn it on and it feels like he's in the room with me.

That's the funny thing about music -- it's the easiest way to connect with a memory. Music evokes emotions, and it's a wonderful thing. Whether a vacation, a moment of nostalgia or a person, music is universal and it acts as the invisible thread that ties our past, present and future together into a lovely package.

So whatever happens, whatever you do, don't let the music in your life stop playing.

xo

Simi

A World Without Jerks?

Generally speaking, we're a bunch of jerks. We really are. I don't know if it's because I've experienced a terrible couple of incidents over the last few hours, but right now, I've got a general distaste for humanity.

A few months back I noticed a new ad campaign become prevalent on TTC billboards in Toronto. The campaign, featuring simple graphics and text, is part of this movement encouraging people to do good. It's called the People For Good project.

When I first stumbled across it, I couldn't help but smile, because I thought, "Wow! Here's a group of people who truly want to do well by this world. What a refreshing use of ad space!"

As time went by I began to notice more of these posters, and not just on the TTC anymore. The campaign had spread to the street, stores, and to bus shelters across the city.

I never really thought Toronto was a bad city, you know? I never thought it was filled with people who turn to anger before kindness, and selfishness over simple human consideration. I mean, I understood the point of the campaign, but I didn't think we needed to be reminded of it everywhere we went... to choose good.

But after my experiences this evening hit a boiling point, I realized just how essential it was. The sad reality is that we NEED to be reminded to do good. To be good. To choose good.

Today was a good day. After a stream of not-so-good days, I welcomed the end of my working hours, and headed to to the subway for my daily ride home. I stopped off to pick up my October metro-pass at the TTC booth, and after paying with my debit card, I asked the collector for a receipt. This request was met with a series of angry remarks from him, along with demeaning comments at a very loud tone:

"You already have your debit receipt!"

"You already have a receipt in your hand, why do you need another one? Can't you see what's already in your hand?"

"What the hell is wrong with you? Are you stupid? Woman, just get out of here!" 

My request was simple: I asked him to provide me with an additional receipt to go along with my purchase, because another TTC employee had informed me in previous months, that this was needed for my own accounting purposes. But the employee from today's incident didn't want to hear it. Instead of explaining it to me simply, or asking me for my reason, he chose to yell and humiliate me in front of a growing line of customers.

If I didn't need an additional receipt, he simply had to tell me. If he didn't understand my request, he simply had to ask me. There was no need to yell.

Anyway, I walked away feeling about two feet tall, and completely embarrassed. All because I made a simple request. And for the record, I always pay with my debit card, and when I ask for a receipt, other TTC employees always provide a written one... that includes their signature and employee number.

*Deep Breath*

So suffice to say, my good day did a 180 and turned utterly horrible from this single incident. An incident that could have been avoided with simple customer service (that the TTC prides itself in delivering), active listening and understanding.

Then, while I was getting on the train, I saw a young man standing in the doorway while people were trying to get on. He was blocking the entrance, and making people walk around him, while he stood there with his backpack.

After a number of people squeezed through, one older man said, "Do you mind moving in a bit please? There's people trying to get on."

This simple comment made the young man so angry. The audacity that someone asked him to move in and show some consideration to the people trying to get on the train.

He smirked and responded  with, "Show some respect! Why do you care where I stand?"

Really? Show some respect? You're saying this to an older man who is asking you to show some consideration. The way I see it, you and your 15-year-old self have a lot to learn about respect. And of course he cares where you stand. We all do! Especially when where you choose to stand is making it difficult for other people to get into the train.

Most days, I just really don't understand people.

And then I got to thinking about this campaign. Wow! How desperately do we need it? How desperately do we need to be reminded that life doesn't have to move at a thousand miles a minute? That we don't need to be so quick to jump to judgment. That a wee bit of understanding can make such a huge difference in situations, and in life all together.

What's to gain out of being mean? All you're doing is hurting someone else. I understand that some situations warrant quick wit and rebuttal, because let's face it -- some people deserve what's coming to them. But in everyday behaviour? What do we have to gain by being rude? Unless you're some sort of sadist who thrives on the misfortune of others and from making people feel beneath you. If that's the case, I feel sorry for you. Life is about so much more than sitting on a high chair and looking down your nose at people.

There's something to be said about really connecting with people. About listening. About paying attention to things that don't necessarily involve you. About having points in your day, week, month, where you choose selflessness and kindness.

Doing good and seeing the reaction you get from your actions -- the smiles, the aura that changes from one of darkness and doom to hopefulness? There's nothing quite like it. It fills your soul and it becomes contagious.

So try it. Choose good. Do good. And watch how the wave spreads and takes over humanity. There really is no catch.

Call me a hopeless optimist, but I truly believe (down to my toes) that it's possibl/




xo
Simi
Images Courtesy of Google Images

Wasted words

Sorry for the silence. I've been up to my eyeballs adjusting to the new job, which is going well so far (thankfully!). But something heavy has been weighing on my mind lately, and I figured it's time to let it out.

First off, let me start by saying this post isn't reflective of one person in particular, but rather of observations I've made over the past few months.

There are moments when I genuinely feel I should start charging people for the hours upon hours I spend listening to how stressful their lives are.

Now, here's the thing: I don't mind it. Truly, I don't mind lending an ear to people when they want to get something off their chest, or decompress their thoughts. Sometimes, when something has been floating around in your mind for so long, it loses value until you speak it out loud. Everyone deserves to be heard, and I've always been a better listener than a speaker. So generally, I don't mind it.

But what bothers me is this: People seem to walk around with this idea that they're the only ones (on a planet of close to 7 billion people) who are suffering from the problems they're encountering.

They're not complaining about unemployment, they're not complaining about sickness, they're not complaining about abuse, they're not complaining about malnutrition, they're not complaining about death.

They complain about things they shouldn't be complaining about. Silly, trivial stuff.

And then they ask for advice. Someone once told me never to give out advice for free, because chances are it will fall on deaf ears, and you'll find yourself repeating it a thousand times over. I didn't really believe them at the time...  but sure do now.

It seems to me that when people ask for advice, they only want to hear one thing -- confirmation that what they're doing, feeling, experiencing and considering is right. And if you tell them it's wrong, I think they block it out. They choose to intentionally not hear it. So you're left with wasted words... words that you'll find yourself repeating again the next time they come knocking for advice. And  the next time after that.

People, if you're able to kick back and read this blog, your life can't be that bad.

Sometimes I just want to scream when I hear the complaints. I often tell people to stop measuring their lives with someone else's yardstick. We need to stop looking at what we don't have in comparison to others, and start being grateful for what we do have. Not everyone in the world is so fortunate.

Have you read the newspapers lately? Have you watched the news? You should.

We are all dealt a different deck of cards. No one knows if someone else's life is better. What you see on the outside might very well be a show.

I'll admit, I'm guilty of complaining too. I mean, it's human nature to wonder if your life is as good as it should be. I often wonder if my life will change. If perhaps just one of the dreams I had as a child will come true. Who doesn't?

But it's the people who do it day after day.... come on! Take a step outside of yourself, and have a look around. You'll see that things aren't half as bad as you imagine them to be.

Look, all I ask is that you sit back and look at the positives in your life. You'll realize how blessed you are in comparison to a lot of people on this planet. You may not have what your neighbour has, and you may certainly not have what your best friend has.

But you do have. And you should be grateful for that.

We can only control so much in our lives. A lot of what happens to us is a result of external factors. When things get bad, you just have to keep looking forward, and remain hopeful. We're human... and are hopeful by nature.

So try to wade your way through the bad muck, and hold on to the good. It's all anyone can do.

And when all else fails, remember these wise words...

'Everything's gonna be alright.' - Bob Marley
(Sage advice from one of the most hopeful men in history.)

xo

Image courtesy of Google Images

Resilience

I spent some much needed quality time with a couple of my girlfriends this past Saturday. Is there anything better for the soul than easy laughter over brunch with forever friends?

We don't see each other a lot these days, so when we do get together, it's always well appreciated. The conversations focused around the usual topics -- what we'd been up to since we last got together, men, our families, men, women, our upcoming plans, men... and reminders.

F decided to get tattooed on Saturday. She had been mulling over the idea and placement of it for a long time, but after finally having made up her mind on the 'where' and 'what' she decided the 'when' had to be on Saturday. So after a day of shopping and gossiping, we found ourselves on Yonge Street, in the friendliest Tattoo parlour I'd ever been in.

F told me a while back that she wanted the word "Resilience" tattooed in script on her body.

"Why not 'Resilient'?" I asked. "Wouldn't that be better?"

"Well, I'm not resilient. It's something I have to remind myself to try and be everyday," she said.

And after having listened to some stories from F's life, I couldn't think of a more perfect word for her to meditate on.

Resilience.

Ten letters joined together to connote so many different visuals and ideas.

Life expects us to be resilient, but no living thing can fully say they are, can they? Resilience is something we have to strive for. Plants and animals have to strive for resilience against the elements. And if they survive, they become resilient -- but just through that particular storm. If another one comes along, they have to strive for resilience again... and again... and again.

It's the same way with humans too -- we have to strive for resilience through the elements and physical forces. But there's also resilience from emotional and mental pitfalls. Battles that were fought long ago can leave unseen scars which, for some people, need to be dealt with everyday. These scars can affect our everyday life, our choices, our paths. But striving for resilience helps us get through, whether it's one day at a time, or one hour at a time.

If we simply turn on the news these days, we're reminded of what a mess our world is in. The recession is destroying families and businesses, earthquakes and tsunamis are causing havoc, and man-made wars are hurting civilians in so many countries.

And in between all the headlines we read "...but the people of Japan are resilient. They will get through this." Or "Libya is one of the most resilient nations in the world." Or even "This recession has made people resilient..."

The thing is... they're not. They're striving for resilience. They're fighting battles they didn't ask to be in. They've been dealt these cards and now they're trying to cope. They're trying to be resilient.

Resilience isn't something that comes with the click of a button... it's something we have to hope for. It's something we have to strive for.

Resilience is fueled by the hope that we can get through. That someday, everything will be OK.

xo

Image courtesy of Google Images

Banksy and the Balloon Girl

Those of you familiar with Banksy's graffiti art will recognize this picture with ease. Balloon Girl has been one of my favourite pieces for quite some time now, and I was recently reminded of it when a friend posted it as her Facebook profile photo.

I love the simplicity and innocence of it. Every time I look at the picture, I consider two questions: is she embracing love? Or is love leaving her?

In one way she looks like she's reaching out and trying to grab the love balloon. Or at least willing it towards her. I imagine she's reaching out for love. If only it were that easy, huh? Wishing for love is clearly a different thing than actually having it.

It could also be that she has intentionally let go of the love balloon. Perhaps holding onto it became too painful. Maybe she feared that it would pop and fade to a million pieces if she held on to it too tightly, so she decided to let it go.

Another way of looking at it (and this is the hopeless optimist in me speaking), is that she filled the balloon up with all the love she had to give, and sent it out into the world for everyone else to share. Hmm... perhaps.

You know, as I sit here typing this, the image above cuts out just above her head, and it looks as though she's just reaching out into the air. I don't see the balloon. It seems like she's just reaching out for... something.

It's interesting, really. If you check out the actually graffiti of this image, you'll see a line that reads, 'There is always hope'. And I suppose that's what it comes down to, huh? I've always said hope fuels humanity, and if this simple image doesn't demonstrate just that, then I don't know what does.

Banksy's work intrigues me, and I'm sure a lot of you feel the same way about it. I guess what's more fascinating is that no one really knows who he is. I adore that there's people like him in our world. They see things differently, and in some way, they also put life into perspective. They hold a mirror up to humanity and provide the reality checks we so often need.

Cheers, Banksy! You're a fascinating fellow.

Image courtesy of Google Images

Just Keep Swimmin'

I have to remind myself sometimes.

"When life gets you down, just keep swimmin'..."

It's all we can do, right?

Sleep and Shock

It's been a while since I've written a post like this, so please bear with me.

I can't quite recall the exact moment I became a night owl. I used to stay up a lot when I was in university, but that usually stemmed from studying or staying out with friends. It was never because I couldn't control it.

Then there were a few spells while I was in Korea. Weeks when external silence was deafening, and I had to turn up the music on my computer to full volume just so I could drown out the noise in my mind. But those moments came and went in spells... depending on what occupied my thoughts.

But since moving back to Toronto, I haven't been able to fall asleep before midnight. In fact, I find I'm staying up well into the early hours of the morning, not because I'm not tired (quite frankly, I'm exhausted), but because the noise is back.

I lay awake in bed and my mind just keeps going and going, and the thoughts just keep swirling into this vortex that causes my heartbeat to pick up speed instead of relax.

All sorts of thoughts -- about life in general, my family, friends... about the decisions I've made in my own life that have led me to this point. And I truly wish I could sit here and say I regret the recent choices I've made -- but I don't.

So why aren't I at ease?

Let me be honest here and say that I did imagine my life would be quite different at 25. In fact, I pictured myself in a very different place than I'm in right now. But I also know that life tends to take whatever plans you have and throws them off a cliff. What we're left to deal with instead, are curve-balls and twisted paths, and if we're lucky, we survive the journey until we reach a certain level of happiness.

But I also knew a long time ago that moving back to Toronto wouldn't be easy. I just never imagined that five months into it, I'd still be trying to sort things out. And this recession... gosh, am I ever tired of hearing that word. And I'm even more tired of it being the excuse of all that's messed up these days.

I've been brought up to have faith, and to never lose hope. I've often said that hope fuels humanity, and that without it, we can never move forward. And I have hope. In fact, these days, it feels like it's all I have. But really, is it enough?

I'm not a kook. I know I have to do my part to change my own life. I'm the captain of my own destiny and all that fun stuff. But sometimes... sometimes some things are just out of our hands. And I've learned that particular lesson especially over these past few months.

I've been on this mission since the start of the New Year to remain optimistic in all aspects of my life. But seven days into it and I'm exhausted. I can count 10 not-so-nice things that have happened since January 1st, and not one positive thing. (Pretty bad and unusual for a hopeless optimist, huh?)

But all I can do is keep on keeping on... and sit with hope and faith that perhaps these days will soon be a distant memory.

This post must come as a shock to a lot of you, dear readers. As I read it over, it's shocking me too. But this is also reality. And sometimes in reality, optimism is hard to come by.

xo

Calendar Days

August 2010 was one of the roughest months I've experienced in a very long time. Aside from packing up in Seoul, moving back to Toronto and getting sicker than I've been in a very long time, the days simply felt like an unending whirlwind.

So you can imagine that when September rolled around, I was pretty happy. There's something quite lovely about the start of a new day... week... month... year. It almost feels like a clean slate. If you've had an awful day, you can hope fall asleep, wake up in the morning, and try again for a good one. Or if the week has been brutal, you can anticipate the following Monday, knowing you might have a chance to edit the wrongs from the week before.

Depending on the industry, the ending/beginning of months can be quite stressful for some people at work. I personally look forward to the start of a new month. Entering into a new month reminds me that time moves forward, leaving the past far behind. The literal act of turning a calendar page thrills me to no extent.

September is one of my favourite months because in my mind, it marks the start of my favourite season -- autumn! I fell in love with autumn in Toronto during my first year in Canada, and I've never wavered since. There's something about the smell in the air, the temperature, the colours of the earth and the comfortable clothing that speaks volumes to me. I call it "sweater weather," because everyone always looks cozy.

This month might go one of two ways, leaving me bored out of my mind or busy as a bee. I'm hoping it's the latter. Every September in my life has been spent at school or at work. It's the first time I've found myself in this particular situation, so it will be interesting to see how the journey plays out.

I suppose in the meanwhile, I should continue working on this ridiculous jet-lag, huh?

P.s. Notice anything new about the banner? :)

xo
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Your roots will follow

It's always nice to remember where you came from, even if you're not sure where you're going.


My lovely aunt sent me the sweetest e-mail greeting today. I mentioned her in a post I wrote after visiting India in 2008. She's in her mid-70's and still managed to find the perfect e-greeting for this random Saturday message. Her tech-savvy-ness is beyond impressive!

There was no purpose or special occasion for the greeting. She just wanted to say that she was thinking of me, and that she was proud of me. I was pretty taken aback, as I wasn't expecting to hear from her until my birthday. Her words were like sweet poetry -- something that I've always known comes very naturally to her. My aunt knows just what to say and when. I love listening to her and reading her letters.

In a few short sentences she reminded me of all that I've overcome in life, and of all that she hopes for my future. As I lay on my bed while the rain hit the pavement outside, I couldn't help but feel absolutely guilty. I think about her often and I miss her a lot. I'm not sure why I haven't stayed in touch. It's not like I don't have the time. I guess I just wasn't thinking. As soon as I'm done this post I will be writing to her. But before that, I should mention one thing that came up in the message.

"When will the experiences of your Goa trip materialize?" she asked.

I wasn't sure what she meant when I read the question at first. But after spending the afternoon thinking about it, I remembered something. During my short visit with her, she was keen on me writing a series of articles about a pressing issue in Goa at the moment -- a beautiful post-colonial state that's being exploited by tourists with a lot of money, and a government that's more keen on pleasing them, rather than preserving the rich culture and heritage that makes Goa so unique from the rest of India.

I never did end up writing those articles. But now I feel the need to do.... something.

I've been keeping updated on the changes, however I'm no longer a citizen of India. I haven't been for a very long time. Still, as you know, fragments of my heart are floating along the Arabian coast and memories of Goa cease to disappear with time. Though I'm not physically present, my roots extend from that small, coastal state. I'll always be tied to it, regardless of where I end up on this planet. I mean, here I am, in Seoul, Korea, thinking of a country I lived in as child. I only spent three weeks in the state as an adult, but I remember the distinct changes in the landscape, the priorities and most of all, in the environment.

My aunt is an active member in the community. Despite age and dwindling health, she still finds the strength to wake up each morning and trudge to the capital city and work for the causes she believes in. A critical one that she's involved in is empowering women in local villages to educate themselves and stand up for their rights. This is a big deal, as a lot of women in rural parts of the state still live with the old mindset that they simply go from being daughters and sisters to wives and mothers. And, should the unfortunate occur and their husbands pass away, they confine themselves to their houses and wait their turn to dive into the great abyss.

She really does amaze me. I'm grateful to her as she's the link to my roots. My aunt reminds me of where I came from -- of my ancestors and history. She sees purpose in my existence and believes that I can enforce change. I'm flattered, but I hope an idea or opportunity surfaces soon.

Looks like it's time to put on my thinking hat.

As Winnie the Pooh says, "Think, think, think..."

Love you, aunty M!

xo
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Image courtesy of Google Images

Dear Life

"Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things you didn't do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover."

- Mark Twain

Dear Life,

You've been keeping me on my toes for almost quarter of a century now. Literally, you had me convinced I could run before I could walk. What's with that? I guess it's what set the whole 'you're older than your time' issue in motion.

But, I'm grateful to you. You've never left me for lack of entertainment. Just when I find myself getting bored, you always manage to throw another adventure into my path. Even if I'm tired and want to sleep for days, you manage to keep my mind racing with thoughts and ideas at a mile a millisecond. Sometimes they lead to massive brain cramps, but mostly they inspire me.

You've taught me lessons after the fact. I've tripped, stumbled and bruised my way to this moment in time, but I've (mostly) learned from the falls. You've made me stronger with each obstacle and have ensured that I have the power to overcome even my deepest and darkest fears. Don't get me wrong, I'm still nursing some of these battle scars, but I know I'll get through... because of time.

Life, you've taught me that time is neither linear or infinite (I guess I'm stating the obvious here, huh?). I have a few windows to jump through and a handful of doors to open in my adventure on this planet. And the most recent lessons have taught me that I HAVE to take chances and fly through them. Doing so will ensure that I'll always know I tried and trudged forward with faith, regardless of the outcomes.

I've learned the importance of having hope. It's the fuel that humanity runs on. If there was no hope, we would have all given up on just about everything by now. Even doctors, engineers and scientists - people who mostly work with definite answers - will admit that they believe in possibilities. Thinking positively about the future means that hope is a key ingredient in their thought processes. And it should be... for all of us.

I've learned to be grateful for moments of love and blissful perfection - even if they're momentary. Experiences where you feel like you're floating on clouds of happiness and can touch the sky mean such moments do exist. And if you've experienced them, you should be grateful, because not everyone does. I guess I'm one of the lucky few... even if just by moments.

I've learned to appreciate your sense of humour, Life. Seriously, you're a regular clown when you want to be. I mean, just when you have me believing I'm on a steady and sturdy path, you decide you're bored and put a boulder in my way. And what do you do next? Well, you watch while I work my way around (and mostly through) that giant rock. But I'll give it to you, you somehow always provide me with solutions on how to get by. So thanks for that, I guess. I'm glad you're amused at my expense!

Lastly (for now), thanks for making me into the kind of person who feels truly, honestly and deeply. You've given me senses that are triggered by the heart over the mind. I sometimes wish it was the other way around because perhaps my journey would be easier that way. But as it stands, I'm happy with the way things are for now. Living like this lets me see and experience the goodness, beauty and love in this world with genuine light.

I love openly because that's the only way I know how. And thank you for bringing kindred spirits into my life who also see things the way I do. But mostly, thanks for the ones who think differently, because they've taught me a lot as well. They've definitely made the journey that much more interesting.

So, here's looking forward to what you've got planned for me next. Bring on the lessons and adventures, because really, who ever liked taking the straight path anyway?

Cheers!

xo
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Image courtesy of Google Images

L is for the way...

Jimi Hendrix once said, "When the power of love overcomes the love of power, the world will know peace."

Genius!

He, in a single sentence, managed to sum up my struggles with the state of the world we live in. Before moving to Korea, I would spend many moments reflecting on why people focused on the negatives in our society, rather than embracing the positives. I would stumble across pages and pages of past journal entries where my teenage self wondered why people found it so difficult to see the beauty in our world.

I realize now that it's so much easier to focus on the negative, because we're always surrounded by it. There's no doubt that the media broadcasts the horrible things happening in our world in much greater and frequent detail, than the moments that present hope.

Think about it -- how often have you turned on the TV or radio, only to listen to news about murders, disasters, robberies and death? How often have you stumbled upon or clicked on stories over the Internet that depict the shallowness and vanity of our society? There's so many websites and blogs that are simply dedicated to highlighting all that's wrong with our world.

It makes it pretty easy to focus on the negatives when those stories and moments become ingrained in our subconscious, huh?

The experience I described in my previous post got me thinking about hope. The naysayers and those counting down to doomsday have megaphones attached to their thoughts. And we (even if it's unintentionally), give them the attention they crave.

Feeling quite alone in my manner of thinking, I started searching the Internet, hoping someone out there shared my (and Jimi's) beliefs.

In my desperate attempt to find at least one proper blog dedicated to preserving hope for humanity, I came across this website. Love Gives Me Hope is a site dedicated to the invisible moments -- the moments you only think about once they've passed, before you realize how precious they were. These are the moments when you say to yourself, "All hope is not lost."

There's people out there who believe in the power of paying it forward. They don't broadcast their experiences and doings over megaphones and tweets. They simply love and treasure life. They are the optimists in our world who do simple gestures without expecting anything in return.

They show their love through acts of kindness to strangers; through love for the environment and our planet; through simple value for the gift of life.

Love can move mountains! I believe this from the bottom of my heart. Even when I find myself feeling defeated and jaded from life's battles, I'm always picked up when I experience or hear about acts of kindness and love... in any form.

We all encounter them more often than we think. Yet somehow, simply because of the way our world's programmed, we can't help but overshadow these precious moments with those of pain and negativity.

Yes, there's a lot of despair and suffering in the world. And yes, we might be spiraling towards a global disaster that might be beyond our control. However, if we spend less time thinking about all that's happening past our reach, and use more energy trying to make a beautiful difference within our radius, we might be pleasantly surprised by the outcome.

Just some thoughts for the evening. Thanks, Jimi! Thanks, dear readers!

xo
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You can take the future

I have a dream, a song to sing
To help me cope, with anything

I was serenaded by a stranger, this morning.
It's funny how life holds you together when you think you might fall apart at the seams.

I was running late for work this morning, having slept very badly the night before. Well, more like I came home from work, passed out, woke up at an odd hour in the night, stayed up for another three hours (thinking and thinking and thinking...), then fell asleep again at 3 a.m. I had to be up at 6:30 this morning. Let's just say I was out the door with 10 minutes left to spare.

Anyway, I was desperate, so I hailed a cab to drive the five minutes it took to get to work.

"Anyonghasayeo, ahjoshshi!" I said with a flustered smile. "Uhh.... Hongpa chodeunghaggyo, jusayeo."

He smiled and nodded his head and drove off. While in the cab, I started fishing through my bag to make sure I had everything I needed for the day. Laptop? Check. I had to finish the worksheets for camp. Cellphone? Check. Wallet? Check. Papers...

"Eodie nara?" he asked, while looking at me in the rear-view mirror. He was asking which country I was from. I learned to answer this question within my first week in Korea. And interestingly enough, it mostly came from cab drivers.

"Canada," I said.

"Ahh... Vancouver Olympics!"

"Yes." I felt as though I'd had this conversation a thousand times, so I was about to put myself on auto-pilot.

But instead of saying anything else, he nodded his head and looked at the road again. I found myself drifting off into my thoughts, when I heard him quietly humming to himself.

"... pushing through the darkness... hmmm hmmm hmmm... I believe in angels..."

"Abba?" I asked, with a knowing grin.

"Yes! I have a dream. You know?" His kind eyes smiled at me and he continued, a little louder. "... something good in everything I see. I believe in angels, when I know the time is right for me.."

Then, I found myself singing the next words with him, "I'll cross the stream - I have a dream."

We reached our destination, and as I proceeded to pay and get out of the cab, I couldn't help but feel lighter and happier. I was so grateful to start my morning off this way. I mean, here I was, in Korea, singing an Abba song with a cab driver in his 50's, and we were actually smiling at each other. I couldn't make these moments up!

"Have a good day, lady!" he said, as he drove off, singing to himself.

I found myself standing on the sidewalk yelling back at him to have a good day as well.

And as I walked the short distance to work, I found myself humming those lovely words that picked me up this morning, "...I believe in angels, something good in everything I see..."

So thank you, ahjoshshi. From the bottom of my soul!

xo
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Hope and forward movement

"I'm moving into 2010, leaving what happened and who happened behind in 2009," I said.

"Don't you think that's kind of extreme?" she asked, with a shocked expression on her face.

"Kind of... but it's a new decade, so why not, right?" I said, thoughtfully. "I brought a lot of baggage with me into 2009, and I'm tired of lugging it around. So whoever wants to come along, can meet me in 2010. I don't mind! I'm just not carrying anything around with me anymore."

We did something on new year's eve this time. After the clock struck midnight and we shared our kisses, we headed out into the streets, lighters in hand, and burned two pieces of paper each. On one paper, we wrote something we were saying goodbye to, and on the other, something we were looking forward to. I'd never done anything like this before, so the thought of visually seeing something disappear and welcomed into the new year thrilled me to no extent.

It was a lot easier to write out those two statements than I thought it would be. Just before December took its final bow, I had pretty much made up my mind about what I wanted out of my life... and what I wanted in it.

There were no resolutions made this year. Just statements... filled with hope.

Hope.

I've come to realize that it's not luck or love or money that makes life move forward. Sure, all those things can make life better and more comfortable... but the foundation and reasons why we move forward... those things are based in hope.

I've broken almost every resolution I've ever made, looking back as far as I can. Sometimes, it's within a month... and sometimes it's just before I make the next resolution. So this year, I decided it was time to take a different approach.

I like the me I've met in Seoul. I want to take her back home with me. Back to the constant life I lead, among the constants in my day to day. In the four months I've been here, I've learned very different lessons than I have in my entire life - both, while in India and Canada.

I've needed to learn these lessons, and I can only imagine what the next few months have in store.

But even through the hard times and lulls, the one blessing I always have with me is my hopefulness.

Without it, I would be... lost.

So the general idea through this journey is to not let my hopefulness overtake my present. Hope means looking forward with optimism that everything will turn out alright. Now, whether that 'alright' is the kind of 'alright' I want, or the kind that the universe wants... well, that's yet to be determined.

But all I can do in 2010 is continue, in hope, that what will be... will be.

xo
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Image courtesy of Google Images

Bidding 'adieu' to the Ox

I think I've come up with a list of rules for 2010 and beyond.

A friend and I were trying to figure out what the new decade will be called. We had the Eighties, the Nineties, and most recently, the '00s (or, as the friend called it, 'the Noughties'...). So we wondered about the upcoming decade... 'the Tennies'? Anyone?

Anyway, first on the list is...

LESS use of the word "maybe". Seriously, I am sick of this word, and people who use it on a regular basis. I think the "maybe" option on invites (or, if we're getting with the times, evites) should be eliminated. The "maybe" option on the brink of an important question should also be axed. Remember the days when, if you wrote out a question, the only options were "check YES or NO"? People should be forced to choose one side of the coin or the other. I think the only time a "maybe" should be allowed (around me, anyway) is if it's included with a cheeky grin or a wink... yea, you know what I'm talking about!

Next, I am planning on physically de-cluttering my life. In a wholesome sense. A lot of people may wonder why I'm announcing this on here, but I feel that if I don't acknowledge it in a visual sense, I'll never do it.

MORE endorphins. Seek them, embrace them, allow them, and use them. Endorphins are a wonderful thing.

If and when the universe throws me a sign, I have to do my best to follow it... even if the little devil on my shoulder is telling me otherwise. If by chance I don't... I should try to at least give it some thought before saying "hmmm... I think I'll take the other route!" Less impulsive behaviour is important here.

MORE impulsive behaviour... generally speaking.

Find MORE reasons to write and LESS reasons to think myself in circles.

GO. WITH. THE. FLOW... and let life happen. Acknowledge the bumps and treasure the movement.

Finally (but certainly not last or least on the list), learn to embrace and live in the moment. Things in life do happen for a reason. And if, at the time, the moment doesn't make sense, all I have to do is get through it, because in getting through, I will have learned a lesson. And that's something to be thankful for.

I think that's enough ranting for 2009, don't you agree? It's time to chill the bubbly in anticipation of a fabulous year ahead of us!

HAPPY NEW YEAR, 2010, dearest readers!

I wish you abundant peace and beautiful moments in life, filled with everything your hearts long for. It's been a joy writing for you this year. I promise to keep up in 2010, if you promise to keep visiting.

To readers in the east, enjoy the lunar eclipse on new year's eve. And to my readers out west, have fun under the blue moon!

Cheers!

I found this photo on Google Images by searching "What a wonderful world!"
Appropriate, I think!

xo
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Image courtesy of Google Images

For love of a great escape

"But words are things, and a small drop of ink, falling like dew, upon a thought, produces that which makes thousands, perhaps millions, think."

- Lord Byron

That Lord Byron was on to something. I'm a bit embarrassed to say that I don't know him as well as I'd like to. The only reason I'm speaking about him now, is because a friend quoted him earlier this week, and I was fascinated. I've spent the better part of my free time since, reading up on his work, and recognizing fragments of what I've heard quoted by others. In university, I did everything in my power to avoid entire courses dedicated to single poets and authors... I think I regret that now, because the more I read up on Lord Byron, the more I enjoy him.

My mum was the first person to introduce me to William Wordsworth, as a child. She taught me "Daffodils," a beautiful poem by him, that I memorized and recited whenever given the chance.

There's something to be said about the classics. Words, novels, poems, quotes... all written before radio, before TV, before... Facebook. These people only had the world around them (the real world), conversations and true social experiences to draw inspiration from. Absolute brilliance.

Which is why, when I need to escape from my everyday reality, I can't help but turn to a book. Sometimes a movie works as well, but it's easier to get distracted from a movie than it is from a good book.

Take for instance, last night: I was unable to turn my mind off, with a thousand and one thoughts swirling through my brain at a mile a second. I tried watching TV, to no avail... something about the seizure inducing commercials made me quit. Then, I tried watching a movie... but only owning movies that I've watched too many times to count, I found myself distracted once again.

As a last resort, I turned to Miss Austen's Pride and Prejudice. Over my life, I've read this book perhaps four times. Yet two and a half hours later, I was passed out in my bed, with the most content smile I've had in a few days. I don't even know where the time went, but it was so easy to lay there, flipping through page after page of an absolute masterpiece. These authors knew the importance of imagery... of descriptive words... of bringing emotions, personalities and moods on to paper. They knew how to create the perfect escape, free of reality's abundant distractions.

So this winter, I'm looking forward to curling up in bed with the classics. I'm looking forward to having my brain think of words that are longer than two syllables. But more than anything, I'm looking forward to my literary escape.

xo
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Image courtesy of Dreamstime Stock

Gift wrap 2009

As 2009 begins to take its final bow, I can't help but sit and wonder of all that's transpired in my life since January. To say this year has been a roller-coaster ride would be an understatement. Looking back to the earlier months, I never would have imagined I'd find myself spending Christmas in Seoul, Korea... writing this entry in a staffroom filled with teachers who continue to glance (very obviously) over my shoulder as I type. Hi, Mr. S!

I've endured a lot this year, but I've learned more. The lessons have come as a result of peculiar situations and odd circumstances, but, having made it through, I feel as though I can now sit back and reflect.

I remember stressing out in January about starting my internship with the CBC. I didn't think it would actually happen, but working with the News at Six team was an experience I'm glad I had. There's nothing quite like working in a breaking newsroom, where the gun is held to your head everyday, to have your stories in... yesterday. I had a chance to move fast and learned more than I ever imagined I would. I met some wonderful people who I know I'll be in touch with for a long time to come.

The following months were spent at the magazine -- definitely not what I expected it to be. I was blessed with editors who looked after me and were truly concerned about my well-being in the industry. I was fortunate to be offered some wonderful advice from professionals who I consider not only mentors, but friends. Though it was difficult at times, I don't regret it for a moment, because I know I grew through that experience. Working at the magazine also allowed me to focus on my style of writing more, and I now know the direction I'd like to head in... you'll hear more about this in 2010, I assure you. Sit tight.

The last quarter of 2009 brought me to Seoul, Korea. Who would have thought? They say everything in life happens for a reason, and, without a doubt, I can say that I was meant to be here, at this time. Despite the difficulties, there's something serendipitous about the whole experience. I haven't quite figured it out yet, but I'm sure it will come to me one day.

There's something to be said about fate, isn't there? It's been so surreal meeting people from all across the globe, and forming friendships that feel as though they're antiques -- precious and old. I've met many wonderful people from all corners of the planet, each with their own wonderful and unique gifts that have come as blessings into my life. It's hard to imagine that I've only known some of them for a few months... and it's even harder to fathom that one day, not too long from now, I'll have to say goodbye to them as we each scuttle off to our own neck of the woods. But rest assured, these will be life-long friends.

One of the main things this journey has taught me so far, is that we live on a very small planet. Truly... mobility is so easy these days, with all the options available. And what's even more amazing is the fact that technology has brought us closer than ever. Actually, this is also quite scary. I suppose it depends on how you look at it.

All I'm saying is that I'm grateful to Skype, Facebook, Hotmail, Gmail, snail mail, cellphones and text messages for allowing me to stay in touch with those I love and care about. This journey might have been quite different otherwise, I think.

Along the way, I think this has been one of the biggest years in terms of personal growth, trials and achievements. I'm fortunate to have a dear family who have been nothing but a constant support to me, and friends who have stood by and been the best cheerleaders and entertainers a girl could ever ask for.

So this quick note is for you, dear readers and people in my life...

I'm thankful to

those of you who make me think
those of you who tell me to stop thinking
those of you who insist I think a little harder
those of you who put dirty thoughts into my mind
those of you who make me laugh till I cry
those of you who insist I try everything at least once
those of you who make me take risks
those of you who see what's past the surface
those of you who've broken down the wall
those of you who let me vent
those of you who share your stories with me
those of you who I've shared unbelievable coffee dates with
those of you who I've shared eye-opening conversations with
those of you who've made me feel like a million bucks
those of you who let me be me

... but mostly, I'm thankful to those of you who are active participants in my life right now. I'm looking forward to spending and sharing an amazing 2010 with you.


xo
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Image courtesy of Dreamstime Stock

A Breeze that Calmed me in the Night

I think I had a dream about you last night. At least I think it was you.
One conversation that I don't quite remember.

All I know is that I woke up this morning calmer than I had been in days.
I think you told me everything would be OK.

But you weren't here and I'm not quite sure where I was.
All I can picture is you looking into my eyes and telling me to hang in there.

So I am and I will.

Because this dream also happened some months ago. And once more, before that.
And I woke up feeling the same way.

I like this heady rush of knowing you're with me without physically being here.

I'll always be thankful for that.

xo
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The Story

I recently watched My Blueberry Nights with Norah Jones and Jude Law again. I ♥ that movie! There's one song in there that I really enjoy. A part of the lyrics read:

I don't know how to begin,
Cause the story has been told before.
I will sing along, I suppose.
I guess that's just how it goes,
The stories have all been told before.

More on this soon.

xo
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P.S: Does anyone even read this blog anymore?

Count the Ways

By Wednesday morning I can say this has shaped out to be a long week, and we're not even quite over the hump yet.

But I take faith.

The other day someone was asked how his day was going. He responded with, "Good. At least I'm not at the bottom of the Atlantic."

Yes. As morbid and awful as that sounds, it's true, isn't it?

There were 32 countries represented on that fateful Air France flight #447 from Rio to Paris. For a list of nationalities click here.

Think about that.
32 countries.
228 people, ranging from infants to retirees.

One blogger I came across a couple of days ago called it a "whole world in a plane, now sharing a watery grave."

-- -- -- --

I know a lot of you I've spoken to over the past few days are going through some stormy times. But please take a few moments out of your day to count your many blessings. 

You don't need to be reminded that life is short - you see indications of it everyday. You don't need to be reminded that you've got one shot at this game - you don't need to come out as a winner, but you do need to be an active participant.

Try not to revel in the sadness that might consume you from trivial issues, but find beauty in the fact that you're a living, breathing, essential part of this world; and that you've woken up to a whole new day where you've been blessed with another shot at happiness.

Count the Ways.

xo
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The pre-dawn post

I've been spending a lot of time in my mind for the past few weeks. Thoughts that cannot be articulated. Words that can't seem to make their way from my heart to my mind and then out my mouth. I haven't been able to say the right thing for months. Me - at a loss for words. I guess the therapist has left the body?

This time it's different from the other times. This time, I see a definite need for change. I see my desire for peace and happiness stemming from one place and one person - me. It's been a hard thought process, which is probably why I haven't been able to articulate it. Maybe because this time, I know what I'm supposed to do.

I have the human right to be happy. I have the human right to live my life for me. I have the human right to break the cycle.

We live in the free world, and yet, here we are - prisoners - of our thoughts, our actions, our hopes and our sadness. How do we get away from the very things that pin us in place?

How do we break away unscarred? How do we pick up and start anew? If not anew, at least the way we want to.

I read somewhere that we can't change the past, but we can always have new beginnings. So, why is it so difficult to have a new beginning when there's so many (or a few particular) people's thoughts and emotions at stake?

I've always understood that we can only be responsible for ourselves - our decisions, thoughts, emotions, actions... our everything. In an ideal world, anyway.

Then why is it so hard to disconnect, when disconnecting would help on this journey of self discovery? Why is it so hard to be allowed an opportunity to figure out who we are, before our time is up?

I'm full of questions tonight. I can't answer these questions, and yet, they keep circling through my mind - as if on a spin-cycle of some sorts....

I'm not looking for the answers tonight. I'm just hoping for a chance.

xo
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