2012: Give It Your All

Happy New Year, everyone! Here's wishing you and yours all the very best that 2012 has to offer. May you always have reasons to smile, and may your lives be filled with all the goodness and love that this world has to offer!



I spent quite some time thinking about my first blog post for 2012. I wasn't sure about whether to do a wrap up of the year that was, or to write a post in anticipation of the year that will be. As you can see, I went with the latter choice.

One of my resolutions this year is to live life in forward motion. To let go of the past and to try to be absolutely present in the now. It might sound pretty obvious to you, because why would anyone live their life any other way, right? But you'll see from past posts that I spend far too much time reflecting on what was. I think about moments that shaped and brought me to where I am at a given time. And I believe it's good to do that once in a while, but for the most part, because the past cannot be changed, it's important to keep focusing on what's ahead. And to do it with hope and optimism.

With any luck, 2012 will be marked as a year where I make significant changes in my life. I'm looking forward to accomplishing more goals (personally and with my career). If 2011 taught me anything it's that I am the only person responsible for my happiness. Since moving back from Korea I've spent so much time worrying about my career, that I've lost track of other aspects of my life that are also important —my health, giving back to the community and personal growth. My goal is to get back on top of all those things this year.

Over this past holiday season one of my dear aunts reminded me that every day is an opportunity to do good and to be better. She is in her mid-70s and she wakes up every day with a purpose — to live her life to the fullest, knowing that when she goes to bed at night, she can say with confidence, "I gave it my all." And that's what I want to do, because that's all I can do. Give it my all.

So my wish for you, dear readers, is that you wake up every morning and do the things that make you happy. Find your bliss and revel in it. We don't need to be reminded that life is short. Money will come and money will go, no matter how much we try to control it. People will enter into our lives, and some will stay forever, while others will take off without notice. But we have to move forward. Life doesn't come with a 'pause' or 'reset' button, so we have to keep looking forward and give it our all.

Lots of love,

Images courtesy of Google Images

A World Without Jerks?

Generally speaking, we're a bunch of jerks. We really are. I don't know if it's because I've experienced a terrible couple of incidents over the last few hours, but right now, I've got a general distaste for humanity.

A few months back I noticed a new ad campaign become prevalent on TTC billboards in Toronto. The campaign, featuring simple graphics and text, is part of this movement encouraging people to do good. It's called the People For Good project.

When I first stumbled across it, I couldn't help but smile, because I thought, "Wow! Here's a group of people who truly want to do well by this world. What a refreshing use of ad space!"

As time went by I began to notice more of these posters, and not just on the TTC anymore. The campaign had spread to the street, stores, and to bus shelters across the city.

I never really thought Toronto was a bad city, you know? I never thought it was filled with people who turn to anger before kindness, and selfishness over simple human consideration. I mean, I understood the point of the campaign, but I didn't think we needed to be reminded of it everywhere we went... to choose good.

But after my experiences this evening hit a boiling point, I realized just how essential it was. The sad reality is that we NEED to be reminded to do good. To be good. To choose good.

Today was a good day. After a stream of not-so-good days, I welcomed the end of my working hours, and headed to to the subway for my daily ride home. I stopped off to pick up my October metro-pass at the TTC booth, and after paying with my debit card, I asked the collector for a receipt. This request was met with a series of angry remarks from him, along with demeaning comments at a very loud tone:

"You already have your debit receipt!"

"You already have a receipt in your hand, why do you need another one? Can't you see what's already in your hand?"

"What the hell is wrong with you? Are you stupid? Woman, just get out of here!" 

My request was simple: I asked him to provide me with an additional receipt to go along with my purchase, because another TTC employee had informed me in previous months, that this was needed for my own accounting purposes. But the employee from today's incident didn't want to hear it. Instead of explaining it to me simply, or asking me for my reason, he chose to yell and humiliate me in front of a growing line of customers.

If I didn't need an additional receipt, he simply had to tell me. If he didn't understand my request, he simply had to ask me. There was no need to yell.

Anyway, I walked away feeling about two feet tall, and completely embarrassed. All because I made a simple request. And for the record, I always pay with my debit card, and when I ask for a receipt, other TTC employees always provide a written one... that includes their signature and employee number.

*Deep Breath*

So suffice to say, my good day did a 180 and turned utterly horrible from this single incident. An incident that could have been avoided with simple customer service (that the TTC prides itself in delivering), active listening and understanding.

Then, while I was getting on the train, I saw a young man standing in the doorway while people were trying to get on. He was blocking the entrance, and making people walk around him, while he stood there with his backpack.

After a number of people squeezed through, one older man said, "Do you mind moving in a bit please? There's people trying to get on."

This simple comment made the young man so angry. The audacity that someone asked him to move in and show some consideration to the people trying to get on the train.

He smirked and responded  with, "Show some respect! Why do you care where I stand?"

Really? Show some respect? You're saying this to an older man who is asking you to show some consideration. The way I see it, you and your 15-year-old self have a lot to learn about respect. And of course he cares where you stand. We all do! Especially when where you choose to stand is making it difficult for other people to get into the train.

Most days, I just really don't understand people.

And then I got to thinking about this campaign. Wow! How desperately do we need it? How desperately do we need to be reminded that life doesn't have to move at a thousand miles a minute? That we don't need to be so quick to jump to judgment. That a wee bit of understanding can make such a huge difference in situations, and in life all together.

What's to gain out of being mean? All you're doing is hurting someone else. I understand that some situations warrant quick wit and rebuttal, because let's face it -- some people deserve what's coming to them. But in everyday behaviour? What do we have to gain by being rude? Unless you're some sort of sadist who thrives on the misfortune of others and from making people feel beneath you. If that's the case, I feel sorry for you. Life is about so much more than sitting on a high chair and looking down your nose at people.

There's something to be said about really connecting with people. About listening. About paying attention to things that don't necessarily involve you. About having points in your day, week, month, where you choose selflessness and kindness.

Doing good and seeing the reaction you get from your actions -- the smiles, the aura that changes from one of darkness and doom to hopefulness? There's nothing quite like it. It fills your soul and it becomes contagious.

So try it. Choose good. Do good. And watch how the wave spreads and takes over humanity. There really is no catch.

Call me a hopeless optimist, but I truly believe (down to my toes) that it's possibl/




xo
Simi
Images Courtesy of Google Images

9/11 - You May Say I'm a Dreamer

"You may say I'm a dreamer.
But I'm not the only one.
I hope some day you'll join us.
And the world will live as one."
- John Lennon

A lot of people have spent today reflecting on their whereabouts exactly 10 years ago. Almost everyone can perhaps remember where they were, and what they were doing when they found out the twin towers in New York City had come down, as the result of a terrorist attack.

Me? I was one week into my grade 11 year in high school. I can't quite remember which class I was in while it was happening, but I do remember where I was when I found out. Our second period English teacher had been called away with the rest of the staff for an 'emergency meeting.' When she came back into the classroom, she looked pale and obviously shaken up. She, then, choosing the best words she could muster given the situation, proceeded to tell us that there was an 'attack' in New York City, and that we wouldn't be on a regular schedule for the rest of the day. Little did I realize that the schedule I'd known up until that point, would never be the same again. Not for me. Not for the rest of the world.

2001 was a pivotal year in my life. I turned 16 that summer, to a lot of chaos, both personally, and externally. I never realized that the events of that year would have ramifications so far into the future.

I'm not going to go into details about my thoughts on the fact that this tragedy has resulted in more wars and hate crimes in our world. But suffice to say, I don't think we've learned anything since the tragedy that was 9/11. That, in and of itself, is it's own kind of tragedy.

I do believe, however,  that a new generation with a new understanding has emerged -- one that strives for peace, and is fueled by hope. It's inspiring.

But there are still a lot of people in power -- the decision makers and influencers -- who are choosing not to promote change for the better. They're encouraging hate in political platforms, and are drawing lines among citizens who should be working together for the common good. They're promoting fear, when they should be encouraging hope and love.

Call me dramatic, but this is just how I see it right now. I sometimes catch the broadcasts on conservative news networks, and get goosebumps. I can't believe people are allowed to stand on their soapboxes and say the things they do. It's all so heartbreaking.

Here's my hope.

I'm hoping that 10 years from now, we'll be able to look back as a world that's managed to piece itself together. That we're encouraging peace and taking the time to break down walls. That we're teaching our children to think and act with love in their hearts, rather than hate. And that our priorities remain more focused on engaging in discourse where we're actually listening to each other, instead of focusing on getting the last word.

It might be a tall order, but a girl can imagine, right?

I'd like to end this post with one of my favourite singers, Neil Young, performing a tribute cover of John Lennon's iconic song, Imagine.




Here's wishing you, dear readers, lots of love and peace, from my heart to yours.

xo
Simi

Learning to balance

I can't believe I've only written one other blog post this month. I was doing so well! One of the hardest parts of adjusting to the new job has been balancing work and my life in general. I know it sounds cliché, but it's quite difficult to find a work/life balance when you start a new gig. And if you don't figure it out quickly, you'll find yourself in an unhealthy pattern of stress.

This isn't the first time I've had a full-time job, but it's the first time I've been delegated this much responsibility. I love it, but I need to learn to allow myself some down time as well. One of my favourite things to do in my down time is update this blog. Straight From The Curls is my baby, and I love coming here and sharing little anecdotes and stories from my life with you.

But because I spend my whole day on the computer dealing with another aspect of the WWW, I come home and crash. I have thoughts of coming here and talking to you all about what's running through my mind, but by the time I get home and unwind, all I want to do is hit the hay.

This has to change. And it will. I promise to sort myself out and figure out a balance somehow, so that I can do the things I love more often.

I've often wondered though, about people who do the 9-5, commute across the city, and still have the time and energy to come home and do so much more. By the time I come home, I barely have enough time to cook dinner before it's lights out.

I did some research this morning and discovered an article in the Vancouver Sun addressing this very issue. The work-life crunch: Who has time for fun? highlights how many people are struggling with the 'time economy'... especially as technology keeps us wired in for more and more hours each day.

I know in my case, I'm always online. I've been working with the Internet for quite a few years now, and I'm always tuned in to what's happening. I love the work I do.

But being so wired in all the time... it can get scary. I never get the sense that I'm 'unavailable'. I'm literally just a click away, whether by a phone call, text, e-mail, tweet or... poke.

Some of the statistics mentioned in the article state:

• The proportion of Canadians experiencing high levels of time crunch, according to the report, grew from 16 per cent in 1992 to 20 per cent in 2005. About 23 per cent of women felt time-pressured and 17 per cent of men.
  
  
• Adults providing care to seniors grew from 17 per cent in 1996 to 20 per cent in 2006. More women (23 per cent) took care of seniors compared to men (16 per cent).
  
  
• Time spent on social leisure activities dropped from 15 per cent in 1998 to 12 per cent in 2005.

I don't know if you'd agree with me, but I think these are some drastic increases in a short amount of time. So it begs the question: Am I really bad at balancing my work/life or am I just a victim of the times, and hence, a statistic?

I don't want to be a statistic, that's for sure. So my goal in the coming weeks is to find a solution that works for me. I'm not quite sure what that solution is at the moment, but I'm sure I'll figure it out. Plus it helps that the weather is getting nicer outside... it means I won't want to rush directly home after work. 

Anyway, if you have some tips to help me better manage my work/life situation, I'd love to hear them. What works for you, and how do you find time to do the things you love, outside of work?

xo

Image courtesy of Google Images

A toad by any other name

I've been meaning to share this story with you all for quite some time now, but my biggest fan and number one critic (Mama C) didn't know about it, and I was afraid to tell her. But thanks to my lovely sibling, she's been enlightened, and now I'm free to share it with all of you.

So, here we go!

The back story.

A few weeks after moving back to Toronto from Seoul, I decided I needed to get out of my slump and meet new people. You might have read about my feelings upon moving back (if not, check out A year in a dream), but suffice to say, I felt left behind while all my friends had moved on in their respective lives, careers, romances, etc. So I thought the most logical thing to do at that time was to try online dating. It seemed easy enough -- you log in, create a profile, upload a photo, and consider your options.

A few friends were lucky enough to meet their significant others online, so I thought this was a good sign. Mind you, the sites they joined ranged from the popular ones you could join for free (my first big mistake in this endeavour), to the more complicated ones that involved filling out a questionnaire about 10 pages long.

So one Wednesday afternoon, after waking up confused about the date and time again, (an awful reaction to jet-lag), I joined the online dating world. I won't plug the website here, but I'll say this -- for a site that says they have a lot of fish, it sure doesn't have a variety. I think this is one of those cases where quality over quantity DOES matter.

I dove straight in.

I filled out the basic profile information -- age, sex, location, physical attributes, what I was looking for, interests. They seemed like basic enough questions that would matter when searching for a suitable partner online. Then came the other questions that set off a red flag in my mind, but which I filled out anyway -- race, body type, religion, political views...

Those of you who know me will agree that I'm more of a mind over matter kind of person. Sure, I like a great smile and broad shoulders just a much as the next person, but given the choice, I'll take a witty conversation, a sense of humour and intellectual stimulation over dead air, fancy dinners and kisses any day. (Yep, you read that right).

The usual suspects.

Within minutes of uploading my profile, I was inundated with messages. OK, that sounds a little pompous, but bear with me. I realized very quickly that women on online dating sites bear the brunt when it comes to filthy, bizarre and borderline creepy messages. They ranged from one liners about my race, to questions about my personal habits. Mind you, this was without an introduction. An even more creepy aspect was the age range of the guys sending these messages -- anywhere between 19 to 65. Just about any guy with a pulse and a libido, eh?

Within a few days I learned to filter the messages. I set up a criteria for myself and ruled out any messages that were one liners composed in broken English, (I will not date someone who doesn't know the difference between your and you're, to and two. We learn the difference between these words in grade 3, and the invention of spell-check does not give you an excuse to slack off on that matter. Phew! Sorry. Obviously a touchy subject.), or contained any reference to my race or religion from the get go.

I've never considered race or religion to be factors in my dating pursuits, and I know that I'd expect the same from anyone I was with. I hoped that with the turn of the century and with globalization these wouldn't be factors for anyone. I would never want to be with someone who only wanted to date me because I was X race or X religion. That would be a recipe for disaster from the gamut.

Along came J*

A few weeks and many disappointments later, I found myself weaning off the idea of online dating. I started to realize I preferred meeting people in real life. I mean, not that this wasn't real life, but this idea of quantity over quality was killing me. And I was becoming more jaded with each new message received with the title, "Yo baby! Ssup?!" I decided to give myself a chance for a couple more weeks, before deleting my profile from this pool of fish all together.

One night I received the following message in my inbox.

Subject: Dear Pretty Lady
Message: I am a PhD graduate from ******, where I specialized in ****** research. I am also an Indian Catholic just like you, and you know how rare we are in Canada. I am kinda bored this evening. Would you like to chat? :)
- J

I didn't reply back to him because I was turned off by the idea that he found my profile by typing 'Indian' and 'Catholic' into his search box. If these were important factors to him, then I knew we wouldn't get along. I figured not responding to him would mean I wasn't interested. This had worked in the past with messages from other guys, and I also figured it was the universal way of telling people you weren't interested in them (at least in this strange world of online dating).

Five minutes later, I received the following message.

Message: How come all the Pretty Indian Catholic girls are in Toronto, and I am stuck here in Vancouver? It's not fair. :)

Again, he emphasized the whole Indian Catholic thing. Now I knew for sure we wouldn't gel. But at this point I was also quite irritated and felt inclined to respond back with something snarky and mean. Instead, all I could come up with was this:

Message: I'm sure there's tons in Vancouver. Maybe you're not looking in the right places.

I guess he took this as a good sign (and now, I see how he could have), because I found an instant message pop up from him (the site had instant messaging?!). We talked for maybe five minutes. He asked me a bunch of questions about myself, and I tried to remain as short and civil to him as possible. I excused myself and told him I had to go offline, and said goodbye. It ended with him asking me to send him my contact information.... which, of course, I didn't.

The following morning, I received this message.

Subject: Dear Pretty S
Message: I enjoyed chatting with you this evening, and I am happy that you are a Goan. If you are interested, you can read about some of my best scientific research available from the ****** website. Anyway, I was planning to go to Hawaii in November, but it is hard to find a nice Indian Catholic girl to accompany me. So I was thinking if you would like to take a couple weeks off in November, perhaps you could visit me in Vancouver for a few days and then we could go from here. If you book your flight to and from Vancouver, I will pay for our trip to Hawaii. We would have a great time. When you are in Vancouver, I could teach you how to ski, and then when we get to Hawaii, I could teach you how to surf. :) I haven't really dated that much, but I am looking for a long term relationship with a lady that I could potentially marry someday. Please let me know if you are interested?
Best Regards,
- J (He also included his e-mail address and phone number in the message.)

This wasn't really happening, was it? ANOTHER emphasis on the whole Indian Catholic thing? Should I have told him that I barely made it to Sunday mass every week? Should I have indicated in my profile somewhere that being Indian doesn't define who I am and what I do on a daily basis? And to top that off... a free trip to Hawaii, ONLY IF I came on my own to visit him in Vancouver first? After a five minute chat?! This couldn't be real.

So I made a mental note to remove my race and religion from future online dating profiles (yet to happen). And even if he found me based on those factors, I would assume one look at what I wrote on my profile would drive him away, screaming, in the opposite direction -- we seemed like complete opposites as far as our priorities in life were concerned. So I ignored this message as well, figuring that not responding to a trip to Hawaii would drive home the point that I wasn't interested.

Then, a few days later, I received this message.

Subject: S, I like your eyes...
Message: ...because they are almost as narrow as mine. It was once said that evil spirits enter into wider eyes. So at least we don't have to worry about that. :)
- J

At this point, I was starting to get amused. I shared these messages with a friend of mine, who said, "You know, in all the time I've known you, I've never looked into your eyes and thought, 'Gee, S has really narrow eyes!'"

My own mum went into shock when she read this message recently. "For a scientist he sure does believe in old-wives tales a lot, huh?" she said.

As you can imagine, I still didn't respond back. But I also didn't think he was worthy of being blocked. After all, it wasn't too bad yet... right?

A few days later...

Subject: S, your eyes remind me...
Message: ...of the beauty of a tranquil Vancouver sunset gently glistening over the peaceful pacific blue.
- J :)

OK, this was nice. But if this hadn't been preceded by the string of bizarre and kind of creepy messages, I would have been flattered. I know by this point you're thinking, "Why haven't you responded to him yet?!" Or, "You're leading him on..." (How so?)

Here's the thing... I can't bring myself to tell someone, flat out, that I'm not interested in them. And I know a lot of you share my fear. I've had people do it to me in the past, and I know you, dear reader, have either had it happen to you, or have done it to someone else. I don't condone this, but I do think it's a better tactic than leading someone on with false hope. (Don't you think that's far worse?)

Wouldn't you figure that if someone hasn't responded to your handful of messages by now, that they weren't interested? Wouldn't you think that someone with a PhD would put the pieces together somehow?

No.

A few days later...

Subject: Dear Pretty S,
Message: I think you should get to know me. I don't drink alcohol or coffee because I don't take drugs and caffeine is a drug. If I get bored or depressed, I just run for miles and miles on the downtown Vancouver seawall. I am a (Ivy League)-educated scientist with a background in ******, ******, ******, and ******. To be honest, I am actually looking for a long term relationship with a lady I can marry someday. Although I am 35, I have better strength and stamina than most 25 year olds, and I have a healthy 102-year old Grandfather, so I am really only one third through my life.

If we are compatible, I am sure I can provide you with a wonderful and happy life in Vancouver, and it is only a five hour plane ride away from your family in Toronto which you can visit anytime. I believe that we could bring much happiness to each other's lives and to the lives of our families. Perhaps we could chat on skype video sometime?

Best Regards,
- J

Where do I begin...?!
1. I love how he assumed that if we got together I'd drop everything and move to Vancouver to live with him. Talk about an antiquated manner of thinking.
2. He's assuming he's a third though his life -- he could get hit by a bus tomorrow and be 100 per cent through his life (morbid, I know, but it's the truth).
3. If he thinks coffee is a drug, then that fact alone would set us miles apart. I love my cuppa java in the morning, and a nice cuppa tea in the evening. And sometimes, I like a glass of Merlot. And on hot days, I'll indulge in a margarita or two. I guess that makes me (and 99.9 per cent of the planet) a drug addict.

A few HOURS later, I received this.

Subject: S, I am not that good at mind reading.
Message: Also, I never really understood the concept of taking a hint? :) Please let me know what you thought about my previous messages because I would like to get to know you better. Thanks S.
- J

And finally, the last straw.

Message: Dear S, I once wanted to be a journalist, but I let it pass me by in favour of science. In journalism, we look for the crisis around us. In science, we cherish the universe that surrounds us. That is why I became a scientist.
- J

And with that, I blocked him, deleted my profile from the pool of fish, and vowed never to take online dating seriously again. It may work for a lot of people out there, but it clearly isn't for me right now.

I couldn't believe this guy. He insulted me for being in journalism... but the saving grace was AT LEAST I was a Goan.

Really? Is this what's left to deal with?

Dear readers, I would LOVE it more than anything if you shared some of your stories with me. Am I alone in my experiences? Do you have a funny or horrifying online dating story worth sharing?

Please join in the discussion on the blog's Facebook group or comment on this post. I can't possibly be alone in my experiences... can I?

xo




Image courtesy of Google Images
*Name has been changed for the sake of discretion.

A bite of Montréal love

I've always been fascinated with Montréal, QC. I am still trying to figure out if it's the special blend of postcolonial ambiance and character, or if it's the simple fact that it's so accessible that enhances my love for it. Regardless, I think it goes without saying that I could easily become quite comfortable here. Especially within the downtown core.

Downtown Montréal is nothing like downtown Toronto. The only way to describe the layout of this lovely core is to say it's stacked. Every street that runs parallel to Rue Sherbrooke going south, contains unique gems and are of equal importance. From the relaxing cafés along Boulevard de Maisonneuve to the bustling shopping hub that is Rue Sainte Catherine, there's just so much you can see and do -- and quite comfortably, without the fear of getting lost.

My past trips to Montréal weren't as filled with discovery as this one has been. On my first day here, I joined a friend in a long walk through the city. We started off at the Eaton Centre (yes, Toronto - Montréal has one too), and found ourselves walking all the way down to the Old Port. If you look at a map of the city, the thought of walking all that way might seem quite daunting, but it was actually rather lovely (and easy). The streets are well marked and navigating is a piece of cake as long as you know how to read.

I think I should mention here that my favourite hub is the historic district of Old Montréal. I've visited the Notre Dame Basilica each time I've been here, and can get lost in the beauties found along the cobblestone streets for hours. Really though, how can anyone hate cobblestone? I'll be writing more about Old Port and this historic district in another post, so please stay tuned.

But in the meanwhile, no trip to Montréal is complete without two essential meals -- nothing fancy, just the basic (and pretty legendary) Montréal smoked meat sandwich... and, of course, poutine.

My friend and I stopped by Montréal Poutine on Rue Saint-Paul for a delicious smoked meat sandwich, after our long walk through the city. This small yet delicious treat set the bar for future smoked meat sandwiches, that's for sure. It was quite filling and so tasty, that I craved it again for dinner that night. I wish I'd tried the poutine there, but since it never happened, another visit is definitely in the cards. I've heard nothing but good things about it.

The next day, my friend took me to La Belle Province -- a fast food chain within the city, where the ambiance resembles that of 50s diner. Now, I'm sure this wasn't the best poutine in the province (what, with it being a fast food chain and all), but it sure beat anything else outside the city.

They say that in order to get the best of the best, you must go to the source... and they (whoever 'they' were) weren't kidding. I've tried poutine in Toronto, and also at a couple of restaurants in South Korea -- (Hey, people are catching on to this delicious (and deadly) comfort food.) -- and nothing compares to the fantastic explosion of squeaky cheese curds, gravy and fries in your mouth, like that of the poutine in Montréal, regardless of whether you're eating in a fast food restaurant, or a gourmet café. That's all I have to say about that. You simply have to try it for yourself, if you haven't already.

As my short trip to this beautiful city wraps up,  I'm left feeling rather hopeful that my next visit will take place sooner than later. Perhaps I'll be back for the jazz festival this year. That's another thing... smooth and soothing jazz croons flow out of almost every café, restaurant and shop in this city. And I'm not complaining. There's nothing like sitting back with a glass of red wine and indulging in some fabulous wisdom courtesy of Ms. Ella Fitzgerald and Billie Holiday.

J'adore Montréal! See you soon.

xo

I love TED and you should too

I attended the first ever TEDxToronto salon this past Friday. For those of you unaware of TED and the reasons for its existence, I encourage you to check out their website. The tag line pretty much sums it all up: Ideas worth sharing.

The nonprofit organization highlights speakers from all walks of life, and all ends of the planet. They feature everyone from former vice presidents of the United States (Al Gore) to technology gurus like Steve Jobs. And though the talks range from the absurd to the hilarious, they all share simple yet common goals - to engage and inspire others, to challenge the ways in which we view the world, and to ultimately create a global community that seeks to foster the good in society.

I was fortunate enough to meet and listen to two Canadian speakers featured on TED at this event -- Drew Dudley (creator of Nuance Leadership Development Services Inc.) and Neil Pasricha (creator of 1000AwesomeThings.com). And they were both nothing short of fascinating and inspiring.

I first became aware of TED when I listened to a talk by acclaimed author Elizabeth Gilbert (of Eat Pray Love fame). While in Korea, I stumbled across a video of her speaking about this idea of nurturing creativity. As a writer  myself, I was enamoured by her visions and took a lot of what she said to heart. But the best part about the whole thing is that it exposed me to TED and to the unique and fascinating people on there, who literally have ideas worth sharing. Listening to TED talks soon became a guilty pleasure, and I found myself turning to them during moments of hopelessness and for bursts of inspiration. And an even better aspect of all this was that I could listen to the talks for free, in the comfort of my own home.

I was thrilled when I found out TEDxToronto was having its first salon. I was even more excited when I realized who the guest speakers would be. Drew Dudley is possibly one of the most engaging people I've ever met. He has a way of making things not only seem simple, but also quite attainable. When he talks, you can't help but listen. And when he's done talking, you want to leap out of your stance and go out and do something good.

Neil Pasricha inspires me. His blog started off as a simple idea meant to help him work through a rough patch in his own life. It turns out, a lot of other people were seeking the same medicine he'd created for himself. His website, 1000awesomethings.com, now helps millions of visitors by reminding them that life isn't all that bad. He focuses on the brighter side of life, and encourages others to take comfort in everyday joys and luxuries.

The theme of this salon was 'The Big Goal'. Everyone who attended was encouraged to write down their goal on a piece of paper, and stick it to a board where it could be shared with others. In fact, the night wrapped up with a few individuals stepping in front of the audience to vocalize their goals. I didn't get a chance to do this myself, but I wrote mine on the piece of paper. It seemed a lot simpler than what others wrote (including one which read, "TO NOT DIE"), but I was happy with my choice.

Mine was, "To focus my energy on the positives rather than the negatives in my life."

And as I expressed to Drew Dudley, this is partially why I started the Note This Moment project. I needed to create a space where I'd be forced to look at all the simple joys in my own life, and be thankful. Now friends are contributing to the site as well, and I'm looking forward to the participation of others (like you!). I guess you could call it a hopeful project, meant to engage others in positivity. And if you haven't yet checked it out, I encourage you to please do so.

I walked away from the TEDxToronto salon with a renewed sense of hope that there are other like-minded individuals out there who are doing their best to create a better tomorrow. I'm glad I had a chance to participate in this meetup. It put a lot of things into perspective for me... namely that I'm quite capable of a lot of things. And that I should stop asking people for their opinions and advice when it comes to decisions about my own life.

As Neil Pasricha puts it, "If its right, you'll feel it in your bones." And that's the best advice anyone can ever need.

Thanks for reading!

Cheers,
 

Be sure to check out The 3 A's of Awesome by Neil and Leading with Lollipops by Drew, when you have a moment. 

Banksy and the Balloon Girl

Those of you familiar with Banksy's graffiti art will recognize this picture with ease. Balloon Girl has been one of my favourite pieces for quite some time now, and I was recently reminded of it when a friend posted it as her Facebook profile photo.

I love the simplicity and innocence of it. Every time I look at the picture, I consider two questions: is she embracing love? Or is love leaving her?

In one way she looks like she's reaching out and trying to grab the love balloon. Or at least willing it towards her. I imagine she's reaching out for love. If only it were that easy, huh? Wishing for love is clearly a different thing than actually having it.

It could also be that she has intentionally let go of the love balloon. Perhaps holding onto it became too painful. Maybe she feared that it would pop and fade to a million pieces if she held on to it too tightly, so she decided to let it go.

Another way of looking at it (and this is the hopeless optimist in me speaking), is that she filled the balloon up with all the love she had to give, and sent it out into the world for everyone else to share. Hmm... perhaps.

You know, as I sit here typing this, the image above cuts out just above her head, and it looks as though she's just reaching out into the air. I don't see the balloon. It seems like she's just reaching out for... something.

It's interesting, really. If you check out the actually graffiti of this image, you'll see a line that reads, 'There is always hope'. And I suppose that's what it comes down to, huh? I've always said hope fuels humanity, and if this simple image doesn't demonstrate just that, then I don't know what does.

Banksy's work intrigues me, and I'm sure a lot of you feel the same way about it. I guess what's more fascinating is that no one really knows who he is. I adore that there's people like him in our world. They see things differently, and in some way, they also put life into perspective. They hold a mirror up to humanity and provide the reality checks we so often need.

Cheers, Banksy! You're a fascinating fellow.

Image courtesy of Google Images

Is beauty really pain?

It’s an idea women have been conditioned with since the time they were little girls: If you want to look beautiful, you will bear the pain.

I remember being a student at the University of Toronto and having to trudge through the cold winter nights for my evening classes. I would be layered up like the abominable snowman’s wife because of the cold. But it was never the idea of beauty that remained at the forefront of my mind; it was practicality and my desire to stay warm.

During those same months I remember watching international students – mostly women – who, in the same frigid temperatures would wear heels that were five inches or higher, stockings and a thin jacket with not much else. They would walk and they would fall. But they would get right back up and continue to walk... and fall. I never understood what went through their minds… until I spent a year in Seoul, Korea.

I spent a lot of time in the city with my eyes glued to the ground. Not because I was shy or because I had a serious case of the ‘I can’t make eye contact with you’ syndrome. It was simply more fascinating watching feet in that country than it was to watch faces. On any given day, regardless of whether was snowing or sunny, you were guaranteed to find a plethora of heels (or keels, as they called them there… ‘killer heels’) hitting the pavement.

Now, for anyone that’s visited Korea, you’ll know that it’s anything but flat. Regardless, women would march up and down roads in shoes designed for European runways, and not the winding, uneven streets of Seoul.

I always argued that heels before breakfast never made sense (unless of course, you still had them on from the night before), so catching on to this fascinating idea of fashion was quite eyeopening.

With this information in hand, I took a chance and quizzed some of my female students on their reasons for donning these beautiful torture devices from sunrise to sunset, with no breaks for sneakers or flats.

“If you didn’t have to wear your uniform, what would you wear?” I asked them.

“Teacher! Skinny jeans, hoodies and keels,” they replied, almost unanimously.

“Why? They're so painful!” I said, face scrunched up for emphasis.

After looking at me with blank expressions, like I was the strange one in the room, one girl simply said, “But it makes women beautiful. And that is a good thing.”

For beauty, they were willing to bear the pain. And while most women pick up on this with time and age, these youngsters we exposed to the cardinal rule of fashion from the time they were tots. The obsession with long legs isn’t simply directed from men to women anymore. Women inflict this upon themselves, even when no one expects them to.

So the next time you ride the subway or find yourself in a public space, drop your gaze to the floor, and have a look at what people are wearing. Practicality overshadows beauty in Canada, so you may not find the keels I saw on a daily basis. But you might better appreciate living in a society where sneakers and flats before sunset are not only accepted, but also encouraged.

Note: AdornedMagazine.com originally featured this article on their website.

Sound Pundits: Fusing Music into an Experience

T.S. Eliot once said, “You are the music while the music lasts.” And for two Toronto-based deejays, this is a statement to live by.

Sound Pundits is the brainchild of two friends from Toronto, who hope to change the face of Bollywood music one listener at a time, with a keen interest on entertaining and engaging local Torontonians. Each month Ahmed Hashim and Ketan Chhatwani release a podcast online, which they describe as “an hour and a half long musical experience.”

“It has a clear beginning, middle and end,” says Hashim, who also likens the experience to “riding a musical wave”.

In a world where tracks are released by the second, and podcasts are available for every music enthusiast, from classical concertos to spoken-word poetry, Sound Pundits are quite likely to stand out.

Their goal is to make music that’s appropriate for any setting. “We want people to turn to the Sound Pundits when they’re working out, or if they’re preparing for a night on the town,” Hashim says. “Music is a movement, and we’re sure people will be moving as they listen to what we put together.”

Chhatwani and Hashim meticulously choose the music for each episode. They spend the month doing research and testing tracks. House, progressive and electronic beats are then blended with the latest from Bollywood, in what sounds like a musical fusion that captures the romance of the east and combines it with the pulse of the west.

“We credit all the deejays used in our podcast, and we let our listeners know what they’re listening to,” says Chhatwani, who hopes this project will change the way people listen to Bollywood music across the planet.

“We’re just two guys who want to bring you good music,” he explains. “Bollywood music is appreciated across the planet and by all cultures, but we want to let people know there’s more than just the basic banghra beats that seem so popular in the club scenes.”

When asked about the difference between Bollywood and bhangra music, the friends were quick to explain.

“Bhangra music energizes people from start to finish,” Chhatwani says. “It’s upbeat, and you know it will charge you up. Bollywood music is calmer and it has a definite story.”

So why mix beats into a calm story? Well, the two friends say this is the best way inject Bollywood into mainstream music.

“The electronic scene is huge in India,” Hashim says. “These tracks (mostly from movies) are already mixed by local deejays, but they rarely ever leave India. That’s where we come in.”

The two admit the name of their venture defines their vision. According to them “Every musician, every deejay is a Sound Pundit. They create the music, and we combine it together in a way that’s fun and easy to listen to.”

The two friends credit deejays on both sides of the planet for inspiring them into this craft. “We feature everyone from DJ Anoop, DJ Dev and DJ NYK — who just so happens to be the biggest deejay in India — to Canada’s very own Deadmau5,” Chhatwani says. “We’re actually in contact with some of the big names in the Indian club scene.”

They taught themselves everything from the art of mixing music, to creating a podcast online. And their hard work is definitely showing, with listeners tuning in every month from over 80 countries.

“People anticipate our episodes,” Hashim says. “We get messages asking when then next one will be available for download… it’s pretty exciting.”

And as they approach the one-year anniversary of their venture, their momentum simply continues to grow.
According to the duo, deejays send them samples of their work with hopes of being featured on an episode.

However, they’re also constantly on the lookout for new and emerging artists to feature as well. “We’re moving full speed ahead in 2011,” they say. “We have a lot of surprises in store for our listeners in the coming months, so we’re asking you to tune in… and stay tuned.”

You can check out their Facebook fan page for more booking information and latest news, or visit their SoundCloud page for all the latest releases.

Image courtesy of the Sound Pundits

Note: AdornedMagazine.com featured this article in their Entertainment section in Jan/2011.

Global Belly Laugh Day

Today is Global Belly Laugh Day. So make sure you take some time to get your hahas on at some point. There's nothing better than a good laugh to get you out of the blues... even if it's just temporarily.

Take a cue from Mr. Clooney here. He knows the value of a good belly laugh. 

Here are five great sites to get you started.

Fail Blog
Ever have moments that just make you want to want to go into hiding from embarrassment? Well, so do the victims of Fail Blog. This amazing site features stories from contributors willing to share their facepalm moments with the world. Check it out for a chuckle.

Texts From Last Night
Pretty much self explanatory. People submit their inappropriate, entertaining and silly texts here. Good for a laugh in limited characters.

F My Life
Everytime you feel your life can't get any worse, visit this site to be reminded that it can. Just be glad you're not one of these victims.

I Can Has Cheezburger
If you don't know of this site by now, then you're clearly new to the Internet.

The Onion
Taking everyday news and spinning it until it woven into a comfy ol' sweater.

Image courtesy of Google Images

Toronto is the unhappiest city in Canada

Yes, it's true.

According to a 2010 study conducted by the Canadian Centre for the Study of Living Standards (CSLS), Toronto is the unhappiest city in Canada. The happiest city is Sherbrooke, Quebec -- but not by much. According to the study, on a scale of 1 to 5, Toronto scored 4.15 and Sherbrooke scored 4.37. So in hindsight, it's not by a large margin, but it's still an interesting fact to explore.

An article in the Toronto star said there could be a number of factors influencing the figures that showed up in the study; but one of the main reasons is because Torontonians generally suffer from “less of a feeling of community because of the large concentration of population and trend towards skyscraper living.”

I kind of believe this. From my experience it seems that unless people live in the core of the city, it's quite difficult to feel part of a community.


A commenter over at Reddit responded to this study by saying it's harder to be happy in the suburbs, because priorities are different. If you're someone who likes going out and meeting new people and you live in the suburbs without constant access to a car, it can be quite easy to fall into a desperate case of the 'blahs'.

That said, it would be interesting to see the survey results sorted by suburb dwellers and urban dwellers.

Toronto is a city that's quite spread out, so it's difficult to just 'go out and do something' without planning well in advance. Especially because transportation options are so bad. I live on the subway line, but quite far east. And if I want to go out and enjoy myself, I feel more inclined to head downtown. But when I do decide to go downtown, I have to plan in advance and figure out what time I need to leave in order to catch the last subway home. It does make me quite upset, and I know a large number of Torontonians share this sentiment.

Another key point brought up in the Toronto Star article focused on Toronto's immigrant population and the state of employment (or the lack of it) in the city.

When people immigrate to Canada they tend to head to bigger cities like Vancouver and Toronto. The idea is that there will be greater opportunities to assimilate within 'multicultural' communities, and find employment. Sadly, this isn't always the case, and the culture-shock leads to greater unhappiness and stress within immigrant communities.

All that aside, I do enjoy living in Toronto. But the results from the study speak for themselves.

I'm not shocked to find out Toronto is the unhappiest city in Canada. It may be a mosaic of many different cultures and it does have a lot going for it, but in my opinion, Toronto definitely doesn't have a sense of community. There's a lot of comfort in smaller communities within the city, but as a whole, there's something missing.

Well, except every time the Leafs lose. Everyone commiserates together then.

xo




Image courtesy of TorontoLife.com

An open letter to the Toronto Transit Commission

Dear TTC,

After years of defending you to to my friends and family, I think I've finally reached my limit. I don't normally use this blog to promote rants and thoughts that I know will lead no where. But I really need to get these feelings off my chest.

For the longest time I figured it was pointless for me to vent and complain about you because a.) There isn't an alternative form of public transportation in Toronto (and I depend on you far too much to go cold turkey), and b.) I thought it was wrong to let my feelings toward the misgivings of a few employees dominate the entire system.

But here I am... annoyed as hell. In the past two weeks I've experienced two incidents that I could have easily done without. Two bad experiences with the TTC in two weeks is two too much!

Let me enlighten you.

Every morning I catch the same bus to work. And for the most part, it has the same driver every time. Instead of walking to the subway station, I wait at the bus shelter by my house -- this is the first stop once the bus leaves the station. Last week, while caught in a downpour, I ran to the bus shelter and waited for my ride. I saw the bus coming down the street and walked out into the rain, only to have the bus drive past me, and stop beyond the intersection. I ran up to the bus and knocked on the door, which the driver opened -- much to his annoyance.

"When the weather gets like this, you cannot be in the bus shelter," he said, with an annoyed look. "You should walk to the station and wait there."

Really? I didn't see a sign up that said I needed to do that. And besides, another bus that went down a different route stopped at that same stop and picked up four people who were waiting with me. I conveyed this information to the driver, who just glared at me and repeated himself, warning me that if he saw me do this the next time, he wouldn't stop.

Wow. I didn't think they were allowed to make up their own rules. If he had simply let me in with a nod, I would have been fine. If he had let me in and apologized for overshooting the stop, I would have been better than fine. But he didn't do either of those things. Instead, he made it seem like it was somehow my fault. What? Waiting at a designated bus stop in the pouring rain became a crime while I was out of the country for the past year? News to me.

I was steaming from this incident, but I let it pass, chalking it up to a possible bad day for the driver. We all have those from time to time, and I figured he'd be nicer the next time I saw him.

Today I had the misfortune of having the same bus driver again. This time I wasn't the victim of his verbal aggression, but rather, a friendly older lady. The incident took place about 20 minutes into the bus ride. He pulled up to one of the bus stops and let a young man on. In fact, it might have been one of those 'rolling stops' where the bus is still moving while people get on and off.

The young man asked the bus driver to wait for a few seconds, because an elderly lady (with a cane) was scrambling to get to the front of the bus. (Keep in mind, this was during the first snowfall in December).

Once she boarded the bus, she casually joked with the driver and said, "Oh, you almost got away from me." It was cute, and I could tell she was trying to make light of the whole situation. His response to her was rude and absolutely uncalled for, and it's one of the reasons I'm writing this blog post tonight.

The driver turned to the lady who was trying to take out her bus fare and curtly said, "Pay your fare and take a seat." That's it. He could see her struggling to find her money (or tickets), and continued being mean to her. It seemed as if those few seconds he had to wait for her were so inconveniencing, he couldn't hold back his wrath.

The lady reacted kindly and said, "If you don't mind, I'm rather unsteady right now, please give me a few seconds..." Again, his reaction? "I said take a seat!"

The lady eventually paid her fare and wobbled over to one of the poles and stood for her journey -- which, as it turned out, was two stops down the road, so she didn't want to sit.

I wish I was the kind of person who could have gone up to that driver and given him a piece of my mind. I wish I had the nerve and courage to tell him what I really thought of him. Instead, all I did was sit there and fume over everything that had led up to these feelings. And I cursed him out in my mind.

When I came back to Toronto in September, I had to adjust to paying three dollars to simply enter TTC property. In Seoul, three dollars would get me from point A to point B and back. Actually, less than three dollars.

I understand that while I was away, the TTC decided they needed to revamp their whole attitude towards their riders, and began this campaign to focus on 'customer service'. Really? If this is what you call customer service, then I can't help but laugh in your face.

Again, there's this huge part of me that's screaming -- I shouldn't judge the entire Commission based on the actions of a few disgruntled employees. But really, when I see this same disgruntled employee day after day, driving the same route day after day, meeting the same patrons day after day, treating the same riders like scum... day after day, I can't help but feel that same spite towards the entire organization.

I don't think saying 'get your act together' will solve anything. All I know is this -- when Torontonians say they hate the TTC, there's a reason for it. Fares keep increasing, while employees sit with their unionized jobs, treating riders with such disdain and spite. And for what? Because we get upset when you treat us like we're not worthy of a hello (in return) or a legitimate pick up from a designated bus stop?

Perhaps if you start following your own rules, then your riders will follow suit. Perhaps if you stop threatening to go on strike and taking the city hostage every time you don't get your own way, then your riders will respect you and your work more. We know we can't live without you, and you know we can't live without you. The only difference is, you make sure to remind us of this every time you want something done your way (the better way?!).

That's all I have to say on that. For now.

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P.s. To further justify my irritation, I just moved back to Toronto from Seoul, Korea. With all the problems they're having on that peninsula, they sure have one thing right -- their transportation.

-You can take a train from Seoul to Busan (respectively, from the north of SK to the south) in under four hours.
-With the Korean won and Canadian dollar almost at par, it still only costs approximately 90 cents to get on a train or a bus.
-You can get wi-fi AND use your cell phone while riding the subway (which, mind you, is much further underground than in Toronto).
-Seoul has nine (NINE) subway lines. And they're building more, as I write this.

So... perhaps increasing fares and not having anything valid to show for it is a good enough reason for people to be steaming mad at you.

Image courtesy of Google Images

A very Martha Christmas?

Christmas is exactly a month away and I'm not feeling the least bit festive. I know -- it's quite shocking, isn't it? Every year I usually spend the weeks leading up to the festive season reveling in holiday cheer. Carols slowly sneak onto my iPod, and the house begins to smell like sweet shortbread and peppermint. The tree goes up at the end of November, and I two-step, grin and sparkle my way right into the new year.

But this year, for some reason, I'm just not feeling festive. Perhaps it's because I'm still going through reverse culture-shock... or perhaps it's because I'm trying to make some sense of my life again. But as much as I want to have Wham! and Mariah Carey take over the sound system at home... they're just not receiving a warm welcome this year... yet.

So here's my attempt at self-inspiration and cheer. I was just online 'browser' shopping, and came across some lovely holiday décor ideas from Martha Stewart that I'd love to implement. I never imagined I'd ever feel the need for holiday decor ideas... but here I am.

These are some awesome tips to recycle and re-purpose old ornaments and decorations -- definitely right up the alley of this recessionista!

These beautiful garlands are made out of old ribbons. I remember we used to make the same kind of garlands out of construction paper for parties in elementary school. This is such a great idea! Not only do you end up with a garland that's uniquely your own, but you're also able to re-purpose those old ribbons that you've been storing for a rainy day. Well done, Martha!

This was another great idea that I wish I'd thought of! Consider taking old holiday cards and giving them a fun place in your holiday décor this year. Simply cut them out into circles of different sizes, and stick them with colourful reinforcement tape onto fishing wire or clear string. Then, voila! Another fun, festive garland that's both economical, and environmentally friendly.

Show off that freshly baked batch of gingerbread men, by displaying them in a cheeky wreath. Again, another fabulous design idea that I wish I'd thought of. But it's so creative and simple to make. Head on over to MarthaStewart.com to find out how. I'd watch out for hungry guests, though!

When I was a child, we'd always collect Christmas cards and display them over the holidays. The easiest way was to hang them from a garland of tinsel or clear string, against an empty wall. It's easier to display cards now, with cute clothespins and wall hangings that you can purchase from stationary stores. But I also found this awesome idea for a holiday card wreath over at MarthaStewart.com. It's so simple, and has a very nostalgic look to it. I love that the wreath will look different, depending on whose house it is displayed in.

Finally, these ornaments speak to my tropical heart. Simply take seashells and dust them in glitter, choosing either one or two tones to give them a fantastic shimmer. I absolutely love the idea of converting seashells into Christmas ornaments. You can find the easy, step-by-step guide to making the coast part of your holiday décor, by clicking here.

OK... soooo perhaps I'm feeling a bit inspired now. Maybe some carols and a few hours of baking should set everything back on course. :)

xo




Images courtesy of MarthaStewart.com

Common pride, not so common wealth

The 2010 Commonwealth Games opened in India last night, under a cloud of controversy and corruption. I hadn't paid too much attention to the issues surrounding the games, except for what I'd heard on the news about the athletes' village not being up to par or ready for people to live in, or the fact that many athletes bowed out of the competitions because they feared for their health and safety. I must admit, it looked pretty bad for a while, and I wondered if India would live up to expectations.

But if the opening ceremonies last night were any indication, it seems the organizers in India managed to pull a miracle and put on a good show. Viewers were treated to dances representing the different regions of the country, light shows, and live musical performances. It was pretty neat to watch it all from my living room in Canada. In fact, I should say the show made me rather nostalgic.

It seems that for a few hours, people were allowed to forget about all the controversy and issues that are yet to be dealt with. Instead, they were given glimpses into India's rich roots and heritage, that changes when you travel through all parts of the country. Everything from the vibrant saris to the dazzling array of colours, proved to be a spectacular feast for the eyes.

I knew India had many dance forms that range from the north's Kathak to the south's Bharatanatyam. However, it was pretty awesome to watch them all in a wonderful montage during yesterday's show. Then, of course, the games were declared officially open, as Indian musician A.R. Rahman (A la Slumdog Millionaire fame) belted out his famous 'Jai Ho' (be victorious!). It seemed an appropriate choice, all things considered.

That said, it didn't take long for the issues to stir up again. Less than a few hours after the games opened, the headlines over the net changed from reveling in India's ability to 'pull it together at the last minute' to the following:

• Indian wrestlers denied cow and fresh milk for village
• Delhi stadiums full of empty seats
• Commonwealth Games problems continue

So with the opening ceremonies out of the way, people are now talking about how there's no spectators at the games. Seats in stadiums are empty, and ticket sales have been lackluster. With more than a week left before the closing ceremonies, it should be interesting to see if organizers in Delhi will redeem themselves beyond the fanfare and regalia of the three hour opening show.


xo
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Images courtesy of Google Images

Sicks and Sticks

I'm all for cultural sensitivity. In fact, after having lived in three very different countries in my lifetime, I can say that giving people the benefit of the doubt when it comes to their traditions and customs comes quite naturally to me.

However, an incident at my workplace earlier this week made me seriously call some of these so called 'cultural norms' into question.

It seems that in Korea, teachers are revered as higher powers. They take the role of parents while at school, monitoring students' behaviours, grades and habits. And by the same token, these students can approach the teachers and make similar requests of them as they would with their parents. They run the gamut from "Teacher, can you buy me lunch?" to "Teacher, give me your phone number so I can call you when I have problems."

While the teachers help guide these teens down the right path, preparing them for high school and university, they are also given a lot of power -- especially when it comes to discipline.

I was well aware when I first moved here that punishments involving hitting the students were not only practiced, but condoned. I owned it up to the fact that this was part of their culture -- a tried a true method that no one seemed to question. Having lived in India for the first part of my life, I realized this was the norm within a lot of eastern countries. As a child, I too was on the receiving end of many flying sticks, rulers, and sometimes, even my own compass case. Again, I chalked it up to the values and discipline methods of that society. And I would keep this in mind as I'd sit in the teachers room at my job in Korea.

From what I've noticed there seems to be one main disciplinarian at my school. He's an older man, who sits at the opposite end of the staffroom from me. He's respected by the staff (despite many not liking him), because of the years he's devoted to this school. Even though a lot of people tend to question his practices (as noted during numerous school lunches with the female teachers), no one dares to say anything to him for two reasons: first, he's a man, and second, he's got tenure.

On any given day, this teacher uses his stick about a dozen times at least. It seems like the punishment for arriving late at school is the same as the one students receive if they're caught cheating on a test -- a brutal beating on their knuckles and calf muscles, for as long as the teacher deems fit.

I never condoned this form of punishment, nor will I ever. I believe there are other ways to get through troubled students and teenagers, without resorting to physical violence. There should be degrees of punishment, and a student who arrives late shouldn't have to pay the same price as a student caught smoking on school property. Apparently I'm the only teacher who thinks this way at my work.

I suppose I'm wondering where's the line between cultural norms and corporal punishment? How far is too far, and at what point do the people witnessing this say, "enough is enough!"?

On this particular day the teacher had made his way across the staffroom and proceeded to lay into a couple of students just two feet behind me. I couldn't help but wince and shudder every time the stick made contact with their skin. The sound was unbearable and I couldn't even turn around. I just sat there, crippled, as he took turns with each of them. From my understanding he had caught them cheating on a test, and had brought them to the staffroom to be punished. At one point I heard a crack, and I realized that the man had actually managed to break the stick on one of the students.

As this unfolded, a few teachers mulling around the busy staffroom looked at me apologetically. One young, male teacher even came up and said, "You think this is wrong, I know. I am sorry...". However, not a single teacher, male or female, stepped up and said, "Enough!"

I should state here, that I've seen some of the female teachers hit the students as well. Bearing in mind that I work at a girls middle school, this seems less brutal than what usually transpires with that one male teacher. The female teachers are maternal, and discipline coming from them stems from a place of concern and worry. Their punishments involve things like kneeling in the staffroom with their hands in the air, or cleaning the classrooms after hours. And sometimes, a single, well-placed slap for the ones caught messing up time after time is also quite possible.

But no one ever resorts to what this man does. And it's apparent that none of the teachers agree with it. Yet, in the entire time I've been here, no one has said a word.

So, I understand it's a cultural thing. I've brought this issue up with friends who've said it's part of Korean society and that I need to learn to be OK with it. So why is it that I can't? I've seen both sides of the coin - studying in India and experiencing teachers hitting students for failing tests; and studying in Canada, where a mere misplaced look from a teacher can mean lawsuits and parental wrath.

What is it about Korea's patriarchal society that allows such behaviour to be considered the norm? It's not normal... it's archaic and vicious. Especially when it's a man doing this at an all girls school. And the fact that it's a society where people know it's wrong and still feel they can't say anything? Well, that says something. If Korea hopes to be a global leader in the 21st century, they really need to start looking at some of the things they deem as 'normal'.

I know a lot of you will have something to say about this post, so please feel free. I'd love to know your thoughts on the matter, so I'm opening the topic up for discussion. How far is too far when it comes to disciplining students in schools?

xo
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Beauty, V and Me

I've spent this past week doing a lesson on "Beauty" with my students. The idea had been stewing for some time, and I knew I wanted to try and pick their brains on the topic, before my contract was up. This seemed like the perfect opportunity, as I struggled to create another lesson plan.

The results have been quite interesting so far. Instead of an activity, it's more of a conversation based class, where I show them photos and they tell me what they think. I run the gamut from celebrities with before and after photos, right through to botched plastic surgery videos on YouTube.

But what's fascinating, are their thoughts on the subject. At the start of every class, I ask them, "What does 'beautiful' mean?"

Most responses are as follows:

"Small face!"
"Big eyes..."
"Perfect 'V' shape!" (referring to the 'V' of your face)
"White!"
"Perfect 'S' shape!" (referring to the 'S' silhouette)

You get the idea.

My goal for this lesson was to somehow ingrain it in their heads that beauty comes from inside rather than outside, (something that everyone seems to know, except my students, it seems). In fact, I made sure to end each lesson with an encouraging "... if your heart and mind are good, your beauty will shine from within" speech.

At one point I think the idea started to register with a few of the girls... until a photo of Kate Winslet showed up on the screen.

"Titanic!" one girl shouted.

"Yes, this is the actress from Titanic," I said. "Do you think she is beautiful?"

"No!!" they said, almost in unison.

"Why is that?"

"She's old!"

I was dumbfounded! Were they telling me that getting older meant losing beauty? I felt forced into a battle and dove right in.

"Is your mother beautiful?" I asked. There were some nods and uncertain stares.

"OK, how about your grandmother?" I received 30 blank looks and dead silence. "You know, one day you too will be old," I said. "How would you like it if young people called you ugly then?"

This seemed to affect some students who blushed in embarrassment, while others simply rolled their eyes.

I was telling S that since a majority of the young women in Korea seem to think the same way -- that external beauty and plastic surgery are keys to happiness -- there must be a bigger problem at hand.

Here I'd like to point you towards another blog that explains how the Korean media markets to self-conscious youth and young women, with the help of the English alphabet. Korean Women Are Not Alphabets, a blog post/article that appeared in the Korea Times, explains how the media uses letters like M, S, U, V, W and X to depict the ideal body shape for a woman. Yes, the so called 'perfect' woman should have all these alphabets.


If you watch Korean television, go to grocery stores and even ride the subway, you are bound to cross advertisements depicting how you too can achieve these letters -- through juice boxes, traditional drinks, a certain diet, and gadgets and gizmos tailored to target specific areas on your body.

There's no proof really that any of these things work... however, it's interesting to note that though Korean women are some of the slimmest women on the planet, they also consume the most amount of diet supplements. Check out The Grand Narrative to read more on this fascinating subject.

Hence, my lesson for the week has been as difficult as it's been interesting. Though I've been tested and had moments of frustration during the classes, I also feel sorry for my students. I hope that some day they'll be able to look past the media messages being sent their way and finally realize the truth behind the idea of 'beauty' -- that it most certainly does come from within.

xo
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Image courtesy of Google Images