A 2013 wish for you and me

Hello dear friend,

It's new year's eve in Toronto, and I've spent some time thinking about what I'd like to say to you as we start 2013. I also spent a considerable amount of time reflecting on all that happened this past year...

And then I realized I was done with it.

2012 was a monumental year for me, and I know I'll never forget it. But it's also time to embrace the present reality, recognize that the past is just that -- the past, and to look hopefully towards a brighter future.

I couldn't find better words than these gems from Neil Gaiman. So here's to you and your dreams, my friend. May the New Year 2013 be everything you wish it to be, and may you and your loved ones be blessed with all the things that will make your hearts sing.

 

Image courtesy of Pinterest.com

 

xo

Simi

A present worthy of a pause

I can say in all honesty that the firsts have been the toughest. They always are, aren't they? Since June, we've been through the Euro Cup, the Olympics, birthdays, Thanksgiving, Diwali... his favourites. Seasons have changed and life has moved on. And it has only been five months. Well, it will be five months on November 21st. Five months on what would have also been a milestone birthday for him.

Image found on Pinterest.com

In one way, time has been speeding on by. I can't believe it's almost the end of November, with Christmas right around the corner. But in other ways, the days have been dragging. I sometimes feel as though I want time to speed up. Like the faster it goes, the closer and sooner I'll get to what it is I really want. I keep imagining that the fates have this grand plan chalked out for me. Something that will involve more smile than frowns and more reasons to live in the present than to anticipate what the future will bring.

Then, just as I get ahead of myself and what I imagine things will be like a year or a decade from now, life sends me a reminder that I'm not promised anything beyond the present. You'd think after everything this year has swung my way I'd have learned that lesson by now...

Then again, I suppose the reminders are also important. They're flagposts of our own mortality. I feel like we live in an age where life moves so quickly that we're constantly struggling to keep up.

Image found on Pinterest.com

I'm starting to savour the moments when I'm still. I used to be scared of the silence, but now I'm starting to embrace it. I'm grateful for quiet moments that let me reflect.

Many years ago, my mum printed out this image (pictured below) and stuck it to the mirror on her dressing table. Five simple rules for happiness. I remember seeing this printout every so often, but wouldn't really pay attention to it. It keeps springing to mind now, though. She follows these rules every day, and I hope that some day I'll be able to do the same.

Image found on Pinterest.com

xo

Simi

For the light that guides us

"2012 will be the year when big things happen!"

I clearly had high hopes when this year first began.

When I made that statement at the turn of the new year, I was thinking new job, life-altering trip... things along those simple lines. But how does that saying go? Something about the "best laid plans going astray...?"

If my experiences this year have taught me anything, it's to not be surprised if you end up on a different journey in life than you had planned. Because even if you have it all figured out (right down to what outfit you'll wear on the plane as you embark on your great escape), life can shift gears at any moment and send you on a journey you had no intention of ever entertaining. 

The thing about these unexpected journeys, however, -- the ones that shake the very foundation that you exist upon -- is that they hold a mirror to you. They usually set forth a series of events that test you down to your core. They make you rediscover yourself -- your mirth, your courage, your resilience, and what you truly believe in. I can't say there's a real ending to these journeys because I think they're the forever kind. But I can say that the strengths you pick up along the way (because they are strengths) do make the road... less... difficult. And they, perhaps, even help you as you work on your other plans -- once you get back on track, of course. 

Losing my father in June came as a rough blow. I wasn't ready for it. It wasn't part of my plan this year. I know that sounds awful, but because his passing was very unexpected I can say it. I (and members of my family, in their own way) have been on one of these unexpected journeys since May. And I have been tested. From shocking emotions to moods I never even knew existed, it's been a roller coaster. And I'm trying hard to stabilize the flickering lights in my life. 

I mentioned in my last post that over the past few months I've taken comfort in my job and the joy it gives me. However, the moments on my own have been the toughest. I've been forced to acknowledge a reality without my father, and it's heartbreaking. He comes to mind mostly during the holidays -- especially the Indian ones. He enjoyed them the most because they reminded him of his youth, growing up in India. Ganesh Chaturthi and now, Diwali -- the festival of lights. There's no denying a lot of people saw the light that shone brightly through my father. 

For the light that guards and guides us. For the one that will always shine so bright.
{Photography courtesy of StraightFromTheCurls.com}

So tonight, on the eve of Diwali in Toronto, I've lit a lantern as a symbol of hope and peace. I hope that the light will continue to shine and guide me on my journey. I hope that it will bring my loved ones peace. I've also lit it in the hopes that you, my dear reader, will always find reasons to see brightness over the dark, and that you and your loved ones will forever be surrounded by light and love.

Thank you for adding to the light in my life! 

Happy Diwali!

xo

Simi

9/11 - You May Say I'm a Dreamer

"You may say I'm a dreamer.
But I'm not the only one.
I hope some day you'll join us.
And the world will live as one."
- John Lennon

A lot of people have spent today reflecting on their whereabouts exactly 10 years ago. Almost everyone can perhaps remember where they were, and what they were doing when they found out the twin towers in New York City had come down, as the result of a terrorist attack.

Me? I was one week into my grade 11 year in high school. I can't quite remember which class I was in while it was happening, but I do remember where I was when I found out. Our second period English teacher had been called away with the rest of the staff for an 'emergency meeting.' When she came back into the classroom, she looked pale and obviously shaken up. She, then, choosing the best words she could muster given the situation, proceeded to tell us that there was an 'attack' in New York City, and that we wouldn't be on a regular schedule for the rest of the day. Little did I realize that the schedule I'd known up until that point, would never be the same again. Not for me. Not for the rest of the world.

2001 was a pivotal year in my life. I turned 16 that summer, to a lot of chaos, both personally, and externally. I never realized that the events of that year would have ramifications so far into the future.

I'm not going to go into details about my thoughts on the fact that this tragedy has resulted in more wars and hate crimes in our world. But suffice to say, I don't think we've learned anything since the tragedy that was 9/11. That, in and of itself, is it's own kind of tragedy.

I do believe, however,  that a new generation with a new understanding has emerged -- one that strives for peace, and is fueled by hope. It's inspiring.

But there are still a lot of people in power -- the decision makers and influencers -- who are choosing not to promote change for the better. They're encouraging hate in political platforms, and are drawing lines among citizens who should be working together for the common good. They're promoting fear, when they should be encouraging hope and love.

Call me dramatic, but this is just how I see it right now. I sometimes catch the broadcasts on conservative news networks, and get goosebumps. I can't believe people are allowed to stand on their soapboxes and say the things they do. It's all so heartbreaking.

Here's my hope.

I'm hoping that 10 years from now, we'll be able to look back as a world that's managed to piece itself together. That we're encouraging peace and taking the time to break down walls. That we're teaching our children to think and act with love in their hearts, rather than hate. And that our priorities remain more focused on engaging in discourse where we're actually listening to each other, instead of focusing on getting the last word.

It might be a tall order, but a girl can imagine, right?

I'd like to end this post with one of my favourite singers, Neil Young, performing a tribute cover of John Lennon's iconic song, Imagine.




Here's wishing you, dear readers, lots of love and peace, from my heart to yours.

xo
Simi

Quest for Better

Another birthday passed by me last last weekend. Each year, this day becomes less significant. This one passed by in an August breeze... But it was different.

This time, to a full moon. To a meteor shower. To a big change at work. To the realization that I'm surrounded by more love and luxuries than I imagined having in my life. That last one is what I need to reflect on today.

I've been so busy focusing on all that's missing, that I've completely lost sight of what's actually here, right within arms reach.

I realize my last couple of posts seemed a bit melancholy, and to be honest, quite depressing. Looking back, and knowing what I know now, I realize things weren't that bad.

But I guess that's just it, right? When you're experiencing a shift in your life, whether good or bad, it seems like the biggest thing at that moment. It's so easy to lose sight of the big picture.

I've always been an optimist. Well, no. My friend, S, might beg to differ, actually. But I think more often than not, I've been more 'glass half full' than 'glass half empty'. Perhaps that's why you all freak out when you stumble across one of my oh-so-tragic posts. (Sorry about that by the way. Yikes!)

So in keeping with the optimism, I should say I'm grateful. I know it's a matter of perspective, but I'm fortunate enough to be one of the 7 billion people on this planet who has access to a lifestyle that most only dream of. I have safety, food, clothing, a job, friends, hobbies... and I have opportunities.

That last one is a biggy. It's a perk. Opportunities arise out of chance and circumstance, and when they present themselves, we should jump all over them. Why take for granted a luxury not known to so many?

So my goal in the coming months is to continue being grateful for all this and more. Every day is an opportunity to do better and to be better. And I want to be better.

Xo
Simi

Luck be a pain in the...

"The more I think about things, the more I see no rhyme or reason in life. No one knows why some things work out and some things don't. Why some of us are lucky and some of us get..."

The quote featured above is from the movie Notting Hill. Now before you go off and laugh at my choice of reference, let me plead my case. That quote has been resonating in my mind for the past couple of weeks and after the events of this past Friday evening, it couldn't ring any truer.

I feel as though I'm on this ridiculous roll of bad luck... even though it's not a roll of any kind. It just... is. I always imagined - and to a certain extent believed - that we created our own luck; charted our own destiny. But I realize I'm wrong. Sometimes the way things work out really isn't up to you.

A few weeks back I was informed that a couple of positions became available at my previous place of work. A place I thought I could really thrive in. When I was there, I was told on numerous occasions that there would be no chance of me ever getting hired on full-time because of budget cuts and other issues. So I found another job at a company where I absolutely enjoy working right now.

And it's the first time in a long time that I realized there's truth in the saying, "It's all a matter of timing and good luck."

A lot of successful people will freely admit that they achieved their goals and dreams through hard work, determination, and a 'little' bit of luck. I'm realizing quickly that it's not just luck... it's a whole LOT of luck.

Then, while all this was mulling around in my mind, I spent the last week feeding my brain at this wonderful three-day conference in Toronto, where I had the chance to listen to 50 speakers from different walks of life. Including one Mr. Deepak Chopra, who reminded me about the importance of listening to my heart. And about the importance of self-reflection as well. I used to do this all the time when I was in university... but somewhere between searching for a career and figuring out how this whole 'being a grown-up business' works, I got lost. And to be honest, I feel pretty lost at the moment. I feel like I've lost balance, and I want to find my feet again.

And then, just when I thought I couldn't feel any worse about my life getting all tangled up in itself, I ended last week with my wallet being stolen on the subway.

Yep.

So you can imagine that right now, all I really want to do is look up to the heavens in an open field and scream, "Is that all you've got?!"

I'm frustrated. It seems like these days no matter what I do, I'm either too early or too late. I'd like to be where I need to be on time. Just once. I'd like to be able to say, "I'm going to spend Saturday rolling in my bed, watching movies"... and actually mean it, without having to run around trying to sort out the contents of my lost wallet.

I'd like...

And then I force myself to look at the bigger picture. Last week a young girl in Toronto went for a drive to sort our an errand. She made a regulated turn, and ended up killing a child crossing the street. She didn't plan for that to happen. It just happened. And now her life, and the lives of the families involved, will never be the same again.

The other day a man went out to watch game 7 of the Stanely Cup finals in Vancouver. The Canucks lost, and he ended up in a post-game riot. During this time, he tried protecting a car about to be torched, and ended up getting beaten up by the rioters. I bet he didn't see that coming when he left the house earlier in the day.

So you see where I'm going with this? I'm really starting to believe there's no real formula to this whole luck thing -- it just happens. Que sera sera. What will be will be. We can only do our best, and continue to have dreams, and make attempts at having them come true. But this business of who gets the sprinkles of fairy dust, and who doesn't... that part isn't really up to us.

Who decides...

... How two people can be born into the same family, and achieve different financial outcomes as adults?

... Whether you'll succumb to a disease, just because the genes that blended when your parents had you, are actually warring against each other in your body?

... That out of two plants planted in the same soil, mere inches apart, one will survive, and one will fail to grow?

... That even though you may dream of your future in one way... there might be a diffirent plan for you, that's out of your control?

... That no matter how cautiously you lead your life, you too can be caught in a freak accident?

So... who decides? Definitely not us.

I'm really trying to continue with my regular optimism. But some days, because of this whole 'being human' factor, it's pretty darn difficult. I'm struggling to embrace my mother's ability to have faith in fate. I don't want to become one of those people who looks back on her life and thinks, "I really wish I had... when I could..."

I'm really trying...

And as always, even though I'm a terrible Catholic, I'm going to turn to something here that my grade eight teacher always told me to say when I felt unsettled:

God,

Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change...
The courage to change the things I can...
And the wisdom to know the difference...

xo

Image courtesy of Google Images

Merry Christmas, 2009

Dear readers,

I hope you're all enjoying a blessed holiday with the ones who love and care about you. May you all have peace, joy and happiness in your hearts, along with plenty of laughter. I'm going to be spending the day with a few friends in Seoul, at a small potluck lunner. My contribution? Chicken with paprika and parsley, tossed in a pan. It's simple and easy enough to make on my one hotplate... and it's delicious too!

As I head out the door, here's a little throwback for you all to enjoy... it's a song I overdose on, every Christmas. I hope you enjoy it as well!

MERRY CHRISTMAS

All my love,

xo
SC

2009 century post

This is my 100th post for the year.
Wow.
It may not be much in terms of what's out in the blogosphere right now, but for me, this is rather exciting.

Over the course of 2009, I've had a 100 reasons to come here and share my thoughts with you, dear readers. It's been quite the year for me and SFTC! And really, during some of those moments, I'm not sure what I would have done without you. So for that, all I can say is, 'Thank you for being a friend!'

We're just under two weeks away from 2010, and the thoughts are starting to swirl. I've had an eventful few weeks, starting from the end of November... but it's nothing to complain about. The other day I was meeting S at DaVinci for a random coffee date. I had just had a 'EUREKA!' moment a few minutes prior, and wanted to come share it with her. So I ran in through the doors (my vanilla latte almost ready and waiting for me), and stood in front of her with the biggest smile on my face.

"Umm... what the hell is wrong with you?" she asked, in between trying to thaw out her frozen hands and taking sips of her latte.

"S! We're in Seoul!" I said, while looking at her as though I'd just conveyed the most important information of the year with her. "We're in Seoul! SEOUL!"

"S, you've gone nuts!" she said, almost too nonchalantly.

Perhaps that may have been the case. But never in my wildest dreams as a child, did I ever think I'd one day be living across the planet from all that I held comfortable and natural. It was my four-month epiphany.

I then went on to explain to her that while laying on my bed minutes before, I'd had a surge of freedom just soar through my body. I couldn't explain it, but it felt so good. It felt as though every bad thing that had happened thus far was... passé! Just... gone.

And I want to contain that feeling as we edge ourselves into 2010.

There's so many wonderful things to look forward to, this coming year. Not only does a new year bring a sense of a clean slate, but this is a double whammy because it's also the start of a new decade. I'll turn a quarter of a century in the year ahead. This is a time for reflection and action, on my part. And I'm looking forward to it all.

I've spent this past decade in various forms of education... I started high school at the beginning of 2000, and now, ten years later, having finished three forms of study since then, I find myself on the cliff of a new volume in my life.

The time I've spent on my own thus far has taught me to embrace life in all it's goodness and negativity, rather than fight it. Last night, a friend said to me, "we need to get right into the moment, and feel whatever it is we need to feel in order to get through it... why fight it?"

He said our North American culture has taught us to respond with "I'm OK," to every question that's thrown our way, with regards to feelings. We answer this way, even when we're not.

He couldn't be more right.

So, here's looking towards 2010, in all it's positive and negative glory. Here's learning to live in, and embrace life's journey and the feelings that come with it, from one moment to the next. But mostly, here's to all of your good health, happiness and peace.

May all of you set sail on experiences that will make you bolder, stronger, and more in love with who you are, than ever before.

Here's to 2010!


xo
SC

Image courtesy of Google Images

Slipping away like the sand to the tide

How's this for a visual: "... slipping away like the sand to the tide..."

It's a line from one of my favourite songs by the Sugababes called Lost in You. You should check it out if you've got time. It's also on the Love Actually soundtrack, (a fabulous movie for the season, I think).

And that's just about how I feel right now...

These past few weeks have been bizarre to say the least. I'm trying to stick to some sort of routine in my life, but the more I try, the quicker that idea gets thrown out the window.

It's strange being on my own. In one sense I've got this amazing amount of independence, not only because I've got my own place, but also because I'm in a country where I'm pretty much alone. Everyone I've met here so far has been a new face, with a new personality (well, some are tried and true), and has come with a new story to tell. It's fascinating and refreshing all the same.

But sometimes... it's exhausting. Having to tell your own story over and over again... it gets exhausting. I've always been a better listener than a speaker. There's only a handful of people who know the depths of my soul... and I like it that way. So having to sit through conversations sometimes with new people who want to know everything about you... well, that starts to take it's toll. Unless, of course, it's a kindred spirit who you want to spill your guts to. And that takes a special someone. Those people are far and few between, but when you meet them... it's like a refreshing sip of iced-tea on a blistering hot summer's day.

There's a handful of travelers that I've met, who get it. They live in the present, focus on the present and enjoy the present. It's these people who are fabulous to speak with. They, in simple terms, manage to put things into perspective so well. Hopefully I'll get to that point someday... where I don't think about the past (apparently the New Year's song Auld Lang Syne is about that... leaving the past, way behind), and don't stress about the future. I've become better, but I know I need to work on it.

In the meanwhile, I'm allowing myself to slip away for a while... why not, right?

xo
SC

A burst of inspiration

It's taken three months and many reality checks for me to finally say I've settled into my Seoul digs. I'm at peace with the shoebox, I've come to terms with the bills, I've accepted the communication barrier, and, finally, I've found inspiration again.

I spent most of the past 24 hours flipping through National Geographic Traveler's Dec '09 issue, and I simply want to teleport myself into the photographs I saw.

Mind you, I'm trying to plan a getaway for the early months of 2010, so this magazine couldn't have landed in my lap at a more perfect time. I remember having this exact feeling of excitement and euphoria when I realized I'd actually be moving to Seoul. I listed all that I wanted to see and do in this wonderful city of paradoxes, and couldn't wait to get here.

Now that I'm here and feeling slightly more settled, I'm looking at what's around me. I finally realized today, that I'm actually LIVING in EAST ASIA! How amazing is that?? I'm closer to some of the world's most ancient and beautiful places, than I ever was when I lived in Toronto. So, it's time to make the best of this adventure.

I've been playing around with options. I know I have to visit Japan, not necessarily because I want to go there desperately... but because it's so close in proximity, that if I don't visit, I'll feel like the biggest tool in town.

You have no idea how cool it felt to just say that.... "I'm close to Japan!"

So, dear reader, if you have a moment, please take a spin through my thoughts with me.

My first choice is Palawan in the Philippines. This came under high recommendation from a friend who lived in Taiwan for a while. She said there's no other place on earth that compares to it, and, after Googling some images, I think I'm starting to agree. What do you think?

Palawan, Philippines

Now, I know some of you will say, "If you've seen one beach, you've seen them all." And perhaps you're right. But I definitely don't feel that way. I spent the greater part of my childhood in the tropics, and any excuse to inhale fresh, salty air, and dig my toes into the sand while listening to waves hitting the shore, sounds alright by me. Just look at that photo! Don't you simply want to dive right in?!

My Second choice is Bali, Indonesia. Why? Well, some of you may know of my affair with Elizabeth Gilbert's book Eat Pray Love. In part three, she talks of Bali and all its mystic beauty and serenity. I want to see it to believe it. That's all there is to it. Again, Google Images never fails to deliver.

Bali, Indonesia

Sigh! Just look at that photo. It's captured so well, isn't it? Can you imagine just traipsing around the island for a few days, talking to locals and walking away from it all, feeling alive and inspired?

Living in Seoul is a lot like living in Toronto. Well, except for the major language barrier. But it's quite easy to forget that I'm living on the other side of the world, far from all that used be comfortable and static. If I allow myself, I think I might just as easily leave Seoul after a year, having not done much else from what I'm doing right now.

I think that would be the biggest disappointment for me.

So, in keeping with trying to get away from neon lights and cityscapes, last on today's list, but certainly not least, is The Great Wall of China.

I know the list has changed as of late, but I grew up knowing that The Great Wall of China was one of the Seven Wonders of the world. And from the moment I learned of it, I knew that I wanted to visit it someday. This would be an opportune time, don't you think?

The Great Wall of China, China

Can you imagine anything more amazing than having a chance to visit this spectacular historical site, that goes on for miles and miles? I know a lot of you reading this may have already done so, but the thought of setting foot on this ancient wonder has me giddy with excitement.

Anyway, I needed to get that out. All of this may or may not happen, but I feel thrilled that I've set these down so that I can finally start planning. Fingers crossed that it all happens, yea?

Thanks, friends! Please stay tuned for updates, and do share your thoughts.

xo
SC

Images courtesy of Google Images

It's the only thing that there's just too little of!

I'm going through yet another spell where I lack inspiration. It doesn't happen often but when it does, I get so frustrated!

It's during times like these that I go back and read over some of my past entries... and then I feel grateful to have this blog.

People are going to remember June 25, 2009 for 3 things, quite possibly:

- A.M. Death of Farah Fawcett

- P.M. Death of Michael Jackson

And finally,

- What they were doing when they found out each of the other two things had happened.

I suppose you don't really forget when these things happen, right?

They kind of stand as cornerstones or flags throughout your life. 10 years from now you'll be talking to someone and catch yourself saying, "I remember the day Michael Jackson died... it was the number one trending topic on Twitter." The person you're talking to will probably admit to adding to the trend, or call you "oldskool".

Strange times we live in.

There's an app for everything from shopping to serenity. All with the click of a button.

And with each passing day, though the apps are supposed to bring people in the world closer together, we're losing touch with our kind. We're lonelier than ever...

We all need a hug...
A touch more than words can say...
Love not through the apps...

xo
SC

Beating the Blahs

"I'm feeling as though that huge dark cloud that had been following me around for months has taken off," I said with a smile. I was finally feeling cheerful again after countless days of absolute dreariness.

"Oh yea?" she replied. "Hmm.. that must mean that the cloud is now following someone else... they don't just disappear, you know?"

Huh? I looked at her with a quizzical nod. I wasn't going to correct her with a down and dirty science lesson. All that mattered for the moment was the fact that I was finally basking in the sunshine I so craved.

"After this experience, I absolutely believe in the February Blahs," I said. "I used to think that was something people just made up to explain why everyone got mopey around that time of the year, but now, after having experienced it, I know it's true!"

"Tell me about it! For a while there, I thought the winter would NEVER go away."

I remember a distinct conversation between my mother and a neighbour that I had overheard as a child. We were fairly new to the country at that time, and just getting settled in. Our neighbour had quickly taken a liking to my mother and began feeding her with anecdotes and 'facts' about what it meant to be truly Canadian.

This particular conversation began with, "You know, there's three things you can never go wrong talking to any other Canadian about," she said. "Just remember three Ws -- Weather, Women and Work."

My mother laughed at this during the conversation, but, as the years went by, she soon realized the truth to those words. And so did I.

I can't express the number of conversations I've had with friends, family members, and in some instance, complete strangers about the number one word on that list -- Weather.

"Do you realize that we refer to the weather at least once a day," I said while staring intently at my computer screen, unable to read the mass of words that seemed to fly right over my head. I was proof-reading again.

"We do?" she asked. "Hmm... maybe because it's such a large part of our day."

"I guess it is, isn't it?" I thought out loud as I turned to her. "So much of what we do, or decide to do is based on whether or not it's raining, or snowing, or windy, or sunny... although that doesn't happen too often here!"

"OK there, Miss Tropicana!" she exclaimed with a laugh. "Not everyone was born in the sunshine!"

"I wasn't born in sunshine. I'm a monsoon baby."

"Whatever."

"I am!"

"OK, whatever! All I know is, you're only happy when it's sunny," she said finally.

"That's not true," I said. "I'm happy when the sun comes out to visit after a loooooooooong hiatus -- which I believe causes the February Blahs. It's different."

"OK."

"OK?"

"Yea, OK."

I felt as though I had to defend myself. So off I went.

"Listen, when the weather gets like this at this time of the year, people start to wake up. They feel alive... invigorated, even. Suddenly, it's not just the day that's brighter - life is brighter too. People start thinking about the future, when, in the doom and gloom of the dark winter, all they could think about was getting out of the wind and cold. About sleeping..."

I paused to think for a quick moment, then exclaimed, "You know what? Winter crushes dreams!!"

"Winter what?

"Crushes dreams!" I repeated.

"You're nuts, you know?"

"Well, it does," I said adamantly.

"And now?"

"And now the sun is out, and the dreams are alive again."

"Ah-ha! For how long?" she asked. Ugh! She was challenging me.

"Hmmm... for as long as it takes!" I said simply, as I went back to staring at the maze of words on the screen.