I was looking back at some of my older posts and realized how thankful I am to have the ability to archive them. It really helps to be able to go back and read over the progress (or regression, in some instances) made over time. In this case, just a few months over a year.
After looking back over the months gone by in a professional and personal sense, I'm starting to notice a pattern that I think is a testament to my life: I make waaaaay more progress professionally than I do personally. I've been able to achieve all that I've wanted to over the past year, in terms of photography and bylines and also in terms of a full-time job. I'm grateful and very thankful for all of that. But I'm starting to realize that it's coming at a high cost in terms of my personal life.
I spend so much time in front of a computer on a daily basis, that I just discovered I need reading glasses (heartbreaking stuff). By the time Fridays roll around, my idea of excitement stems from me vegging on the couch till 10 p.m. and then passing out till mid-morning the next day. I haven't been able to keep up with a routine at the gym (I took on a membership in june and I was so proud of it...) because my day changes from one day to the next, without so much as a warning. And to top all of this off, I barely see my friends, family and four-legged critter... with them thinking I've got something against them.
I really hope you all know that this isn't the case. I can barely keep up with my own life, let alone try to march to the beat of someone elses. I'm hoping that all of this work will pay off in due time (eight weeks)... but I guess I won't know until then.
I'm tired of walking around with a lump in my throat. It has no appropriate reason to be there. I'm not sad or anything. I think it's just on standby in the off chance that something makes me want to burst into tears spontaneously.
I guess it goes back to a post I wrote in the middle last year... and then again at the beginning of this year... and then, once again, in the middle of this year -- I want balance -- literally, theoretically, figuratively and indefinitely.
It sucks to sit on one side of the scale.
xo
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