This past month has gone by so fast, I feel as though it never happened... only, it did.
I am looking forward to the holidays this year. Aside from catching up on sleep... I want to lose myself in the City. I want to discover new haunts, old memory places and so much more. My Photography course has forced me to go to numerous events to take pictures, that I always said I would go to... but never did. The main reason for me not going, was because I felt that I wouldn't enjoy it as much without someone special by my side. This isn't true and I realize that now.
The idea of cozying up to someone with a cup of hot chocolate during the Santa Claus parade, or skating in the square with Mr. Love, during the lighting of the City christmas tree... well, its nice.. but it is just as enjoyable if you go alone or with family.
I realize that society sells these places and events to us, under the pretense that you need someone beside you in order to fully enjoy all they have to offer. This isn't true as well, because I just got home from the opening ceremony of the Cavalcade of Lights... which I attended by my self, and enjoyed.
I'm finding happiness in little things these days. The walks from one place to the next (I always take the long way, these days)... The first sips of my morning Tea... the times Ginger actually cozies up to me, instead of vice-versa... The fact that my marks are going up, instead of down... little things.
I was so consumed by my feelings in the past couple of months, and I didn't like every minute of it. I liked the first 24 hours when they started to change, and I know that anyone in my position would. But after that, I hated who I became-- my own worst nighmare.
I was very aware of the season changing from fall to winter this year. The moments the leaves changed colour, my senses heightened. I noticed greens, reds, yellows that I never paid attention to before.
I even noticed when the Greek Village put their Christmas lights up... I never knew they did that before.
Finally, I also realized in the past month thanks to numerous chats with my lovely friends (i love you), and some soul searching... that I deserve better. I'm not better than anyone and no worse. However, I am a woman... I don't usually wear my heart on my sleeve, but I'm learning that it might be better to do that, than to stay guarded all the time. When we guard ourselves, we miss out on possibilities that might change our lives. I don't know. I was hurt pretty badly by my experience, but I learned from it -- which is a good thing.
We all want to be loved... because we love.
We shouldn't let the actions of others make us jaded and force us to change the way we love (or like).
If we fall whole-heartedly, fall full force. Without regrets.
I should just learn to get over it faster. That's always the hardest part... getting over getting burned.
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