Rhythmic Gymnastics

I love the beauty of this sport.

Aside from the diving shenanigans... I don't think I've ever seen anything more elegant among all the Olympic sports.

Happy Saturday!
xo
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I cave!

I'll write about it ... if only for therapeutic purposes.

I was doing so well over these past couple of months. I even shared this fact with my friends who were worried that I may have left what little sanity I had remaining, 10,000 miles away... buried in the tropical sands of a life gone by.

But here I am... three months later... I'm going to write about it. Not because I think the topic needs attention... but because my soul needs to be set free from the cramping pressure that's been weighing it down for weeks.

I figure, there's some experiences in life that liberate us from oppression. Not literally, but in every figurative sense of the word. Then there's others, which, under the guise of freedom, lull us into this fall sense of security and comfort... only to leave us feeling pained, exhausted and beaten in the end.

This is one of those experiences.

Happy moments short-lived, have a purpose. They stand as beacons in our dark nights... reminding us that it is possible to feel bliss and contentment. It is very easy to believe that negativity is all that we're inclined to receive in this lifetime, because there's enough of that to circle the world countless times around. But happy moments... they twinkle like stars... every time we think of one, or pull one out of our mental filing cabinet... we can't help but smile or be drawn back through a memory where everything seemed perfect.

About four months ago... I experienced perfection. In every sense of the word. Not here. There. My environment, my state of mind, my breath, my physical being.... for once in my life... everything seemed aligned.

I went on to hold on to that moment because it reminded me of possibilities... things that I never allowed myself to even consider. It allowed me to feel... to get past my own fourth wall and experience sensations brought on by life, circumstance and even perhaps... fate.

But in the months that followed... that solitary moment in time became my own worst enemy. Thinking about it no longer made me happy... it made me sad and anxious. It made me crawl out of my skin and lose focus... it made me ache and sob.

And as time passed, I soon realized that I was alone in my agony. A mental and emotional state of anguish that I had created for myself.

About a month and a half ago I realized that I had had enough and decided to fold the memory up and cling-wrap the life out of it and tuck it away into a filing cabinet titled, "learn from these lessons." Literally, I deleted that folder from my e-mail inbox and figuratively, I piled a whole bunch of new memories on top of it.

It worked perfectly... up until exactly four hours ago.

Four hours ago, I allowed myself a little peek into the triggers of the moment. I just wanted to glimpse through the window and see what was happening across the world. There. I knew I shouldn't have... but I am a slave to my thoughts and a fool when it comes to my heart...

And I saw it all. I saw the beauty and I saw the sincerity and I saw the honesty... I saw life... going on... moving forward.

And it crushed me.

I felt as though a huge elephant had jumped through my computer screen and sat square on my little band-aid-ed-up ticker.

I heard voices in my head saying, "here we go again... all this effort... down the drain..."

And I rolled my eyes... and pushed back the tears... but I allowed myself to continue to feel.

Because I'm human. I don't know how people do it...(disconnect... push away emotions), but I can't. I need to feel. These emotions whether painful or blissful... these emotions remind me that I'm real... and alive.

And I'm on this ride of life through the ups and downs, through the spins and flips... I'm on this ride and I'm not letting go. Not for an African safari or a tropical rendezvous.

I'm on this ride for me.

xo
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Get it together...

... you want to heal your body.

"I need to feel inspired again."

Those six simple words have been playing on loop in my mind for at least a couple of months now. I don't know why, but I feel as though I've been in this lull ever since the summer started. It's not that I haven't felt like doing things, because believe me, I have. I guess it has more to do with options.

There's a ton of stuff happening in the city on any given day. Toronto is never lacking in festivals, performances, shows or even entertainment on a strict budget. So undoubtedly there's no problem there.

I guess I've been missing this element in my life that makes me want to do things out of the norm. Colourful, things that make me feel more... content, for lack of a better word.

Perhaps this feeling stems from the uncertainity about my future over the next few months. School is almost coming to an end and I am anticipating what is in store for me. Will things be different? Will I be doing the things I want?
What? Who? When?

And with all this, comes inspiration.

Someone broke it down to me the other day, that there's something wrong if you have to keep reminding yourself about the beauty and the basics.

"It's really simple."

And I know it is. I mean I preach it everyday to anyone who's down or willing to listen. Life is beautiful... living is a gift!

But I want to bring the colour back. More than anything. It's ok to live in black and white for some people. Some even venture into shades of grey. But I've always loved colour. I don't want that to ever change.

I had a sense a few days ago... a feeling that seemed familiar and trusting. It made me relax and made me curious all over again.

I guess it's moments such as that, that I need to capture in order to get it together and start painting with a colourful palette once again.

xo
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Jazzy weather chases away the blues...

In my opinion, there is nothing quite like listening to a nice selection of easy-listening lounge music, on a rainy, lazy weekend.

I often wondered why I enjoyed chick flicks... aside from the obvious, of course. But I realize, that I usually go in search of the soundtrack, after I've finished watching the movie. Most of these movies are accompanied by a beautiful set of songs that play while scenic displays of old world avenues, lit up with soft lighting and beautiful trees set the scene for the love affair about to take place.

It is during these moments that I find myself lost... and happy... and a lot of it has to do with the soundtrack. The soothing, easy tunes that hum and croon along to the story-line are what get me every time.

So it is not shocking to say that I found myself in my cozy and most comfortable clothes, sitting on our old lounge chair on the balcony, listening to the smooth sounds of Norah Jones, Bebel Gilberto and Michael Buble, on a lazy, rainy Sunday afternoon. I know... I am such a suck!

But as I looked around me, I thought of how picturesque (and kinda cute) this was:

Me on a lounge chair... in my jammies (again, I know!)... cup of tea in my bright yellow mug, sitting on the little table... and on the other chair sits Miss Ginger herself, listening with her eyes closed, while Gilberto sings of tranquility in far away places.

***

Outside, the rain poured... softly. And it added to the relaxing serenity that the soft music brought to my overactive mind. I've been craving quiet moments... and this was all I could ask for in this time and in this place.

I've always liked August. The weather, the smells... there's something "cozy" about this month. Perhaps it has something to do with the harvest. August does remind me of the harvest season. In Goa, people are peparing to celebrate the harvest feasts, as the monsoons draw to an end. There will be masses, street festivals... and food. All of this, pulled together in a wonderful, rich feast for the senses.

Perhaps my biological clock is set to anticipate these feelings. And as I sit here, 10,000 miles away... I'm draw in this euphoric sense of longing. But because I can't be there... I continue to sit here, on my balcony... with my eyes closed... thankful for the smells, sounds and quiet that surrounds me, in this place and on this side of the world.

xo
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